posted
Ryu - it's not too late to file your FAFSA now. You're not eligible for the primo top special stuff, but there's still plenty of federal stuff, even pell grants if you qualify, left at this point.
Posts: 8504 | Registered: Aug 1999
| IP: Logged |
New York is one of the most diverse cities in the world and that doesn’t exclude the student body of NYU. “Everyone here is very unique—some you love, some you hate.” Students are individualistic and passionate, “but somehow this manages to bond us all,” and students create close friendships, writes one senior musical theater major. “People are cool and unique,” adds a sophomore. Students are “tolerant and open-minded” and develop neighborly relationships. Students see their peers as adventurous and focused, which “makes for some really interesting people.” A junior English major advises, “If you’re looking for an accepting community, this is it.” If students have any complaints, it is that their peers are sometimes apathetic about campus life, and “as a result, school spirit is negligible.” Still, it’s unlikely that anyone looking for a diverse educational experience will easily find one that surpasses the one found at NYU.
quote:Academics
Most colleges would be honored to have a single world-renowned academic department. Then again, most aren’t New York University. The programs at NYU’s Stern School of Business and the Tisch School of the Arts are among the best undergraduate programs in the country. NYU professors are “very intelligent, informed, and open-minded.” They are both “witty” and “well-prepared” and, considering that many of them live in the city, “tend to be very accessible,” though some students complain that, because of the university’s size, profs occasionally get “lost in the crowd.” Explains one student, “They are helpful in guiding students . . . to careers, internships, grad school programs, good restaurants, movies, hairdressers, and all the best deals that New York City has to offer.” Undergrads also appreciate the fact that professors are often the authors of the textbooks used in class. A senior broadcast journalism major writes that though he harbors “a lifelong hatred towards school and education, I’ve enjoyed learning here.” Students not interested in an academic culture need not apply since, according to one junior, “as a freshman, I began doing work people don’t touch until grad school.” Students get practice as the vociferous liberals they are when dealing with the administration, as they must be “persistent and demanding” in order to get things done. Students rave about online registration, though some complain that upper-level classes close too quickly, “often with the speed of Japan’s bullet train.”
quote:Campus Life
“What do we do for fun?” a senior theater major asks. “We do New York.” While studies are undeniably important, NYU is located in the heart of downtown Manhattan’s Greenwich Village, within shouting distance of hundreds of restaurants, theaters, clubs, and other cultural opportunities. Guess what that means. “Life here is never dull or routine,” a junior politics major writes, and “no student can say that she is bored.” Students who wish to commune with nature spend time bike riding or inline skating in Central Park. Sports fans not only attend college basketball games on campus (the university’s Division III women’s basketball team is among the best in the nation), but can also choose from any of the city’s professional baseball, basketball, football, and hockey teams. Numerous museums and theaters provide more cultural stimulation than a student can possibly absorb in four years. The city’s extensive concert scene assures that both local and national acts can be found somewhere every night of the year. Though there are plenty of on-campus activities, students downplay their importance because of the numerous off-campus opportunities. The lack of a defined campus allows the school to become a part of the city, which, in turn, allows students to smoothly coexist with fellow city dwellers. The tension between towns and campuses that are evident at other universities are nowhere to be found at NYU. While on-campus housing is expensive, the “apartment-style dorms” are often looked upon wistfully by those who end up in almost-as-costly off-campus housing.
quote:National Ratings
#14 Diverse Student Population #1 Gay Community Accepted #17 Great College Theater #9 Intercollegiate Sports Unpopular or Nonexistent #9 Nobody Plays Intramural Sports #13 Lots of Hard Liquor #18 Party Schools #18 Reefer Madness #17 Birkenstock-Wearing, Tree-Hugging, Clove-Smoking Vegetarians #1 Great College Towns
Students’ bodies might be a more apt description of what’s on a UCSBer’s mind a good portion of the time. “Hot chicks”? Got ‘em. “Good looking guys?” That too. This isn’t to say students at Santa Barbara don’t appreciate their peers’ “open-mindedness” and “easy-going, laid-back” personalities, but at UCSB a premium seems to be placed on being nice looking, too. Some students complain about the amount of navel gazing (prettily pierced, of course) that goes on at the U.: “They are largely selfish and unmotivated, except to get what they want,” writes a senior; while a junior notes that “many don’t want to go outside of their own bubble.” Despite some complaints about diversity (“white is over-represented,” notes a senior) and substance use (“lots of pot smokers/alcoholics”), many UCSB students remark that their fellow students are “the most open-minded anywhere.”
