posted
This is the second chapter of Max Tonnage and the Space Pirates. It takes place in a future time when Mainland China has forcibly re-unified the island of Taiwan. However, the Communist Party has subsequently lost power and retreated to Taiwan, much like the Nationalists did in 1949.
CHAPTER TWO: The Disembodied Organs of the State
On the southern coast of Taiwan there lived a rain goddess named Li Hwa.
Li Hwa was one of four rain goddesses who hydrated the orchards, paddies, and cane fields of the sole remaining province in the once-mighty Peoples Republic of China. The former provinces on the Chinese mainland had long since seceded from the PRC. Some of those former provinces had become independent states; others had united into a loose-knit commonwealth. Now, only the island province of Taiwan remained true to the Revolution, and Li Hwa brought rain to the Old Hundred Names who toiled in the southern district.
posted
It's usually best to offer subsequent chapters mainly to those who have already read all the previous chapters. Those of us that haven't read from the beginning will not be able to help much except with simple mechanical errors.
Posts: 8322 | Registered: Aug 1999
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posted
Help with simple mechanical errors would still be extremely helpful!
I'd also like for the beginning of each chapter to have the strong opening that's necessary for a first chapter or the first page of a short story. To that end, I'd like to know whether it's coherent, whether it flows, whether it's interesting...all the usual stuff.
Putting aside the fact that this is a chapter two, does it hook anybody? Does it make you want to read on? Do chickens have lips?
posted
I'm not hooked. Even if I had read the previous chapter and knew what the rain goddess Li Hwa had to do with the story this is too much of a history lesson for me. You started with something that caught my attention (a godess - oh goodie) and then left her flat to talk about politics (yuck!). Posts: 1210 | Registered: Feb 2006
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posted
I loved it. Totally my cup of tea. Seriously can't think of anything much else to say except: I'll read.
Posts: 205 | Registered: Aug 2005
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