Nits – misspelled I assume “stuggled” – struggled. Don’t need the comma after forest deep. Reversing the noun-adjective sounds awkward since you do not continue in that cadence.
Ferns shook and then fell – my sense is that with “and then” usually you need only one of those conjunctions. It’s kind of redundant. Can be used, though. Your choice.
A new world? No such thoughts energized his mind during his long sleep. – cut this. It is usually counter productive to say what didn’t happen. And it breaks into the topic of the curse and survival.
Actually playing around with what you have here it seems to me – opinion – that you might be better served reversing the 2nd and third paragraphs. Just feels like a more logical set of progressive steps into the story. Also, you might want to use the shaking of his head as a segue in the middle of the third paragraph.
The “too” long bothers me here. That he has slept long – yeah, Why the too long? And how does he know it is too long? You say his mind was not very energized during the long time.
Manton the ______ [who or what is he?] had slept in the forest while his body recovered from Lord Doom's [a bit too melodramatic for my taste] curse. He shook the dirt and filth from his head and grinned wolfishly. He had survived! His very awakening now made dross of the [demon’s worst or whatever] curse.
A huge intake of air, a gasp, a cough followed by the announcement to the world, although the ears of Man were far away, "I am come at last from my supposed grave."
The “supposed” kind of deflates the energy of that announcement. My preference – opinion here — I am come back from my grave!
Hmmm looking at it now, I think that third paragraph is all wrong. Break it up.
Two “and then”s in a row -- and then fell. A hand thrust up from the smoking heap. An arm and then…
Tell us about the staining from the leaves with the first appearance of the hand otherwise we might think that only the head and neck are black. This way – my opinion – we figure that the entire body is stained. It is, isn’t it?
You say shook in two consecutive sentences.
I love the gasp, cough and intake but, as I have rearranged things, you now have two lists in a row. That reads kind of awkwardly. I can’t figure out how to fix that.
Hmmm put some thing in to break up that feel?
In the forest the birds and insects fell silent. A low mound covered with leaf mold and ferns began to steam. Vapors rose from the mound like morning mist, thickening until a tremor shook the ground. The ferns trembled as a hand stained black from years of rotted leaves thrust up through the smoking heap. An arm and a shoulder followed. Finally, the head appeared. After a gasp, a cough. and a huge intake of air, the humanlike [is he?] form struggled up from the filth.
Manton the ______ [who or what is he?] had slept in the forest while his body recovered from Lord Doom's [a bit too melodramatic for my taste] curse. He shook the dirt and filth from his hair and grinned wolfishly. He had survived! His very awakening now made dross of the [demon’s worst or whatever] curse.
Although the ears of Man were far away from this silent forest, he shouted, "I am come back! Back from the grave you put me in!”
Hmmm put something in to break up that feel - the two series in a row?
Like this in that paragraph?
.... A hand stained black from years of rotted leaves thrust up through the smoking heap. An arm and a shoulder followed. Finally, the head appeared. Twenty [or however many] years of death was shoved aside. After a gasp, a cough, and a huge intake of air, the humanlike [is he?] form struggled up from the filth.
Just suggestions. Consider what caused my problems and choose your own solutions.
[This message has been edited by arriki (edited January 08, 2010).]
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