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Movies I Stayed Away From
I would have stood in line for an hour not to see these movies. Based on
promos, teasers, clips, and reviews, I was able to spare myself boredom or
outrage. If I was wrong, I'll probably find out on cable ...
54. A biopic about people who were boring even when they were famous.
The Avengers. Uma Thurman as Emma Peel? Not on this planet.
BASEketball. Real sports are boring enough.
Beloved. A mother kills her own children? Not even to see my hero Oprah.
Bride of Chucky, Scream 2, I Still Know What You Did Last Summer, The
Faculty, Halloween H20. Never.
Enemy of the State. I've seen all those special effects before.
Jack Frost. Looked sappy.
The Newton Boys. Looked tedious.
Patch Adams. Looked smarmy.
Primary Colors. The real Bill Clinton makes my skin crawl. Why watch
impersonations?
Psycho. I've never thought the original was all that good. So why pay to watch
a shot-for-shot remake?
The Siege. Wow! The authority figures turn out to be the real bad guys!
(Can't these filmmakers get over their resentment of compulsory
education?)
Sphere. Cliche.
Stepmom. Here's a fresh idea: A movie that shows how decent people create a
functional two-parent family. Try it sometime. Maybe it would lead to a
social revolution.
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