quote:Academics
“I came to this school expecting beer, beaches, and babes,” writes a sophomore. “I was thrilled to find exceptional teachers; eager, intellectual students—and beer, beaches, and babes!” While many of its undergrads did choose this “beautiful,” “laid-back” state school for reasons not quite academic (“sun,” “beach,” “girls/guys,” and “location” seem to be the decisive factors), the University of California at Santa Barbara, with its “friendly people,” “strong liberal faculty” and excellent programs in the sciences and math—as well as in foreign languages, English, theater, and writing—make the school a good choice for the sociable student looking for a solid liberal arts education. Faculty gets high marks all around, and though there’s no avoiding a couple of duds once in a while, UCSB students seem to take all things in stride. A first-year explains: “Most of my professors have been interesting, informative, and inspiring. Of course, there have been a few who have lulled me to sleep better than any soft bed I have ever encountered. In general, though, they get an A+—even if I wasn’t reciprocated with the same grade.” Administrators, too, are well liked—one senior claims that they seem “even stonier than the students”—and work hard to provide resources and services for UCSB’s traditional and nontraditional students. (However, the school could stand to improve its academic counseling and computer facilities, say undergrads.) Basically, academic success at UCSB “all depends on your approach,” concludes a wise freshman. “If you are motivated and determined, you will get the classes you want and the information and resources you need. If you sit around at the beach and just expect to get into all your classes, you will be ‘watching the waves’ for a while.”
quote:Campus Life
“UCSB is the greatest place on earth. Nowhere else in the country can you get a college experience like here. Isla Vista is like Disneyland for 20-year-olds.” High praise coming from southern California, the land of fun and sun. UCSB has something of a reputation for taking the good life seriously—it’s the “University of Casual Sex and Beer,” joke undergrads—and the bustling, upscale communities of Isla Vista and Santa Barbara only serve to heighten the experience. “It’s a very big party school,” writes a second-year, “similar to a Bourbon Street atmosphere.” Many students claim that they spend the first few years “trying to find a balance between academics and social life,” not an easy task when you’ve got the beach, surfing, hiking, barbecues, football, Frisbee golf, parties, and downtown S.B. (not to mention L.A. in an hour and a half) luring you away. Of course, not everyone is so enamored of the outdoorsy, party-hearty culture; some students make it their business to get away, to “Vegas, L.A., San Diego,” all within a day’s drive of campus. Still, it’s hard to complain when the only campus improvement one freshman could think of is “moving sidewalks with back massage specialists everywhere.”
quote:National Ratings
#16 Class Discussions Rare #19 Great College Newspaper #17 Lots of Beer #20 Party Schools #17 Reefer Madness
posted
If you were motivated, you could get what you need out of UCSB, to get you into any grad school in the country.
The question is are you motivated enough? It is a hard thing to keep through four years of your life. Where do you think you will get better grades and how will that balance with the letters of recommendation from the more prestigious profs.
How well do you handle cold? It is definitely a factor in New York. If you are miserable when it is cold and gloomy you could easily get fantastically depressed there over a winter. I speak from experience and Oklahoma winters aren't nearly as bad as New York or Chicago winters.
I guess another thing, is how much do you want to change from the person you are now. In four years a lot of change takes place in your own thoughts and views on the world. I would hazard that less would take place at UCSB than if you went to NYU, just because of the comfort zone factor. Californians are different from most of the rest of the country and you will have culture shock when you move. NYU is the environment that is going to stretch you more for sure. It will be a huge change though, and the question is how far can you stretch before you snap?
posted
My supervisor (who sits right here next to me) -- his son attends NYU. Last year was his first year. He is loving it.(He's a great performer) Getting ready to move to a new housing arrangement out on Roosevelt Island (? is that right -- boss on the phone right now so I can't confirm that).
So if you have questions about it, ask me and I'll ask him, etc.
I think you should just GO -- just do it! Don't worry about the money, etc until you get there. Sometimes there are opportunities that come up that require you to just step out (I would say step of faith, but I know you're not religious) and see how the chips fall when you get there.
posted
If you really, really want NYU, you can make it happen. What's the residency requirement? If you take a year, or heck the next six months working and living somewhere in the state, will that significantly reduce your tuition while allowing you to save up some money? Then you're problem will be trying to find something to do with no degree that will actually pay enough to live on and let you save up.
Posts: 3956 | Registered: Jun 2001
| IP: Logged |
quote:There is no sweeter joy than that of knowing you can make others do what you want
I used to believe that this was true. I've since learned different. I know of a joy ten times that.
Lalo, I don't know if I was ever explicitly told how old you were, but I always knew. It's going to sound condescending, but I've considered you a project. You've got so much potential. I've been watching and hoping that you'll grow into it. I'm telling you dude, I've been where you are and I'm where I am now, and I'm so much better/faster/stronger and above all happier now than I was then. I'm going to give you some advice. Feel free to tell me to yank off, but I think that it could help.
I don't think that what I've learned in my journey from where you are to where I am can be taught. I think that they can only be lived and often suffered through. I'm going to try to give some signposts that I think would have been helpful for me.
Life isn't a race or a contest or anything like that. It's a process. If you approach everything with an eye towards some goal in the future, you're never going to taste the joy and beauty in every single moment (even the really crappy ones) that you are living. The future comes in to it, no doubt (I'm as invested in changing the world as you), but as an aid to the present that helps give it structure, not as a replacement for it.
