And it dawned on her for the first time what she had not seen in Fishy's heartfire: the
desire for revenge.
And yet that was impossible. What human being could bear such constant injustice
and not cry out, at least in the silence of the soul, for the power to set things to rights? Was
Fishy so meek that she forgave all? No, her sullen resistance clearly had no piety in it. She
was filled with hate. And yet not one thought or dream or plan for retribution, either
personal or divine. Not even the hope of emancipation or escape.
As she walked along the streets under the noonday sun, it made her almost giddy to
realize what must be going on, and not just with Fishy, but with every slave she had met here
in Camelot. Peggy was not able to see everything in their heartfires. They were able to
conceal a part of their feelings from her. For it was impossible to imagine that they had no
such feelings, for they were human beings, and all the Blacks she met in Appalachee had
yearnings for retribution, manumission, or escape. No, if she didn't see those passions among
the slaves of Camelot, it wasn't because they didn't feel them, it was because they had
somehow learned to lie a lie so deep that it existed even in their heartfires.
And that threw everything in doubt. For if there was one thing Peggy had always
counted on, it was this: No one could lie to her without her knowing it. It had been that way
with her almost since birth. It was one of the reasons people didn't usually like to spend
much time around a torch -- though few of them could see even a fraction of what Peggy saw.
There was always the fear of their secret thoughts being known and exposed.
When Peggy was a child, she did not understand why adults became so upset when she
responded to what was in their heartfire rather than the words they were saying to her. But
what could she do? When a traveling salesman patted her on her head and said, "I got
something for this little girl, I wager!" she hardly noticed his words, what with all that his
heartfire was telling her, not to mention her father's heartfire and everybody else nearby. She
just naturally had to answer, "My papa's not a fool! He knows you're cheating him!"
But everybody got so upset with her that she learned to keep silent about all lies and all
secrets. Her response was to hold her tongue and say nothing at all. Fortunately, she learned
silence before she was old enough to understand the truly dark secrets that would have
destroyed her family. Silence served her well -- so well that some visitors to her father's inn
took her for a mute.
Still, she had to converse with local people, and with other children her age. And for a
long time it made her angry, how people's words never matched up very well with their
desires or memories, and sometimes were the flat opposite. Only gradually did she come to
see that as often as not, the lies people told were designed to be kind or merciful or, at the
very least, polite. If a mother thought her daughter was plain, was it bad that she lied to the
child and told her that she loved how her face brightened up when she smiled? What good
would it have done to give her true opinion? And the lie helped the child grow up more
cheerful, and therefore more attractive.
Peggy began to understand that what made a statement good was rarely dependent on
whether it was true. Very little human speech was truthful, as she knew better than anyone
else. What mattered was whether the deception was kindly meant or designed to take
advantage, whether it was meant to smooth a social situation or aggrandize the speaker in
others' eyes.
Peggy became a connoisseur of lies. The good lies were motivated by love or kindness,
to shield someone from pain, to protect the innocent, or to hide feelings that the speaker was
ashamed of. The neutral lies were the fictions of courtesy that allowed conversations to
proceed smoothly without unnecessary or unproductive conflict. How are you? Just fine.
The bad lies were not all equal, either. Ordinary hypocrisy was annoying but did little
harm, unless the hypocrite went out of his way to attack others for sins that he himself
committed but concealed. Careless liars seemed to have no regard for truth, and lied from
habit or for sport. Cruel liars, though, sought out their target's worst fears and then lied to
make them suffer or to put them at a disadvantage; or they gossiped to destroy people they
resented, often accusing them falsely of the sins the gossips themselves most wished to
commit. And then there were the professional liars, who said whatever was necessary to get
others to do their will.
And despite Peggy's gifts as a torch -- and no ordinary torch at that, able merely to
catch a glimpse of a child inside the womb -- even she often had trouble discerning the motive
behind a lie, in part because there were often many motives in conflict. Fear, weakness, a
desire to be liked -- all could produce lies that in someone else might come from ruthlessness
or cruelty; and within their heartfire, Peggy could not easily see the difference. It took time;she had to understand the pattern of their lives to find out what sort of soul they had, and
where the lies all seemed to lead.
