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With a groan,Greer cupped his hands over his ears in an attempt to block out Maili's voice, but she skipped to telepathic neurospeech without missing a beat. He hated when she did that. " ....I won't be mad at you. Just be honest with me." After 2.14 centuries of marriage, her 'neuro' voice felt like a kinetic rod slamming through his head.

For two hundred years Maili operated their ship, while Greer took care of the crew members. Now, as they finally neared the M87 black hole, it was time to wake them. The thought of hearing a voice other than his wife's brought a smile to his face.

Maili droned on. "...Greer, I see how you look into her cryo-pod. Are you falling for her?" He sighed. How could a cyborg convince a bodiless AI that he loved her?

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[This message has been edited by Dark Warrior (edited November 19, 2009).]

You did a good job of introducing the scifi element immediately by introducing the telepathy.

"After 2.14 centuries of marriage, her 'neuro' voice felt like a kinetic rod slamming through his head." This line seems out of place, like a tell-not-show. I get what you are trying to do, but I wonder if you are introducing too many speculative fiction ideas at once (telepathy and long life span.) Something like "her unspoken voice was a kinetic rod slamming through his head." And then put the 2.14 centuries of marriage after we see her starting to be jealous. That way, you could focus on their reactions without having to throw in too many additional details: He sighed. 2.14 centuries of marriage, and he still couldn't convince convince a bodiless AI that he loved her?

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It seems you are trying to tackle a robot love story... You've made them very human

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Yes, sort of. There will be additional conflict that I havent yet thought of, but their relationship and how it affects their reactions to the conflict is integral. My other stories involve 'AI' just emerging into sentience. I wanted to try a story where there wasnt any of the 'pinnochio' elements that OSC talks about and they simply exist as other races/beings. First time writing something like this for me, though, so your crits are definately a help.

For two hundred years Maili operated – she has been and IS STILL so you need to use a had-- For two hundred years Maili had operated

The second paragraph is intrusive right here as written. Probably better as dialogue, but not any “as you know, Bob” dialogue.

Maili droned on. – cut. Get to the dialogue, which is carrying the story right now.

Now, as they finally neared the M87 black hole, it was time to wake them – the “they” and the “them” refer to different entities, right? Yes, I was referring to 'they' as in the entire ship, and then 'them' as the crew members he had just referred to as being in cryo. I am going to look at that and see if there is a better way to write it.

For two hundred years Maili operated – she has been and IS STILL so you need to use a had-- For two hundred years Maili had operated Thank you, my grammar is horrible. I am slowly working through the exercises in Simon & Schuster's Handbook for Writers to improve on that

Maili droned on. – cut. Get to the dialogue, which is carrying the story right now. I want to impress that she had been 'nagging' non-stop the entire time he was thinking...are the '. . .' sufficient to relay that?

But, good start. Thanks, trying

With a groan,Greer cupped his hands over his ears in an attempt to block out Maili's voice, but she skipped to telepathic neurospeech without missing a beat.

“…just be honest with me. It’s not like we ever…”

After 2.14 centuries of marriage, her 'neuro' voice felt like a kinetic rod slamming through his head.

“I see how you look into her cryo-pod. You think she’s going to look back once she wakes up? And another thing, I’m sick and tired of waiting on you to…”