This landmark has been difficult for me to write because I’ve always had trouble expressing my emotions, good or bad. The only reason I’m writing it now is because if I don’t post it now, I probably never will. Since I primarily stick to the fluff threads, I’m not very good at writing serious stuff, so I hope you’ll all bear with me.
I’d like to thank those who have made me feel welcome at Hatrack. I won’t name you individually, because I know I’d forget to name somebody. Well, I would like to thank the Cards for giving us this place to gather.
As many of you know my mom was diagnosed with cancer. I can’t believe it’s been 6 months since she had her mastectomy. She’s just finished chemotherapy, but will soon begin radiation therapy. While she’s going well thus far, I’m worried about what the future holds. I have a family history of cancer. My grandfather died from lung cancer and emphysema. My grandmother had breast cancer twice. Aside from the cancer, my mom is also diabetic. I am really scared.
As many of you also know, I am suffering from depression. Depression sucks. I’ve been depressed for at least 20 years. This is what has me convinced that it’s clinical depression as opposed to a simple case of the blues. No matter how depressed I’ve gotten, I’ve never contemplated suicide. I’m worried about what would happen if my mom dies. Things are going well so far, but with cancer you never know.
Admitting to all of you that I’m suffering from depression is the scariest thing I’ve ever done. I did it because, as the saying goes, I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was amazed at the responses I got to my thread about depression. It’s good to know that I’m not alone.
Hatrack is the first place I’ve found where I feel like I fit in. It’s a safe harbor from the storms of life.
I tend to post in the fluff threads, avoiding the serious threads. It’s not because I don’t have opinions on the various issues being discussed. I worry about someone being offended by something I’ve said. Maybe it’s because I, myself am so sensitive to criticism.
In conclusion, I’d like to thank Hatrack for accepting me and making me feel welcome.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
quote:It’s a safe harbor from the storms of life.
It sure is. I'm glad you found your way here. Good luck with everything. Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
quote: I tend to post in the fluff threads, avoiding the serious threads. It’s not because I don’t have opinions on the various issues being discussed. I worry about someone being offended by something I’ve said. Maybe it’s because I, myself am so sensitive to criticism.
Same here.
(((((Derrell))))) Glad you're with us! Posted by Jim-Me (Member # 6426) on :
<raises glass>
Posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion (Member # 6473) on :
Congrats. Its a blessing to have such dedicated posters on this site. Kudos. Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
I'm glad you feel so welcomed, Derrell. Keep us posted. Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Wow! Thanks to all who've posted.
(((Katharina))) (((AofD))) (((Jim-me))) (((Eruve)))
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
(((CT))) Will do.
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
(((((Derrell)))))
I'm glad you're here. Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
Well done! You still haven't told me what your new calling is.
How about battling depression by spending the summer camped out on the shores of a high mountain wilderness lake with a couple of buddies, a float tube, some fishing gear, and a good book?
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
(((Telperion))) (((rivka)))
Thank you all
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
skillery, I don't have a new calling yet. That idea of camping by a mountain lake sounds good. I just wish I could find a way to pull it off.
Posted by Alexa (Member # 6285) on :
Derell,
Welcome. Altho I am probably newer then you, I am grateful for everyone on hatrack. It is truly a great place to share ideas, learn, and get support. ((Derell)).
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
Derell, both you and your mother are in my thoughts and prayers. Gratz on 1000.
Dagonee
Posted by larisse (Member # 2221) on :
Derrell....
I am glad Hatrack is here, too. If it wasn't, I wouldn't meet such wonderful people like you. Well, I might, but my odds are greatly improved.
I am glad you've reached your 1,000th post. Now, I just have to reach mine.
BTW, I did read your story. I liked it a lot. I just haven't gotten around to typing up my notes on it. Of course, they are probably moot by now. Just thought you'd like to know.
Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
I empathize. I really do.
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
(((Alexa))) (((Dagonee)))Thanks for the prayers. (((larisse)))I'll take all the feedback I can get. (((twinky)))
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Hatrack is only a wonderful place because wonderful people come (and stay) here.
Congratulations on making it to 1000! I hope you have many more posts ahead of you!
I hadn't realized that your mom is battling cancer. I'll be sure to keep her in my prayers.
Posted by Corwin (Member # 5705) on :
Hey, Derrell ! Congrats on your 1000 posts !
And thanks for keeping your landmark short, so I had the time to read it... (busy weeks...)
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
(((ludosti))) slacker won't mind me hugging you, will he? (((Corwin)))You're welcome.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
I wouldn't think so. Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Depression is terrible. I hope everything goes well with you.
