posted
Last night I had a dream. Funny, you know? I wonder how many stories start with that. I like the idea that I’m spreading harmonics, a little bit of writing echoing beside a thousand others that start along the same lines. Originality is overrated sometimes.
So, most of you sort of know me. I’ve shown up on the various Hatrack forums under a lot of names, notably Black Mage and Joldo here. I have another landmark, one that I wrote when Young Writers’ went down. That took a lot that I would have put here in the normal course of things, so I’ve been quietly hiding away under another name. Now I’ve got a hold of something, though I’m not sure what it is.
I am a sixteen-year-old boy, as of the writing of this landmark. When and if any of that information will change remains to be seen. I hope for change in the former and doubt it in the latter.
Now comes the hard part: thinking of something worthwhile to say. I know I’ve changed since my last landmark, sure, but how to say it? I think I’m beginning to grow up. It frightens me. I’ve made the switch that one is supposed to on the slow gradient from adolescence to adulthood quite suddenly: the switch from relying on one’s family to being more independent and extending more into social connections. It just sort of flipped for me, over the course of a month or so.
Excuse me, because this landmark will be very muddled, confused, leading off on one thread then switching to another. I’m trying to make sense of things and here y’all are seeing my thought processes in their most organic form.
Again and again I’m faced with the question, “What am I doing with my life?” I sort of get by, like most people do, doing my schoolwork, talking to my friends, turning over all my time to plays. Most people aren’t doing anything with their life at sixteen, I know, but I feel like I should be putting down groundwork now. I feel like, jeez, I know I should be starting now. I’ve been shaping myself for the last sixteen years, but I’m not sure I want to be who I’ve made myself. I’m faced suddenly with the realization that what I make of myself now sets a pattern for who I’ll be.
This is my worry, my fear. So I started changing myself. I looked and saw what I wanted to be, and I’ve started laying foundation as best as I can. I want to be someone who works hard on worthwhile tasks, someone willing to live out the Christian ideal of giving himself to serving others, someone who always has a kind word or a smile for anyone who needs one. I want to take control of my life, instead of being a passive player, and do what I want to do. What I should do.
So I’m taking little steps. Schoolwork, just, or memorizing lines for drama ahead of time. Doing what I can for my family and friends without being asked and offering whatever help is need. I’ve committed that no matter what the circumstance, I’ll devote at least one hour to writing each day, and that’s a commitment I’ve missed only once in three weeks. I’m still kicking myself over that once. I figure I should do this now, so it becomes habit. Second nature. So. Last night I had a dream. I can’t remember much of it, but I do remember meeting someone, and that someone had a book, a biography, or something, and in it I saw my life. I caught only one sentence, which slips my mind even now, but the essence was that I would live with a fiery passion for life from then out. And this, in my muddled, unclear landmark, is what I’ve resolved to do.
quote:I want to be someone who works hard on worthwhile tasks, someone willing to live out the Christian ideal of giving himself to serving others, someone who always has a kind word or a smile for anyone who needs one. I want to take control of my life, instead of being a passive player, and do what I want to do. What I should do.
It sounds like you are on the right track. Whenever I'm not sure what I should do, which choice to make, which direction to turn, I ask myself, "What would be the right thing to do?" And then I try to do the right thing as much as I can.
Mazel tov on reaching your 1K landmark. It was nice to read.
Posts: 10397 | Registered: Jun 2005
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posted
Thanks for your landmark, Joldo, I also enjoyed reading it. And I liked what both Tante and JT said -- don't worry too much about knowing what you're gonna do. I'm over 40 and have been playing it by ear step by step, and life has taken me some really interesting and good places. And it has always been the best when I've tried to be true to what I believe is right.
Posts: 3149 | Registered: Jul 2005
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quote:I'm over 40 and have been playing it by ear step by step, and life has taken me some really interesting and good places. And it has always been the best when I've tried to be true to what I believe is right.
Except the "over 40" (next year) I could have written that exactly. Posts: 6394 | Registered: Dec 1999
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1000!