Beauty, like love or joy or meaning or some many other things, is about 10% about what's outside. You said it yourself, you're in externally one of the better situations you've found yourself in. The lie in our culture is that the external determines the "goodness" of your life. People living in dirt poor third world countries have more joy in their lives than many Americans do. It's about who you are, not, except in cases of serious deprivation, what you have. A person who is capable of joy can, and will, find happiness living in a mud hut. One without this capacity will hate life in a gold palace.
Most people's opinions are worth very little. You can get most people to like you or even give you what they call love by being attractive, funny, powerful, wealthy, etc. This type of regard is, of itself, barely worth having. It can at times be a useful tool, but it has little to say about your true worth. Trust me, you can get very tired of being an object of worship. After a while, you can grow to despair of being the funniest guy in the room.
There are people who see deeper than this. THey are few, but precious. Their respect is worth more than all the adulation in the world. When such as these know you, truely and deep down, in all your strong points and weaknesses, and find you worthy, this is something to find confidence in. This is yours to carry around with you through whatever the rest of the world thinks, even when you are no longer strong or young or beautiful.
These type of people don't glorify you because you are strong, nor do they hate or look down on you because you are weak. It is the total picture than earns their regard. When you have it, instead of being over them or them over you, you are on the same level. It's from there that you can really build things. It's in building things or in feeding them and seeing them grow, that it one of the greatest opportunities for joy.
Chief of importance here is to be such a person and to honestly be able to respect yourself. If you do, the rest will come.
WIth you Eddie, I always am afraid that you mistake weakness for strength. The need to have power over other people, to force them to see as you do, is weakness. If people can or have to be forced, their agreement is not worth having. Anger is usually a manifestation of fear and not something to be proud of, but rather something to overcome. Two of the strongest things I person can do is to admit that they don't know things, that they doubt what they think they know and to acknowledge that other people can disagree with them, even hold opposite views, and not be either wrong or supid/evil/deceived or whatever. Confidence is when you can admit your weaknesses and prize the strength of others, not when you deceive yourself into think you have no weaknesses and believe that all who don't agree with you are automatically wrong.
My advice is to always try to recognize when you are taking the easy path. Anger is easy, taking power from a situation is easy, seeing only the bad in people who disagree with you is easy. Eden's a dream, and a lying one at that. Growth, and believe it or not joy, comes from taking the hard way. Life is the meaning of life, but it only takes on this meaning if you struggle.
Ehhh...maybe I'm talking about of my rear here. Again, disregard anything you want to. I felt that saying this was important. I would love to see you develop into the person that I think you can be. I've seen too many people betray the light they carry because they bought into the stupid way the world seems to work.
quote: If I go to UCSB, I'm effectively writing off any real hope of prestige in my undergraduate degree, as well as slimming my chances of a prestigious graduate degree (in relation to my chances from NYU).
First of all, prestige in your undergrad is not that important, particularly if you know you're going to go to graduate school. If you do decide to go to UCSB, it won't prevent you from getting into any grad school as long as you've got the grades to back it up.
If NYU is your dream school but you can't afford it, would it be possible to go somewhere else for a year or two and then transfer? That way you wouldn't rack up as much debt and you'd have the possibility of finding more financial aid.
And I have to say this because I learned it the hard way (and it's sounds like you're trying to follow in my footsteps) - always file the FAFSA and always file it as early as possible. Often schools will only give merit-based aid to people who filed the FAFSA. So file it even if you don't think you'll qualify for need-based aid.
Posts: 959 | Registered: Jan 2002
| IP: Logged |
quote: it won't prevent you from getting into any grad school as long as you've got the grades to back it up.
True but incomplete. My 4.0 from a not-so prestigious university did get me into every school I applied to. It got me absolutely nothing in terms of funding, though. Just as with his current undergraduate situation, he could end up with an offer he can't take because he isn't in a position to afford it.
Posts: 3956 | Registered: Jun 2001
| IP: Logged |
Prestigious schools have more prestigious, better internships and/or involvement in on-campus research -- and those can make a huge difference in opening up the door to career or grad school opportunities.
I've compared the internship/job opportunity book of UC Berkeley with the local Cal State. There's no comparison.
Posts: 3423 | Registered: Aug 2001
| IP: Logged |
posted
It's definitely a trade-off. I went to a pretty prestigious school for undergrad, and while all of my friends got jobs pretty easily, many of us got turned away from good grad schools. If I had gone to an easier school and gotten a 4.0 I might be at MIT or Cal Tech for my Master's. As things are I have a really nice undergrad degree and am going to Cal State Long Beach for my Master's. ::shrug::
Posts: 4534 | Registered: Jan 2003
| IP: Logged |
It all depends on how competitive you're going to be at the presitigious school. My fear for Eddie is that he might be tempted to let things slide a bit at UCSB.
