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I feel old. Okay, I lied, I really don’t. But I feel like I’ve stayed the same (although its obvious I haven’t) while all those younger than me have grown up and changed so much. I feel like I should still be just a kid, when now suddenly I have to start worrying about what I want to do with the rest of my life. Where I want to go to college, who I want to be, what I want to do for a living. It seems like just yesterday that I was in middleschool, worrying about these same things, but with far less urgency, and now Belle posts her landmark saying she's still not sure what she wants to do with her life. So how am I supposed to figure it out?
Somehow it doesn’t seem possible that today I am fully and legally responsible for my own actions. That officially I am an adult and no longer need the supervision of my parents in order to live my life. What a lie. I guess that’s a lot of it; I don’t think I could last very long without my parents here to guide me through life step by step, watching over me and helping me to stay on track. I feel like I can’t possibly be 18 years old, because 18 year-olds are supposed to be grown up, and know what they’re doing, and capable of fending for themselves. Yes I know that that’s not really true, that most kids my age are just that, kids, and many are far less mature than I am, but somehow I still can’t wrap my head around this milestone. I think I’ve grown up, but I feel the same, so how can I tell?
At any rate, happy birthday to me. Posts: 3420 | Registered: Jun 2002
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Dragon, I honestly don't think anyone ever figures it out - that's the beauty of being human. No matter our age we are constantly changing and growing. Not only does who we are change, but what we want from life changes right along with it. Enjoy the ride.
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I have to say that I've enjoyed reading your journal this year or two. I've seen a lovely, happy, positive girl who's accomplishing a lot in her life and drawing her friends close. I admire your spunk and all your many talents.
Have a very Happy Birthday and many more to come! Posts: 6415 | Registered: Jul 2000
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Oh, and I think you'll know when you are grown up and all. Won't hit you like a rock, it will just creep into your life, step by step. I used to think I'd never "grow up", that I'm more of a kid than any other of the same age, but slowly I realized that now I am *more* mature than many. It's nice, it's ugly, it's different. But it's still me. Posts: 4519 | Registered: Sep 2003
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quote:I don’t think I could last very long without my parents here to guide me through life step by step, watching over me and helping me to stay on track
I'm amazed that you recognize this at your age of 18. I wish my 18 year old felt the same way Most teens think they "don't need" their parents anymore.
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֡You verified my fears, and assured me that you can't just hover about on your own without parents. (I, though, absolutely have to evacuate myself and leave Israel when I'm 18, because I'm not going to the army.) I know what you feel, and I'm almost certain I'll feel it too in two and a half years' time. I also see people who're suddenly seven years old, and I still think of them as two.
My point is, I can prepare - a little - for what's ultimately going to be. I'm sure that you're going to hate me because I prepare myself based on your experience, but look at it in the way that you're setting a better path for others.
Eighteen year-olds are capable of running their lives. You are probably within the 90% who're able to do it. Thing is, life is getting very complicated these days, and chances are your capability of running it efficiently is still dependent upon your parents, who - I guess - are in their 40s or something, meaning they are experienced with adult life.
That's the important thing about it, your elders can guide you through life as an adult, and you're guiding me by telling me how these fears are. I don't feel the urge to congratulate you for being 18; I want to thank you wholeheartedly for shoing me how being 18 actually is.
Thank you, Dragon. Thank you so much! Jonathan
Posts: 2978 | Registered: Oct 2004
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Happy birthday, Dragon, and welcome to adulthood.
I'm 31 and I still don't feel like a grownup. I have most of the marks of grownuphood -- I own a house (well, part of one . . . the bank owns most of it), a car, and a very large piano; I have a job, a husband, and a garden; I vote, pay taxes, and serve on church committees. I kind of thought that having a baby (don't have one yet) might change things, but there's ketchupqueen up there saying it didn't make her feel grown up ('course, she's lots younger than me).
I can, though, look back and see how far I've come since I was 18 -- I'm much more self-confident about my ability to deal with the big bad world. And I also know now that I don't have to do it on my own. I feel like I could if I had to -- but I'm glad I have family and friends to help me out.
Again, happy birthday, and thanks for starting such an interesting thread.
Posts: 834 | Registered: Jun 2005
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Congratulations, Dragon! And good luck. You're a good guy.
quote:I, though, absolutely have to evacuate myself and leave Israel when I'm 18, because I'm not going to the army.
Sounds strange coming from a patriot like yourself! Have you been drinking any meed-scented potions lately?
Posts: 803 | Registered: Dec 2004
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