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Sheila pressed enter. The slightest flex of the pinky finger made such a monumental commitment. She’d done it. She’d finished what was probably her life’s work. Her complete studies on the inmate who believed a character in his book came to life and murdered his friends were now being electronically transferred to an inbox at Manning Institute. Sometime in the near future, either Dr. Rosenbaum or Dr. Rosenbaum, the married couple heading scientific studies on mental illnesses orbiting the supernatural, would flex their own perspective pinkies over the enter key and download her work. Sam Kent. The bastard. He may deserve a little recognition, in all of this. A little tip of her hat to say, “well, done, you loon.” Sam Kent and the desert sand.
This is from the novel I'm in now. It's complete and a sequel. I'm going thru 2nd edit. I'm thinking about calling it Reagan's Redemption. But, I've been struggling with the name, so that's not for sure yet.
Anyway. Sheila was in an elevator last time you met her. Well, I've revised and started somewhere else. At a computer!!! What can I say? I'm an exciting person. Is this a better starting point? At least your mind doesn't bring up the elevator music to add to the dull ambiance of the story's beginning.
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A cute beginning. I like that Sheila's personality comes through. I, too, am confused what she's committed to. Also, Sam Kent sort of comes out of nowhere. Why does she start thinking about him? It's just a sudden transition. On a nitpicky note the first para was pretty thick with telling. Also, most people I know use the mouse to download email stuff attachments, so I had a little bit of trouble picturing the Rosenbaum pinkies. Posts: 2185 | Registered: Aug 2007
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Word. I use my middle to make these little roundy circles on a touch pad and poke with my pointer. Pinky to send, pointer to receive. So, I'm gonna get that on outta there. That will take care of that and the Pinkies with Perspectives. Which draws a quite funny mental image for me.
Sam Kent is random, but not nearly as random as Sheila may seem to anyone reading the book as a sequel... if that makes sense. Sam is one of two M/C that return readers will be familiar with, and I think until they see his name, will wonder why they bought a Reagan story and its about Sheila Marksberry.
However... not wanting to lose the readers who scan page one or two and haven't heard of the first book (now sold almost 200 copies, huzzah) should I take Random Sam out? (I think OSC refered to Bean's story as a "Stand Alone" in an author note, and I'm really trying to get that.)
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While I don't think you should just stick Sam in since he was in the first book, neither do I think you should leave him out simply because he might seem random. I think the more pertinent question is, does he plays a role in this story, and specifically in this scene, does her thinking of him trigger the next beat of the scene? If the answer is no to both, then cut him out. If the answer to the second question is yes, then leave him in, but maybe give us something of a transition to suggest why she might suddenly be thinking of him. But maybe it's not that important. It stuck out to me, but no one else seemed bothered by it.
Posts: 2185 | Registered: Aug 2007
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posted
After hearing more about your first book in other posts, it seems Sam is a pretty big part of the story, but that doesn't mean he needs to be mentioned right away. When I read sequels I often expect to not hear about familiar characters for the first few pages. Especially with authors like George RR Martin. I'd worry more about hooking new readers and wait to mention him where you can give a little background on why he's so important.
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