Of course, if that's true then I guess my community college idea above might not work for him either. To make that work you have to be the top of your class, loved by all your profs and get straight A's.
Posts: 3423 | Registered: Aug 2001
| IP: Logged |
posted
Maybe he just got screwed over by some woman, like I just did. I think that phrase is a rather fitting description of my ex, and might of his ex as well. Of course, I could be totally wrong about Eddie. Posts: 4229 | Registered: Dec 2002
| IP: Logged |
My fresh tulip! Stretching your prestigious, fragile, neck out only to find yourself surrounded by acres of tulips! Reds, Yellows, Purples, Whites, all spelling out: WELCOME TO TALAHASEE, if anyone notices while walking on the promenade.
Posts: 575 | Registered: Jan 2002
| IP: Logged |
7 years ago about this time, I was sticking out my neck. I knew I needed to take a year off before college, but I was worried that Columbia wouldn't give me such a nice financial aid package as they had. So, off I went to NYC instead of staying close to home and going to K-State.
A year later, I dropped out and moved to Tallahassee. I can still picture the welcome flowers.
Will Little Eddie follow Big Eddie's path?
Perhaps we need another monteverde prophesy.
(actually, as monteverde's my grandmother's maiden name, I'm 1/4 monteverde. Maybe I should try my hand at prophesy.)
Posts: 5264 | Registered: Jul 2002
| IP: Logged |
posted
I'm nowhere near as capable as Eddie -- if he dropped out when he knew he wasn't ready to commit to another four years of education, I certainly won't be able to perform, much less thrive in college.
I wrote this post in my LJ earlier, and the more I think on it, the more I'm enjoying the prospect. I have one hell of a love affair with the sea. Thoughts?
[I intentionally don't reply to posts like Squick's (or Jeni's or Eddie's or anyone else's) in this thread, since there's no possible way I could do it any sort of justice -- nor could I make even a pretense at addressing the number without impossible redundancy and/or inanity. Therefore, when I respond, I do so in general terms, so as to not show favoritism and reveal Squick as one of the best damn people I've had the pleasure to know. I'm above that.]
quote:For those who don't follow my life events, I've been accepted to both NYU and UCSB (and waitlisted by BC, but that's a ridiculously unlikely shot). I'm torn between the two. NYU's prestigious, absolutely brilliant in any field I could possibly go into (namely English, literature, economics, business, political science, et. all), and in the middle of goddamn New York City. If I'm ever to accomplish anything with my life, NYU on my resume will almost certainly be a big boost in my attaining its achievement -- not only for the college's prestige, but also for the obscene number of connections I can make in NYC what with internships at Wall Street or hookers in Time Square. The latter will particularly help me should I ever go out to DC -- I'll need experience with whores if I'm to deal with Republicans. But yeah, NYU's everything I could want in a university. Unfortunately, it's not only impossibly expensive ($40k per year), it's also ridiculously high-pressure, or so I hear -- and I don't do well under pressure. Well, granted, I don't generally operate at all except under pressure, but I'm also fairly miserable when I'm forced to attain more with my life than fun and games -- add this to my general angsty gotta-do-something-with-my-life-before-I-shuffle-off-this-mortal-coil sentiment, and you got one confused-ass Mexican gringo.
UCSB's benefits aren't quite the polar opposite of NYU's perks, but they're not far from it. Of course UCSB's very prestigious in its own right, and half the cost of NYU (at a current $20k, though with probable cost increases in the future thanks to Ahnuld's education budget cuts) but it has all of, what, three Nobel laureates to boast of? Granted, I may stand a strong chance of transferring to Berkeley after two years, but then I'd just have the same problem then as I do now -- a choice between a difficult but powerful university and a laid-back, easygoing college. I don't intend to demean UCSB -- it really is excellent -- but it's not in the same tier as Berkeley or NYU.
But it's also fun. A ridiculous amount of fun. If I go there, I'll be right next to the beach, and I have a standing offer from my father out in Redlands to buy a kayak from his boss for cheap, should I choose to attend the place. Don't ask me why a guy in Redlands would have a kayak. But damn. UCSB's one hell of a four-year party. Isla Vista is populated by the most gorgeous women I've ever seen. I can learn to surf. I can take lonely romantic moonlit walks along the beach. I can make love on the moonlit beach. I can kayak out alone in the moonlight. There's a whole crapload of things I can do regarding moonlight and that beach should I choose to go to the damn place.
But do I want to? UCSB's not shameful, at all, but it won't draw the admiration an NYU degree would. There are no connections to be made, save those to rich blonde daddy's girls -- while they'll no doubt be entertaining while they last, I should at least pretend to think of the long-term ramifications of my B.A. For example, if I go to NYU, I have a ridiculously strong chance of making it into Stern business school, one of the, what is it, top ten business schools in the country? Just ridiculous. It's an important consideration to take into account -- but then, am I even going to have a business career? The only skill I'm half-talented in is writing, and even then, I'm not Melville reborn. NYU's got strong programs for that, too, of course -- and I could always apply for law school upon graduating NYU undergrad with a strong chance of acceptance thanks to my alma mater -- but, eh. I've no idea what I want to do with my life.
