First, I was sort of hooked by this opening because I kept picturing Rutherford as Sean Connery lighting his pipe as he sits in a armchair, ready to tell his newest young ward what he is up against, but that's just me.

Second, I have to agree with what someone said in the last thread. You should read the dialogue out loud to hear how odd it sounds to everyone else. You use "Let me tell you..." twice in a row, which just doesn't flow because I was distracted by that.

Third, from the looks of the way this is going, you are about to info-dump. What's worse is that the dump is about the antagonist. At this point, we know nothing about the MC, except he is a slayer who plans to avenge his father's death. It would be nice to at least know his name.

Finally, I think it might be dangerous to involve Dracula. Just from a personal standpoint, I think you are taking on certain stereotypes and limiting the possibilities by stating what kind of vampire you are using. Although the people reading this will have read Bram Stoker's Dracula, they may be the only ones because most people have not read it and will think more along the lines of the goofy Universal dracula.

Just a personal quip, but I associate British accents with hi-brow, educated English. The person speaking sounds, for lack of a better word "childish". I know I'm stereotyping to the nth degree, but this is one of those rare cases when I think it would improve the story - unless you decided to go completely the other direction and make the speaker a slovenly, construction worker from the bronx with a pinschot for Papst Blue Ribbon, a raccoon tan from wearing safety glasses all day and a wife with hook for hand after being mauled by a bloodsucking space duck billed platypus.

However, I have some spare time, so if you want to send it my way. I'll give the piece a run through.