So many questions were posed by every lie she was told that she despaired of
answering any but the most obvious. Even when she knew the truth that someone was lying
to conceal, what was that truth? The mother who thought her daughter was ugly might be
lying when she told the girl that her smile made her pretty -- but in fact the mother might be
wrong, and in fact her lie might be true in the eyes of another observer. Most "truths" that
people believed in, and therefore which they contradicted with their lies, were not objectively
true at all. The real truth -- how things are or were or would become -- was almost
unknowable. That is, people often knew the truth, but they just as often "knew" things that
were not true, and had no reliable way to tell the difference. So while Peggy could always see
what the person believed was true while they told their lies, this did not mean that Peggy
therefore knew the real truth.
After years of sorting out the lies and realizing that the lies often told more truth than
the "truth" that the lies concealed, Peggy finally came to the conclusion that what she needed
was not a better sense of truth, but simply the skill to hear a lie and react to it as if she knew
nothing else.
It was after she ran away from home and went to Dekane that, under the tutelage of
Mistress Modesty, she learned the balancing act of hearing both the words and the heartfire,
and yet letting her voice, her face, her gestures show only the response that was appropriate
for the words. She might sometimes make use of the hidden knowledge she saw in their
heartfires, but never in such a way that they would realize she knew their deepest secrets.
"Even those of us who are not torches have to learn those skills," said Mistress Modesty. "The
ability to act as if you did not know what you know perfectly well is the essence of courtesy
and poise." Peggy learned them right along with music, geography, history, grammar, and the
classics of philosophy and poetry.
But there was no balancing act with the slaves here. They were able to hide their
hearts from her.
Did they know she was a torch, and so hid deliberately? That was hardly likely --
they could not all have such a sense of her hidden powers. No, their secret dreams were
hidden from her because they were also hidden from the slaves themselves. It was how they
survived. If they did not know their own rage, then they could not inadvertently show it.
Slave parents must teach this to their children, to hide their rage so deeply that they couldn't
even find it themselves.
And yet it was there. It was there, burning. Does it turn their hearts to ash, gradually
growing cold? Or to lava, waiting to erupt?
The Ashworth house wasn't the largest or the most elegantly finished, but then it
didn't need to be, since they could take up residence on at least a half-dozen huge estates all
over the Crown Colonies. So the house in town could be relatively modest without loss of
prestige.
Even so, the signs of true wealth were there. Everything was perfectly maintained.
The bell gave off a musical tone. The street door opened noiselessly on its hinges. The floor
of the lower porch did not creak, it was that solidly built -- even the porch! And the
furniture showed no sign of weathering -- obviously it must be carried in whenever the
weather went bad, either that or replaced every year. The perfection of detail. The
ostentation of people with unlimited money and impeccable taste.
The slave who opened the door for her and ushered her into the room was a wiry,
middle-aged man who fit his livery as if he had been born in it and it had grown along with
him. Or perhaps he shed it from time to time like a snake, revealing a perfect new costume
underneath. He said nothing and never looked at her. She spoke her own name when he
opened the door; he stepped back and let her in. By his manner, by the most subtle of
gestures, he showed her when she should follow him, and where she should wait.
In his wordlessness she was free to search his heartfire without distraction, and now
that she was aware, she could search for the missing part. For it was missing: the offended
dignity, the anguish, the fear, the rage. All gone. Only service was in his thoughts, only the
jobs he had to do, and the manner in which he had to do them. Intense concentration on the
routine of the house.
But it was impossible. He could not conduct his life with such intense singularity of
thought. No one could. Where were the distractions? Where were the people he liked, or
loved? Where was his humanity?
Had the slaveowners succeeded in this place? Had they torn the very life out of the
hearts of the slaves? Had they succeeded in making these people what they always claimed
they were -- animals?
He was gone, and so dim was his heartfire that she had trouble tracking him through
the house. What was his name? Was even his name hidden? No, there it was -- Lion. But
that was only a house name, given to him when he arrived here. Apparently it pleased Lord
and Lady Ashworth to name their slaves for noble animals. How could such a transient name
be the one contained in his heartfire?
There was a deep name hidden somewhere in him. As there must be in Fishy, too --
some name deeper than Ugly Baby. And where the deep name was hidden, there she would
find the true heartfire. In Fishy, in Lion, in all the Blacks whose hands did the labor of this
city.
"Miz Larner," said a soft voice. A woman this time, old and wrinkled, her hair steel-gray. Her costume hung on her like a sack on a fencepost, but that did not reflect ill on the
house -- no clothing could look right on such a wizened frame. Peggy wasn't sure whether it
spoke well of the family that they kept such an old slave as part of the household, or whether
it suggested that they were squeezing the last ounce of service out of her.