Increasingly, I find myself dreaming of deferring admission. I of course stand to risk what financial aid my mother's willing to offer me, but then, I'm not her puppet. She hasn't been my mother and I haven't been her son for years -- if she wants to believe she's a good person by paying for whatever percentage of my college tuition, I'm fine with it, but I'm nowhere near delusional enough to believe she's paying for my sake over her own. I need her money, but not at the cost of my pride and autonomy -- worse comes to worst, I'll shoulder the burden myself.
No. The more I think about it, the more I realize I don't know what I want to do with my life. I've no idea what I'm good at, and even less knowledge of what I enjoy. I need to experience life before I train for a professional career for it. I risk god knows how many thousands of dollars if I train for a profession I come to hate. No. I can't gamble. I'll register at both universities, and defer admission at both -- one year from today, I'll choose whichever one is more appropriate for me as befits my newfound experience.
I have a standing fantasy of reliving Melville's life. The chance of commercial whaling is of course beyond me -- or is it? -- but there's no reason why I can't take on a job as a fisherman for a season. Heh, at least not beyond my impossible seasickness -- but that'll go away as I gain my sea legs. I can extend my summer bike tour, and maybe tap DC and run a quick detour through the South to hit New Orleans and Pearce and etceteras. I can visit New Zealand, maybe -- maybe work my way there on a freighter or something.
Hmm. I'm a strong young man, I shouldn't have too much trouble getting employment as manual labor. And if I get a boss who's willing to tolerate my initial seasickness for two weeks, I may yet get a chance to live that dream.
Of course, heh, this takes away from my just-ended dream job of a counter man at Subway -- and I do so hate to take away from the glamour of my resume. Heh. I can do all the romantic crap I've wanted to do in this coming year. Why not? I have no standing commitments. I have nobody worth staying for, nor any responsibilities I'd leave unfulfilled. I have so little time and so much less youth -- why not live life to its fullest while I have the chance? I doubt I'll make much money, but then, this isn't about money. This is about getting horribly sick on a boat. This is about exploration of the wide world, come hell and high water. This is about giving my life a shot at petty romance before it settles into the tired rhythm of sitcoms and car repair that so characterizes and caricaturizes modern American life. This is about knowing happiness and discovering satisfaction. This is about what remnants of my soul I haven't yet sold.
Goddammit. This is about what few high points in my life I'll ever have.
I need to know what I can do before I decide who I'll become. I need money for college in any case -- no job I'm experienced for will pay much, but it'll pay something. And the money's secondary, anyway, to the importance of life experience in my underlived universe.
Damn. So am I decided? Am I going to defer admission and become a fisherman, of all possible jobs? There's any number of easier jobs available I can think of offhand, but none with the excitement or romance of the sea -- goddamn, I must read Melville too much. Why am I so in love with this idea? I'm a terrible seaman, all dirty jokes aside. I get sick in goddamn powerboat cruises around a bay. And I'll go stir-crazy on a tiny boat with nowhere to go and less to do, between my no doubt to-be-constant barfing periods. But heh. Jesus. It's a must. I'll do it.
This means travelling light. This means I can't have my computer, nor anything of actual value -- I'll be forced to live on essentially the same provisions I have for my bike trip. Somewhere to sleep, clothes to wear, a journal, and books -- but no television but that provided by someone else. No Internet. No car. Probably rare meals but those I filch from the catches. Will I have enough money to rent an apartment? Will I do this at all? The more I think about it, the crazier it becomes -- heh. Good.
posted
I think you're crazy. I also don't think all-around prestige is as important as having a good reputation in whatever it is that you're studying.
Posts: 9057 | Registered: Nov 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
Eddie, I think the multiple contradictory images you keep trying to cultivate get in the way of your attempts to discover who you actually ARE.
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
| IP: Logged |
posted
FYI, if you defer and then back out, universities get REALLY ticked. I had to write Columbia a letter to get them off my back.
Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
| IP: Logged |
I sent the admissions director (or someone thereabouts) a letter a while back.
Now I'm being offered an $18,000 scholarship, apparently.
I don't know the details -- she left it as a message on our answering machine, and my mom erased it before I got the chance to hear it -- but this tilts the playing field dramatically.
Doesn't it?
Crap. This may mean I can't take next year off.
I, crap, I've got no idea how I'm feeling about this. Thrilled to get the scholarship, angry at the loss of my time, disappointed in the vaporization of what wild fantasies I've entertained... Yeesh...
Man. I could use a hug. Possibly some oral sex. I really gotta clear my mind.
