posted
I think you're trying to cram too much into too little to engage the reader:
quote:He enters the chat room where potential victims await.
"The" chat room? On what subject, or age group, or...? And, "victims?" Ones s/he plans to scam? To drink their blood? As in sex targets? You know, but the reader isn't privy to your knowledge or intent, and has only what the words suggest to them.
quote:An easy target’s needs ring out on the NET.
You lost me here because it might make sense to you, but...
I pretty much had the same problem with the others because you give the reader no context with which to make the story meaningful to a reader.
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posted
Hi Jay. What would your 50 word story sound like?
I'm not sure how Rocketdog could fix those problems without exceeding the word limit. My story must have the same problems, right? My story doesn't tell her age! I've never done that before, it like violates a rule for me. But . . . maybe that's part of the art for a 50-word story.
You really should try it. Everyone should -- the thread demands to go in that direction.
posted
Please do not post complete stories on this forum, whether they are 50-word stories or not.
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quote:Hi Jay. What would your 50 word story sound like?
It's not mine, but here's one I like in thirty:
A rabbi, a priest, an imam, a minister, and a witch doctor enter a bar.
The bartender frowns at them and says, "What is this, some kind of a joke?"
It has a beginning, a middle, and a resolution, presented in a single M/R unit.
Something from me? It sounded like fun, so here's something exactly fifty words long:
Jason eased toward the cave’s mouth. The ogre was there, back to him, snorting in anger, upending carefully fashioned defenses as if they weighed nothing.
Now was his best chance, so, with a rush he leapt from the cave and to the attack, shouting, “I have you now, evil Daddy!”
In fact, it's a true story, though the name has been changed to protect the innocent.
quote:I'm not sure how Rocketdog could fix those problems without exceeding the word limit.
Exactly. Too much detail for too little story because he's thinking in terms of explaining the plot instead of involving the reader's emotions. Lots of people have written stories containing all the elements of one in ten words. And a joke is a story often requiring only fifty words. The trick is in the emotional conntent, not cinematic detail.
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