No, no, don't be cynical, she told herself. Lady Ashworth is the president of Lap-Rip,
publicly committed to putting limits on slavery. She would hardly let this old woman guide
company through the house if she thought anyone could possibly find a negative implication
in it.
The old woman moved with excruciating slowness, but Peggy followed patiently. She
was called Doe in this house, but to Peggy's great relief, there seemed to be no dimming or
hiding of her heartfire, and it was easy to find her true name, an African word that Peggy
could hear in her mind but wouldn't know how to form with her lips. But she knew what
the name meant: It was a kind of flower. This woman had been kidnapped by raiders from
another village only days before her planned wedding, and was sold three times in as many
days before seeing her first White face, a Portuguese ship captain. Then the voyage, her first
owner in America, her struggle to learn enough English to understand what she was being
commanded to do. The times she was slapped, starved, stripped, whipped. None of her
White masters had ravished her, but she had been bred like a mare, and of the nine children
she bore, only two had been left with her past their third birthday. Those were sold locally, a
girl and a boy, and she saw them now and then, even today. She even knew of three of her
grandchildren, for her daughter had been a virtual concubine to her master, and....
And all three of the grandchildren were free.
Astonishing. It was illegal in the Crown Colonies, yet in this woman's heartfire Peggy
could see that Doe certainly believed that it was true.
And then an even bigger surprise. Doe herself was also free, and had been for five
years. She received a wage, in addition to a tiny rent-free room in this house.
That was why her heartfire was so easily found. The memory of bitterness and anger
was there, but Lord Ashworth had freed her on her seventieth birthday.
How wonderful, thought Peggy. After fewer than six decades of slavery, when she had
already lived longer than the vast majority of slaves, when her body was shriveled, her
strength gone, then she was set free.
Again, Peggy forced herself to reject cynicism. It might seem meaningless to Peggy, to
free Doe so late in her life. But it had great meaning to Doe herself. It had unlocked her
heart. All she cared about now was her three grandchildren. That and earning her wage
through service in this house.
Doe led Peggy up a wide flight of stairs to the main floor of the house. Everyone lived
above the level of the street. Indeed, Doe led her even higher, to the lavish second story,
where instead of a drawing room Peggy found herself being led to the porch and, yes, the cane
chairs, the pitcher of iced lemonade, the swaying shoo-flies, the slaveboy with a fan almost the
size of his own body, and, standing at a potted plant with a watering can in her hand, Lady
Ashworth herself.
"It's so kind of you to come, Miz Larner," she said. "I could scarcely believe my good
fortune, when I learned that you would have time in your busy day to call upon me."
Lady Ashworth was much younger and prettier than Peggy had expected, and she was
dressed quite comfortably, with her hair pinned in a simple bun. But it was the watering can
that astonished Peggy. It looked suspiciously like a tool, and watering a plant could only be
construed as manual labor. Ladies in slaveholding families did not do such things.
Lady Ashworth noticed Peggy's hesitation, and understood why. She laughed. "I find
that some of the more delicate plants thrive better when I care for them myself. It's no more
than Eve and Adam did in Paradise -- they tended the garden, didn't they?" She set down the
can, sat gracefully on a cane chair beside the table with the pitcher, and gestured for Peggy to
be seated. "Besides, Miz Larner, one ought to be prepared for life after the abolition of
slavery."
Again Peggy was startled. In slave lands, the word abolition was about as polite as
some of the more colorful expletives of a river rat.
"Oh, dear," said Lady Ashworth, "I'm afraid my language may have shocked you. But
that is why you're here, isn't it, Miz Larner? Don't we both share the goal of abolishing
slavery wherever we can? So if we succeed, then I should certainly know how to do a few
tasks for myself. Come now, you haven't said a word since you got here."
Peggy laughed, embarrassed. "I haven't, have I? It's kind of you to be willing to see
me. And I can assure you that ladies of stature in the United States are not up to their elbows
in wash water. Paid servants do the coarser sort of work."
"But so much more expensively," said Lady Ashworth. "They expect their wages in
cash. We don't use much money here. It's all seasonal. The French and English buyers come
to town, we sell our cotton or tobacco, and then we pay all the tradesmen for the year. We
don't carry money with us or keep it around the house. I don't think we'd keep many free
servants with such a policy."