Posts: 3293 | Registered: Jul 2002
| IP: Logged |
posted
God alone knows. I'm not sure what the hell's going on -- apparently the woman at the admissions office said if I were to attend NYU, there are $18k in scholarships I could have. My mother's under the impression that means they'll give me $18k if I go there. I'm suspicious that they mean I can apply for $18k in scholarships and see what happens.
And if is apply-for money, I won't win it. My GPA is absolute shit -- all that's saved me are my testing scores and essays. And in this latest revelation, probably the letter I sent the admissions office back, what, a week or two ago.
Gah.
I need to clear my head.
Posts: 3293 | Registered: Jul 2002
| IP: Logged |
1) Take a firmer hand in your own future. Understand the finances and requirements.
2) Stop pretending to want things that you don't actually want. You don't get style points for acting callow.
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
| IP: Logged |
quote: Confidence is when you can admit your weaknesses and prize the strength of others, not when you deceive yourself into think you have no weaknesses and believe that all who don't agree with you are automatically wrong.
Though possibly meaningless coming from me, Squick, that's a fantastic way to articulate that.
posted
Tom, I'm not sure I understand you. How much firmer a hand can I take in my future than I am? Granted, I need to decide what the hell I'm going to do, but when I figure that much out, I'm set to do it.
I'm not, as you complained, "pretending to want things you don't actually want" -- whatever the hell that means. Your disapproval of my "acting callow" can refer only to my expressed desire for oral sex -- while I am picky about potential donors, heh, I swear on my honor, I really would appreciate some right now. As far as the sailing fantasy goes, it's one hell of a temptation. But I may not be able to take up on it, because...
...NYU's letter is due to be postmarked by tomorrow. Yeah. God alone knows why my mother a) erased the message and b) didn't tell me this earlier, but I've just been informed that I'll have to mail my acceptance by tomorrow, or not at all.
As ironic as this is coming after my protestation that I have firm control over my life, due to the deadline, I have no choice but to mail the damn thing. And dammit, I think I'm happy about it. NYU's one hell of a university -- it may not have a beach, but hell, it's NYC.
But damn, I'll miss that beach. I may never have another chance to live alongside one. Nor may I know such an easygoing environment ever again.
It looks like I'm making up my mind. NYU's my choice, if the scholarship money is real. And if the money is real, I may go for my freshman year, then, as Jeni suggested, during my sophomore year take a "vacation term" and learn to be a sailor in the Atlantic then, when my scholarship's safely secured.
But, dammit, I'm not happy about this. I'll have responsibilities then, friendships and lovers and financial concerns. Responsibilities I can't lightly throw away for a year -- right now, none of my friendships in MeatSpace are particularly binding, given that we don't expect to see each other again once we graduate. I'll never have such independence from the affairs of men again.
If I can, I'll ask that my scholarship be deferred for a year along with my admission. If it can't, I have no choice but to attend next year.
I'll miss UCSB. A damn fine school. But ultimately, all it has to offer is a school -- NYU can offer me NYC. Wall Street and Central Park. Hookers walking Times Square and prostitutes in business suits. Though the place doesn't have the appeal it once did -- neither Sean nor Eddie live in NYC anymore -- I'm sure I'll find something up there worth spending time with.
Oy. My emotions are ridiculously divided over this decision. On the one hand, NYU's the college of my dreams, and has been for years -- on the other, what kind of responsibilities am I taking on by bearing the heavier yoke of a high-pressure world? If my knees buckled under the gentle hand of high school, how the hell am I going to carry New York on my back?
I know I need some time off, something to focus my life on than getting by in classes that barely interest me. This need is in no small part motivation for my bike tour -- I want to disengage my mind from my arm for some time, to live life without thinking too deeply on it. This bike tour's perfect -- I loved running for its ability to blank out my thoughts to the rhythm of my feet, and I can do the same this summer, by focusing on the simple task of pumping my feet to the tune in my earphones. The sea holds that same beautiful simplicity -- I can lose myself in the early mornings and easy beauty of the open sea, concentrating less on what I need to do than what I want to do.
Well, no, it's not that I want to disengage my mind -- I'm after simplicity, not stupidity. Simple responsibilities to ensure my independence and autonomy from complex problems. Running to the sea to find this life is admittedly a damn stupid fantasy, but I think it's doable -- one of my few gifts is my strength, and I don't think I need much to join a seasonal crew, union issues aside. If I can do this, I want to -- not for the sacks of money and oodles of prestige I'm bound to get from the job, but for the greater rewards of a hard job done well by the strength of my arm in a beautiful environment. For knowing other aspects of life before I commit to any one avenue of it. The life of a laborer is hard, but hell, people come from my father's country every day to work for daily wages a fraction of what I would make hourly, their shaky careers found in much harsher conditions, with much more difficult work. For my part, I can at least pretend to know a job that requires sweat before I lose whatever chance I ever had to exercise such a lifestyle.
