posted
A month ago, when I noticed that I was nearing 20,000, I thought that I might have something different to landmark about. I wasn’t exactly dating – can it be dating when you have not yet met? – but I was spending hours and hours each week on the phone with someone I was seriously considering marrying. It was promising enough that I was daydreaming and planning possible timelines.
Since then, we moved from not-exactly-dating to actual-in-person-dating to not-dating-anymore. But it’s not really about the guy I’m not dating, or even about the fact that I won’t be marrying him. Or anyone else, right now.
It’s about the fact that I’ve discovered I’m really ok with that.
Way back on my 6000 landmark, it was noted that I “needed a man” – a sentiment I agreed with.
I don’t agree with it anymore. While I would still very much like to find and marry someone I could have a healthy, stable marriage with, I have realized that being single is not so very terrible as all that. Because I could have married that guy. For him, being single IS so terrible that even a pretty ok marriage would be better than that. (At least, that seemed to be how he felt.) Even though I was not really what he had in mind (in some pretty significant ways), he so wants to be married, that he was willing to overlook many things (and try to change others, which is a whole other problem).
And I realized that I didn’t want someone who settled for me. Who figured I was as good as he was going to get, and I was ok. And I certainly didn’t want someone about whom I felt much the same.
I’m not as desperate to get married as I thought I was. I have a good job, wonderful kids whom I love and who love me, awesome parents, and supportive friends. I even have a job I like!
I have a good life. And that’s a pretty cool thing to figure out. Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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From what I know of you from our online interaction, you are far too a fantastic person to ever settle for someone who doesn't recognise that.
Posts: 4393 | Registered: Aug 2003
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And imogen's right. You're awesome. I'd marry you. If I wasn't Mormon. And a woman. And already married. And too bossy to get along with you if I lived with you anyway.
(Wow, I'm getting deja vu. Did I say that already at some point in the past?)
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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posted
Very cool and congrats. Here's to not settling!
oh and, from your linked 2004 birthday post (by Dagonee):
quote: rivka, you realize at the rate you and Bob have historically posted, you'll catch up with him on July 13, 2009 with 35,654 posts?
Apparently he's allowed trivial stuff like marriage and fatherhood to slow him down -- with his current 21966 posts, looks like he's in danger of being caught up with way before 2009!
(OK, so I'm supposed to be out walking but my partner postponed by 30 minutes--what am I supposed to do with that time, read the paper or something?)
Posts: 3149 | Registered: Jul 2005
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And, um, is it my imagination, or is your thread title a direct take-off from a long-ago thread title by me? Posts: 8355 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
Happy 20,000th, Rivka! You're a rich and interesting person and you deserve the genuine article, not a generic role-filler.
Posts: 6394 | Registered: Dec 1999
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posted
Happy 20K sweetie! Hatrack wouldn't be the same without you. I am glad you're happy!
And yes Anne, you did say that before. You said you'd hypothetically marry Rivka based on ONE post. Can one be easy and bossy at the same time? Posts: 6316 | Registered: Jun 2003
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And what a great actualization to come to... not many people accept that their life is good as is and lose out on that 'I'm me and I'm good enough as I am' feeling while searching for the ever elusive 'more'. How cool that you realized...
Posts: 1355 | Registered: Jul 2006
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quote: And I realized that I didn’t want someone who settled for me. Who figured I was as good as he was going to get, and I was ok. And I certainly didn’t want someone about whom I felt much the same.
*toasts to that*
Posts: 872 | Registered: Mar 2002
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You do realize the last time someone posted an "I'm OK single, and like it that way" post was DKW, about a year before she and Bob got married.
Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002
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posted
Congratulations, rivka! I am definitely proud of your decision and resolution. I do hope you find someone without either of you settling and I'm very glad that you are content where you are for now. It's great being able to know you Posts: 1158 | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
Uprooted, Bob may have slowed his posting rate, but so have I. Anyway, I doubt I'll ever catch up with Tom. And Dagonee has left me in the dust. I figure I might catch Katie, but that's mostly because she had that Lady Jane alt for a while. So it doesn't really count.
quote:Originally posted by quidscribis: And, um, is it my imagination, or is your thread title a direct take-off from a long-ago thread title by me?
quote:Originally posted by Dan_raven: You do realize the last time someone posted an "I'm OK single, and like it that way" post was DKW, about a year before she and Bob got married.
The thought had occurred to me. However, I'm fairly certain that I will not be finding a spouse on Hatrack.
Despite Anne's lovely offer.
To all the rest of you, thanks for being some of those supportive friends I mentioned. Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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quote:Originally posted by Noemon I've never been to Hong Kong, so I don't have any advice, but where are you going in SE Asia? How long will you be there? What'll you be doing there? I would *love* to be going to SE Asia. Well, certain parts of it, anyway.
Yeah, I suppose he did.
ETA: Nope, it wasn't...
quote:Originally posted by Lissande: This has to be the most backhanded "Dear Hatrack I'm getting married and moving to Sri Lanka" thread I've ever seen.
Oh yeah, and congratulations!
from further down the page.
Posts: 8355 | Registered: Apr 2003
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