@Walexander:
Written well. Aah. Nice first words to see after posting a 13. Curse: Yes, actual curse. I'll see if I can clarify the curse in the first 13, but it's very clear later on. (at least, I think so.)
Drunk is the wrong word. I fixed it at home, forgot to upload my changes here to work, used the old word. It now reads: "It had been ages since he'd had anything to eat or drink."
I changed cascaded to sprinkled. Still a rain reference, but I'm trying to make it a small amount that gets his attention while focusing on his feet moving forward. Nothing stops his progression.
Regarding his name: It's Gray Gobligrook because he's a goblin. I'm going for the G alliteration and "Gobli..." But I'm not married to it. I can investigate another name.
I'd be happy to send it over when I'm finished editing. This will be tomorrow AM.
@Babooher:
I will send to you too. I'm not sure what you meant by "not the best feel for fiction."
@Philo
The name was meant to sound silly. He's a goblin. (and goblin's are innately funny) However, since it was brought up by 50% of the folks who replied I will have to reconsider.
Orgrimmar is a city in Warcraft. They'll expect this type of reference.
It is indeed an average day for him.
Laboriously passed - I couldn't find one word can do what I want here, but I did remove laboriously.
Age / Ages - I agree. Age is so Tolkein.
Re: Italics. I had a "he thought" at the end of that, but it felt clunky. This is his only inner thought in the whole story. It felt weird underlining it, especially right up front. I may just reword.
The mood was meant to be gloomy, but I may have gone overboard. The next few pages are light but having set this up I'm hoping to contrast others happiness at his presence vs. his own hatred of his curse which brings him to them. Not sure if it works or not.
I just checked the story - it's not clear he's a goblin for a while. I may change "his feet..." to "The goblin's feet..."
The mood I can't really change. I'm hoping to stay on the path of downtrodden without crossing over to depressing.
Thanks all for your thoughts!
Axe