Posts: 3293 | Registered: Jul 2002
| IP: Logged |
posted
"Your disapproval of my 'acting callow' can refer only to my expressed desire for oral sex..."
Well, no. It refers to a number of things in which you express mostly feigned interest -- like a fishing career, New York whores, and so on. I'm sure, like most people, you find these things just briefly intriguing -- but like most people, Eddie, you know they're not for you. Unlike most people, though, you feel the need to hang them out there as valid options to serve as a kind of shield, a distraction from the life you ACTUALLY want to be living.
And trust me, you aren't taking control of your college options. You don't know how much the schools cost, you don't know what your scholarship options are, you haven't applied for any independent scholarships, and you frequently contacted me a day or two before the final day an essay was due to get my opinion on it. This does not constitute an organized approach to your future.
(As a side note, I think you perhaps overestimate the "simplicity" of being a whaler, and underestimate the men involved. I know quite a few people who're now fishermen who got college degrees -- and, if you're still attracted to the possibility, keep in mind that fishing is a popular summer job with a certain college crowd, depending on your willingness to travel -- and be trapped on a boat for three months with a bunch of middle-aged men with moustaches.)
posted
Not much surprises me, Lalo. Not that you're younger than I assumed or that you're going to as great a school as NYU.
Nice work, mate. Congratulations.
And to echo what so many others have said, you'll be a different person in a few years. Women will find you attractive and life will be sweet. I used to think that chicks'd never dig me. It wasn't a problem once I was comfortable with who I am.
quote:Well, no. It refers to a number of things in which you express mostly feigned interest -- like a fishing career, New York whores, and so on. I'm sure, like most people, you find these things just briefly intriguing -- but like most people, Eddie, you know they're not for you. Unlike most people, though, you feel the need to hang them out there as valid options to serve as a kind of shield, a distraction from the life you ACTUALLY want to be living.
You misunderstand in a big way here, Tom. I've no interest in a fishing career -- but as a seasonal job before I go back to education? I'm very interested. I don't underestimate the men involved -- god knows I have much to learn about fishing, starting with which end of the pole to hold -- but if little else, I'm good muscle, and quick to learn. I've no idea what's left to do on a boat that isn't done better by a machine -- hauling in nets, stacking crates, navigating, etc. -- but surely they can find a use for me somewhere. I don't demean the worth or education of a whaler; I only accurately judge the sort of job I'm experienced enough for on a fishing expedition.
My references to the many prostitutes of New York, if you've paid attention, are cracks at Republicans and businessmen. I find little intrigue in contracting venereal disease, and even less understanding of why you decided to believe I held such an interest.
As far as your declaration that "you feel the need to hang them out there as valid options to serve as a kind of shield, a distraction from the life you ACTUALLY want to be living" -- which life is it, exactly, that I'm so intent on living? If you know, tell me -- I'm rather fuzzy on the details, myself.
As far as my understanding of the schools goes... Tom, read my second post in this thread. It lists the total costs of each college, including tuition, housing, meal plans, etc. I've been frightfully negligent in the independent scholarships, true, but only because I know I won't qualify for any. Hell, my PSAT score was high enough to win me a National Merit scholarship -- unfortunately, since my GPA is below a 3.5, I won only a "National Merit Honor" award. Similarly, to qualify for the National Hispanic Scholar (or some similar title) award, I needed to score in the top 2% of Hispanics, I believe. Which, of course, I did. But GPA was too low for me to be considered a scholar -- I won a similar honor from the society, and nothing more. There are some few scholarships around that don't demand my GPA, I know, and I feel guilty for not applying for them -- however, failure to apply for scholarships represents only added future cost on my shoulders; irresponsibility, not lack of control. An irresponsibility which, might I add, a seasonal fishing job would have helped me pay off.
As far as the essays go, you were a great help with the UC essays. I can't thank you enough. But those were due in November. The rest of my applications were due months later, and I relied on Eddie's ridiculously patient help for those. I won't deny that I frequently waited until the last second to write my essays -- my NYU essay, in particular, was written in quite literally the eleventh hour, my older essay scrapped in light of last-minute advice from my heterosexual soulmate and NYU alumnae Sean -- but for the most part, my essay was fairly well-crafted and honed for weeks thanks to poor beleagured Eddie's revision. I did send it to you in the last second, as an afterthought -- no disrespect is intended, but you weren't key in crafting this essay, and your advice, while invaluable, couldn't possibly suggest anything Eddie hadn't already tossed out -- but I placed little responsibility on your shoulders, at least for those. Similarly, I tossed it out to Moose, who caught some damn important revisions. I contacted both him and you because I hold enormous respects for your intellects and I was willing to whore out my essay to whoever could refine it just that much more; but while I'm enormously grateful for both your help, there's no denying Eddie's far larger burden of gratitude from me. That is to say, while you were damn helpful, my ultimate victory in NYU (the essay for which Eddie edited even as I wrote each succeeding paragraph) and most others is due to the help of Eddie, with whom I collaborated for quite some time.
