Hatrack River Writers Workshop   
my profile login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Hatrack River Writers Workshop » Forums » Fragments and Feedback for Short Works » Restoration, v. 3

   
Author Topic: Restoration, v. 3
jeduthun
Member
Member # 2563

 - posted      Profile for jeduthun   Email jeduthun         Edit/Delete Post 
Would like readers for this 3rd draft of the first two chapters of a Fantasy Novel, preferably people who did not read versions 1 or 2. Here are the first 12 lines of Chapter One, so you can decide if you might enjoy...
-----
Chapter One: Flower Collector

Kiana felt the men coming up behind her before she could see them. She sat still in the tall grass, the yala petals dissolving in her mouth. Their power filled her mind with color: all the flowers in the meadow glowed with the vibration of life. They sang to her in vivid oranges and yellows. She sensed a rabbit in the grass nearby, his nose twitching with fear. Birds watched the men from nearby trees. Everything was alive with vibration, but the men were blank, empty spaces where there should be life. They must be using death sap to hide themselves. Don’t they know it makes them stand out like a panther on the beach?

-----


Posts: 41 | Registered: May 2005  | Report this post to a Moderator
ely
Member
Member # 2558

 - posted      Profile for ely   Email ely         Edit/Delete Post 
Hi,

Sounds interesting. I don't have much experience critiquing, but I am willing to take a look at it and let you know what I think.


Posts: 24 | Registered: May 2005  | Report this post to a Moderator
NewsBys
Member
Member # 1950

 - posted      Profile for NewsBys   Email NewsBys         Edit/Delete Post 
This sounds much better than the last version. I volunteer to read a chapter or two.
Posts: 579 | Registered: Mar 2004  | Report this post to a Moderator
   

   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Hatrack River Home Page

Copyright © 2008 Hatrack River Enterprises Inc. All rights reserved.
Reproduction in whole or in part without permission is prohibited.


Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classic™ 6.7.2