I reworked the story a bit, juggling some of the later lines to move the introduction of the main character to the very front of the story. I suffer from the familiar writer's disease that, when I have no one to tell me of my foolishness, I assume I know how to write, and therefor am loathe to dispose of any line or metaphor I have already written. I attempt to cure myself of this affliction constantly, but have, as of yet, made little headway. Hopefully, this will not too adversely affect the revision.

Any criticism, no matter how biting (indeed, the more vicious, the better), is eagerly solicited.

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It was known simply as The Angel.

Framed by the porthole, it might have been a man’s hand in width, if it were a thing to be touched from where he stood. But First Lieutenant Zhiang Zhisheng – formerly of the People’s Liberation Army Air Forces, currently of the United Nations Space Defense League – knew a wide gulf of kilometers separated him from the drifting bulk. In the cargo pod around him, quiet but for the occasional impatient shuffle, were nineteen other men who knew it as well.

But the description worked much better for me this time. I had a much clearer idea of what was going on, despite the phrase "that small pane of clear plastic" used in reference to the very first noun of the prior paragraph. That phrase also tends to indicate that the thing being described (the Angel) could reasonably have its location described with respect to a small pane of clear plastic, which is not the case.

As for the part with the "small pane of clear plastic," I did struggle with that line a bit, and wasn't really satisfied with what I ended up with. But I also felt I needed something to keep the description of The Angel tied to Zhiang's point of view. I'll work on it some more.

* "But First Lieutenant Zhiang Zhisheng – formerly of the People’s Liberation Army Air Forces, currently of the United Nations Space Defense League –" This is a cheap way of getting his info out to the reader. It entirely violates his POV and could much better be done other ways than just dumping it and saying -- here ya go.

* My first image was of a hand-sized angel set up in the port hole of a ship, like a knick-knack. Then it took me two readings to maybe understand that the porthole was on Zhiang's ship, not that of the drifting bulk. I'm still not positive though.

* "Outside that one pane of clear plastic..." Was it right outside or still kilometers away? I'm so confused. I'm guessing kilometers away, and that you are describing the angel, but what does that have to do with the drifting bulk? And what is the drifting bulk? A ship?

* I liked the description of the angel (if that indeed is what you were describing)

* If Zhiang is getting sick with awe and hatred, wouldn't the other men be a little more involved than to just shuffle impatiently?

* It took me a while to decide whether we were on the sea or in space (I jumped right over the "Space Defense League" title because I jump over lazy POV violations as a matter of principle :-)