But now that I have that out of the way -- honest, guy, I don't know how I've lessened myself in your eyes (unless, understandably, all the useless dissipation in this thread is getting to you), but neither did I realize I had become such a pathetic manic that you would come to disbelieve me when I declare my interest in a certain field. You don't know me as well as I'd like and your family to, but for the record, I have a standing love for Melville, and no slight interest in experiencing what few aspects of his life still available today. I also love the sea, despite my embarrassing penchant for throwing up whenever I board a ship -- I doubt I'll ever be Ahab born again, but there's no reason why I shouldn't try out the sea while I'm still young and strong and responsibility-free enough to carry through with the dream.
Unless, of course, I'm no longer responsibility-free. God, I hope I can defer this scholarship, provided it exists in the first place.
Posts: 3293 | Registered: Jul 2002
| IP: Logged |
posted
Heh, of course they find you attractive, EG -- you've got a foreign accent. How can they resist?
As far as my fears go, I worry not so much that women won't eventually find me attractive, but that in time what slight grip I have on the steel pole of youth will weaken with age, and my exotic dance will abruptly end with wounded pride and a damaged body, incapable of returning to any semblance of its former, if not glory, power. But I've been meaning to update this thread and correct several understandably mistaken impressions for some time -- even I'm nowhere near narcissistic enough to create a landmark centered around my, sigh, oh-so-wonderful beauty. Heh. No, my problem lies with the same goddamn problem that's plagued every philosopher and angst-ridden fourteen-year-old girl for the past couple millenia -- the irreversible and unrepairable flow of time, which yes, does rob us of youth, strength, and beauty; but more importantly, steals opportunity from between my fingertips, its theft usually irreplacable and always costly to what few opportunities available for exploitation lie in what little future I have remaining.
Posts: 3293 | Registered: Jul 2002
| IP: Logged |
Well you ARE totally ignorant about commercial fishing. In this day and age it rarely involves a pole, and mostly involves nets. Haven't you ever been to the docks and watched them unload fish with the seagulls circling overhead? It is a smelly business and probably directly related to why I don't like seafood. And I have a friend who went to Alaska to do that for a summer and very much enjoyed herself, however I think you will find it to be a lot of physical labor just like your planting trees was. The best summer job I know of though it involved a lot of physical labor, was the friends I had who spent the summer as trail hands in Yosemite packing the researchers and mtn climbers supplies in by horseback, and running horsback tours for tourists.
posted
It's true. You are going to age. Your physical well being will peak. Your body will eventually start to deteriorate. You are going to die. People will forget you. Life will move on. What does that have to do with your life?
If life, ageing, death, and obscurity freak you out, you are very insecure. That is ok tho, you are still only 18. Your view on life now will change in 5, 10, 20, 30, 50 years. It is good that no one’s maturity is static.
Posts: 1034 | Registered: Mar 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
The first 7 paragraphs of Eddie's first post followed by
quote: Others have led insignificant lives as well, serving no purpose but consumption of the resources of the world
show more of an obsession and insecurity of ageing then he will have in 5, 10, 20 years. People's maturity is not static. I hope to hell I am more mature in 30 years then I am now, and it would be ridiculous to think I have peaked in my understanding of life. It should be comforting to Eddie to know that how he feels now will probably not be how he feels during the rest of his life.
Posts: 1034 | Registered: Mar 2004
| IP: Logged |
quote: My mother's under the impression that means they'll give me $18k if I go there. I'm suspicious that they mean I can apply for $18k in scholarships and see what happens.
in his post. Seriously, why aren't you calling this woman back and asking which it is?
Posts: 3956 | Registered: Jun 2001
| IP: Logged |
posted
ditto celia, the phone is a cheap and easy way to find out!
AJ
(Actually I assumed you were calling since it is merely common sense. It never dawned on me that you might not. If your mother complains about the phone bill, expending a few dollars to find out about 18K in scholarships and a decision that effects the rest of your life, is more than a fair trade.)
posted
Yeah, I thought so as well, but since no one had mentioned it, I thought I should just in case. I would hate to find out tomorrow that he missed today's postmark because it didn't occur to him to call.
posted
For the record, I was gonna mention calling the Admissions Office about the 18 grand, but Celia wins the "addressing the most immediate concern" award. -Bok
Posts: 7021 | Registered: Nov 1999
| IP: Logged |
posted
The sun, the sun, the sun, Our tulip stretchs his final little inch--until Spread-eagled broken blooms reveal Nothing much, and fall, or flutter, One by one by one
To ground. There, Beside a green shoot of some waking beauty the petals fade back to themselves.
I saw it all happen this morning, While I walked to the corner store To buy some more milk for my coffee: The flower collapsed, like a bad metaphor.
Posts: 575 | Registered: Jan 2002
| IP: Logged |
Printer-friendly view of this topic
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
![[Dont Know]](graemlins/dontknow.gif)
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
