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» Hatrack River Writers Workshop » Forums » Fragments and Feedback for Short Works » A Convocation of Clowns

   
Author Topic: A Convocation of Clowns
MCameron
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This is a flash, 328 words, that came from the first challenge. I've reworked it slightly and would like feedback. I suppose you could say that the genre is horror (evil clowns). Not really sure about that though.

The first two sentences:

quote:
The tiny car appeared out of nowhere right in front of me, and screeched to a halt. I slammed on my brakes as clowns piled out of it, bringing rush hour traffic to a standstill.

Any help is much appreciated!

--Mel

Posts: 269 | Registered: Feb 2005  | Report this post to a Moderator
Beth
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I don't think I read anything from the first challenge. I'll take a look.
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Void
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If you don't mind waiting a few days for the critique, I'd like to read it.
Posts: 150 | Registered: May 2005  | Report this post to a Moderator
Rahl22
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Don't really need that comma in the first sentence.

I'll read it.

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wbriggs
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I'll read.
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MCameron
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Thanks all! I have sent the story to those who volunteered.

--Mel

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NewsBys
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I'd like to read it also. I liked the first version.
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MCameron
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NewsBys: I'm doing a bit of work on the ending based on crits I have already received. I'll send the revised version over later tonight, if that's ok? Thanks for offering.

--Mel

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mikemunsil
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I liked that one, but you just don't look that twisted! Did that really come out of your smiling face?
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MaryRobinette
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I love the title of this. Mel, if I weren't out of town and owed five people crits I'd beg for this one.
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MCameron
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quote:
I liked that one, but you just don't look that twisted! Did that really come out of your smiling face?

*Evil grin* OK, now I have to write something really twisted for this week's challenge!

--Mel

Posts: 269 | Registered: Feb 2005  | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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