If you are interested this was the basic question I asked before writing this story: What would go through someone’s head during Russian roulette?

The gun clicked and swiveled as the chambers rotated once more. The man holding the gun next to me let out a sigh of relief as he collapsed back into the chair, pulling the ancient weapon from his mouth. Spittle dripped down his chin as the gun exited his orifice. His skin looked ashen as he swallowed before looking at me with demented blue eyes and slight grin.
“Your turn.” He stated with a voice that displayed his weathered state of shock.
He rested the gun on the table as I looked on in disbelief. There were only three chambers left. I now had a one in three chance of being shot.
My heart began to pound for the second time as my left hand trembled slowly as it found its way to the damning weapon.

quote:

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...as the gun exited his orifice.

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-If you want to know why he is playing this horrible game you will have to read on.

-The reason I chose orifice was because it made a shiver run down my spine when I wrote the word. That is the effect I was going for and it seemed to fit. I also had just used the word mouth just a couple words earlier. It just seemed redundant and a word like chops just didn't feel right here.

-I will email those who want to know the rest.

Edited to add: Who wants the give the obvious and slightly demented answer to "[w]hat would go through someone’s head during Russian roulette"?

quote:

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The gun clicked and (1)swiveled as the chambers rotated once more. The man holding the gun next to me let out a sigh of relief as he collapsed back into the chair, pulling the ancient weapon(2) from his mouth. Spittle dripped down his chin (3)as the gun exited his orifice. His skin looked ashen as he swallowed before looking at me with demented blue eyes and slight grin.
“Your turn.” He stated with a voice (4)that displayed his weathered state of shock.
He rested the gun on the table as I looked on in disbelief. There were only three (5)chambers left. I now had(6) a one in three chance of being shot.
My heart began to pound for the second(7) time as(8) my left hand trembled slowly as it found its way to the (9)damning weapon.

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1) I picture the gun swiveling, rather than the chambers, which makes this a bit odd.

2) For some reason this 'ancient weapon' phrase struck me as awkward. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's the gun/gun/ancient weapon description of the object.

3) I agree with Sunshine's observation that this seems redundant; I think the remainder of the sentence could be cut.

4) This seems to be telling to me. Perhaps it could be shown - for example, by silently sliding the gun across the table, emotionlessly; the reader can determine from the actions his mental state.

5) Rounds? The number of chambers would remain the same.

6) This seems redundant. If the reader can easily deduce the content of this sentence, the prose may be stronger with it cut.

7) When was the first?

8) This feels like a run-on sentence; might it be better to drop this 'as' and start a new sentence here? (action as my action as it action...)

9) The damning left me feeling this was a little too melodramatic. Hopefully the reader can conclude this attribute from the context?

Lastly, I recently saw (for the first time, I know I'm out of touch) The Deer Hunter. In one interpretation it really seemed to give a very thorough look at Russian Roulette. It also satisfactorily answered the question (to me at least) that skadder has asked: Why?

My main gripe is you use way too many "as' clauses. This most likely means that this clauses come naturally to you, so you will need to slowly remove the habit by forcing yourself to become aware when you write one, and then rewrite it until your brain no longer writes them automatically.

Couple things: I guess the word Orifice needs to go, since it has now pulled like 5 people out of the story. I still like the word because it gives me the creeps, but its definitely not worth it if no one can read past that point without stopping.

Can any of you tell me if you think this is a good idea. I begin at the start with six players and cover more of my bases by having more of the scene developed. Such as why they are playing and how they can make money by doing something so terrible. I could switch point of view each time a character gets killed. Or I could just use one character's point of view that I have now. I am just getting a flood of ideas this evening. I want to make this better so let me know what some of you might think. As some of you may have noticed I tend to just write whatever I see in my head and I fail to notice that I use words like AS 50 thousand times.

Personally, I am starting to lean towards using the main character to witness the events. I was just worried that the story might be a little boring if I used six players.

Also, for those of you that have questioned the spinning of the chamber before every time a player takes a turn here is a quote from wikipedia. I know that is not the best source, but hey got me some info quickly.

"Variations

It is assumed, probably solely based on some cinematic depictions, that two players either take turns spinning and firing the revolver so that each successive turn has an equal 1/6 probability of failure or that the players simply take turns without spinning the cylinders until one is shot. If playing with more than two players, without re-spinning, the initial probability of each player for being killed is 1/6th, but the probability of being killed changes every time the trigger is pulled. The second player has a 1/5th (20%) probability of being killed, and the probability of the third player 1/4th (25%). Until player #6 when the chance of being killed is 1 (100%) assuming the bullet properly works.

We all watched as the man we called the Maestro spun the chambers in the revolver before flipping it closed. Our fates were now sealed. One of us was going to die before the end of this round of high stakes Russian Roulette.
I looked around the table at all of the people who were playing this game with me. One man wore a Desert Storm hat to accompany his graying beard. An African-American in a pin stripped suit looked back at me with a blank face. A teenaged boy looking to be about fifteen had a goofy grin on his face until his eyes rested on the weapon Maestro placed on the cold, metallic, table. Next to him sat a woman who had vacant, hurting, eyes, but exuded raw sexuality from her scantily clad body.