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Below is the first 13 lines: Thanks for all comments.
Audience: ADHD Adults or others interested in subject
It is very obvious to most people upon entering my home that I do not relish the idea of housework. No, my home does not smell, is not dirty or repulsive, or at the point where it should be condemned. But, it is definitely the house of an ADD mom. On top of my obvious issues with ADD, I am trying to cram five sons into this tiny 1300 square foot four bedroom, two bath house. Now add to this equation the fact that three of the boys, two teens and one age 5, are also ADHD. Can you even begin to imagine what life in my house is like? Let me paint you a vivid picture. To do so accurately, I will need to get out the brightest neon crayons from the box.
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I like the joke at the end: painting a vivid picture, with crayons.
I still think you're doing more prelimary than I would like -- that is, I'm tempted to skip. To me, what you have so far is saying, I'm about to tell you a story. I'd rather you not tell me you're going to tell me a story, but just begin. The cool stuff you have here will be just as cool if it emerges naturally from the story you have to tell.
What story _do_ you have to tell? That is, what's going to happen? Start there, I think.
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So let me ask you: if this were a movie or TV show, what's the first scene? Where does your story begin?
Posts: 2830 | Registered: Dec 2004
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posted
I can see it beginning with a frizzy haired woman standing in a nicely decorated, yet piled high with miscellaneous junk surrounding her. She is yanking at her hair with a bewildered frantic look on her face.
Thanks for the question. I can see where this is going. It helps clarify things for me.
Is it okay to rewrite and then repost the new 13 lines?
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You can post a new version of the first 13. Many like for you to do it in the same thread, but it's not a rule.
Posts: 2830 | Registered: Dec 2004
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posted
I don't have anything to add but encouragement. wbriggs' suggestion is an excellent one that I'm going to apply to my own work. I tend to start like you do, but then again, I'm ADD! LOL
Posts: 105 | Registered: Aug 2006
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I'm noticing something in these fragments, you are always answering questions. It makes the essay feel like the transcipt from an interrogation. It sounds defensive.
I myself am ADD, and it is nice to read something about it by someone with it.
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My thought is that the character needs to check out www.flylady.com to get a handle on her housework Posts: 2026 | Registered: Mar 2005
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AGain, thanks for the comments. Again, I agree! And, Elan, I am a big follower of flylady and also the slob sisters, who originally brought about flylady. I have read both books by Peggy and Patsy.
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On the line of recommending reads, look up the work of Mary Roach, She does a column for Reader's digest (except when she's off writing a book like right now.) She doesn't usually write about her ADD but she has.
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