posted
“Raphael, Raphael, Raphael,” he said. “Why did you ever pick that name? The poetic contradiction is so cliché. Or is it wistful thinking? You think that just because they can’t see you, that makes you an angel?” “What, and the name you chose isn’t?” “That, my friend, would depend on whether you mean Judas Iscariot or Judas Maccabeus.” “Well, you don’t know if my namesake is the seraph, the artist, or the giant bipedal turtle.” “Touché,” said Judas, and he looked over Raphael’s shoulder to see the picture he was drawing. “This fetish you have with the Children is bordering on blasphemy, you know,” said Judas as he flipped idly through
[This message has been edited by Hylas (edited February 11, 2007).]
posted
I'm not going to be very interested in dialogue without context. Also, if there is any conflict here (other than that normal to repartee), I'm missing it. The only thing that stands out is "just because they can't see you".
posted
For example: There is no way of telling the inflection on the three Raphaels until much later. It requires more than two readings to get it right.
Posts: 36 | Registered: Jan 2007
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posted
As pointed out, dialog heavy and narritive light. I'm not sure who the viewpoint character is, nor the protagonist, or even if the conversation is antagonistic or just friendly teasing.
Posts: 1275 | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
I think you simply started the story in the wrong place. Perhaps this should happen in chapter two, or even several paragraphs down. I see your hook, two angels talking, but I think it gets lost in everything else.
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