Peggy sighed inwardly. For Lady Ashworth's heartfire told such a different story. She
watered her own plants because the slaves deliberately overwatered the most expensive
imports, killing them by degrees. Some imaginary shortage of cash had nothing to do with
keeping free servants, for the well-to-do families always had money in the bank. And as for
abolition, Lady Ashworth loathed the word as much as any other slaveholder. For that
matter, she loathed Peggy herself. But she recognized that some limitation on slavery would
have to be achieved in order to placate public opinion in Europe and the United States, and all
that Lady Ashworth ever intended to allow Lap-Rip to accomplish was the banning of slavery
in certain regions of the Crown Colonies where the land and the economy made slavery
unprofitable anyway. Lady Ashworth had always had success in convincing Northerners that
she was quite radical on slavery, and expected to do as well with Peggy.
But Peggy was determined not to be treated with such contempt. It was a simple
matter to find in Lady Ashworth's heartfire some of her more recent mistreatment of her
slaves. "Perhaps instead of wielding the watering can," said Peggy, "you might show your
commitment to abolition by bringing back the two slaves you have standing stripped in chains
without water to drink in the hot sun of the dockyard."
Lady Ashworth's face showed nothing, but Peggy saw the rage and fear leap up within
her. "Why, Miz Larner, I do believe you have been doing some research."
"The names and owners of the slaves are posted for all to see," said Peggy.
"Few of our northern visitors pry into our domestic affairs by visiting our disciplinary
park."
Too late did Peggy realize that the guards at the disciplinary yard -- hardly a "park" --
would never have let her inside. Not without a letter of introduction. And Lady Ashworth
would inquire who it was who provided a northern radical like Peggy with such an entree.
When she found that there was no such letter and Peggy had made no such visit, she would
think -- what? That Peggy was secretly a torch? Perhaps. But more likely she would think
that one of the household Blacks had talked to Peggy. There would be punishments for the
only two Blacks that Peggy had had contact with: Doe and Lion. Peggy looked into the
futures she had just created and saw Lady Ashworth hearing Doe's confession, knowing
perfectly well that the old woman was lying in order to protect Lion.
And what would Lady Ashworth do? Lion, refusing to confess, would be whipped
and, in the futures in which he survived the whipping, sold west. Doe would be turned out of
the house, for even though she had not given Peggy a bit of information, she had proven she
was more loyal to a fellow Black than to her mistress. As a free black of advanced age, Doe
would be reduced to living from scraps provided by the charity of other slaves, all of whom
would be opening themselves to charges of stealing from their masters for every bit of food
they gave to Doe.
Time to lie. "Do you think that you're the only ... abolitionist ... living in Camelot?"
said Peggy. "The difference is that some of the others are sincere."
At once Lady Ashworth's heartfire showed different futures. She would now be
suspicious of the other ladies in Lap-Rip. Which of them had exposed Lady Ashworth's
hypocrisy by speaking to Peggy, or writing to her, about the Ashworth slaves now being
disciplined?
"Did you come to my house to insult me?"
"No more than I came to be insulted," said Peggy.
"What did I do to insult you?" said Lady Ashworth. What she did not say, but what
Peggy heard just as clearly as her words, was that it was impossible for Lady Ashworth to
insult Peggy, for Peggy was nobody.
"You dared to claim that you share the goal of abolishing slavery wherever you can,
when you know perfectly well that you have no intention of living for even a single day of
your life without slavery, and that your entire effort is merely to pacify northerners like me.
You are part of your husband's foreign relations strategy, and you are as committed to
preserving slavery in the New Counties as anyone else in the Crown Colonies."
At last the façade of cheerfulness cracked. "How dare you, you priggish little nobody?
Do you think I don't know your husband is a common tradesman with the name of Smith?
No one ever heard of your family, and you come from a mongrel country that thinks nothing
of mixing the races and treats people of quality as if they were the common scum of the
street."
"At last," said Peggy, "you have consented to deal with me honestly." "I don't consent to deal with you at all! Get out of my house."
Peggy did not budge from her seat. Indeed, she picked up the pitcher of lemonade and
poured herself a tall glass. "Lady Ashworth, the need for you to create the illusion of gradual
emancipation has not changed. In fact, I think you and I have a lot more to talk about now
that we're not lying to each other."
It was amusing to watch Lady Ashworth think through the consequences of throwing
Peggy out -- an event which would undoubtedly get reported all over the north, at least in
abolitionist circles.
"What do you want, Miz Larner?" said Lady Ashworth coldly.
"I want," said Peggy, "an audience with the king."
Copyright © 1998 Orson Scott Card
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