Don't even think about putting those little parenthesis around my name.
Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
*resists urge to hug Ralphie so she won't kick his butt* Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
Congrats on 1000, I'm glad you've stuck around Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Thanks, Myr. (((Myr)))
Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :
Happy 1000th post! Posted by Megachirops (Member # 4325) on :
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Posted by BYuCnslr (Member # 1857) on :
:: huggle :: :: looks foward to another 10000 :: Satyagraha
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
(((Nick))) (((Megachirops))) (((BYuCnslr)))
Posted by tt&t (Member # 5600) on :
(((((Derrell)))))
Derrell, I'd like to thank you for the help you've given me this past week. I know you've been going through a tough time for a while now, and it's totally awesome that even through your pain you can still be there for other people. Dude, you rock. Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :
Wow, I think that was my first cyber-hug from another dude...
I appreciate the sentiment, but that's just too wierd man. jk
Serious though, it seems like person after person was getting 1000 posts and posting landmarks. I didn't know who any of them were. Since most of your posts are consist of more than just " " I say I hope you stay and I also hope we have more posters like you. Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
(((tt&t))) You're welcome. I find that helping others feel better makes me feel better.
Nick, I'm not going anywhere. Hatrack feels like home to me. The people here are a family. It's a dysfunctional family, but a family none the less.
Posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion (Member # 6473) on :
Wow, I just reached 100 posts in 3 or four days since I registered.
Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
Wow, I thought you were here longer than that. Welcome to hatrack!
(wOOt for elven names! Can you tell me how you get the little marks above the letters in your SN?)
[ April 23, 2004, 12:08 PM: Message edited by: Eruve Nandiriel ]
Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
((((((((((Derrell)))))))))) I noticed you few after your arrival beyond us, and immediatly felt sympathy for you, perhaps because our similar experiments with cancer. I like you, Derrell, and I'm glad you're part of Hatrack. EDIT : because I can't type
[ April 23, 2004, 12:43 PM: Message edited by: Anna ]
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
(((Anna))) Don't worry about it. Thank you.
AofD, congratulations on 100 posts.
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
AofD, I'm looking forward to getting to know you better in your future posts.
(Remember Maeth, Tom. )
Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :
quote: Can you tell me how you get the little marks above the letters in your SN?
Eruve Nandiriel, it's very easy. I'm guessing you're running Windows. You go: Start menu>programs>accessories>system tools>character map
Click on the character you want, and in the bottom right corner of the window, it will show you what to press to create that letter. For example to get and "o" with an acute over it, you hold alt and press 0, 2,4, and 3 in succession. alt+0243=ó Get it?
Posted by thrak (Member # 5499) on :
Derrell, my mom was diagnosed with cancer a few years back. They caught it much too late to do anything with and we didn't have very much longer with her. She died not much after my own 30th birthday. I miss her every day. I hope that things turn out much better with your mom. I will keep her in my thoughts.
Todd
Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
Derrell, I hope your mom recovers quickly, and I appreciate you opening up about your depression. Congrats on 1000! (((Derrell)))
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Thanks, thrak. Things are going well, so far. She will soon begin radiatin therapy. I'm nervous about what thefuture holds. Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Thank you, pooka. (((pooka)))
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
Congrats on making past 1,000 posts!
Farmgirl
Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
(((thrak))) I have know a similar experiment, and I know how it's hard.
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
{Hoists a glass of homebrew to toast your landmark post}
Using the power of positive thought energy to assist your mother in a successful return to good health.
I think I may have had a few bouts of depression myself although I've never been diagnosed or treated. I'm using the aforementioned power of positive thought energy to help you find joy in life and realize that tomorrow perpetually holds promise.
Darren
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
(((((Derrell)))))
We love having you with us!
Posted by ak (Member # 90) on :
derrell, good luck to you in battling your depression. It's a formidable foe. I hope your mother's cancer will be cured as well. My home teacher, who is in med school, told me yesterday that the survival rate for all cancers is now 90%, up from 0% one lifetime ago. Breast cancer is one of the most treatable kinds. Best of luck to both you and your mom.
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
(((Farmgirl))) (((punwit))) Hoists a glass of root beer to punwit. (((Mayday))) How are you doing? (((ak))) She is doing pretty well. At this moment I'm feeling alright.
Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
quote: Click on the character you want, and in the bottom right corner of the window, it will show you what to press to create that letter. For example to get and "o" with an acute over it, you hold alt and press 0, 2,4, and 3 in succession. alt+0243=ó
I can't seem to get it to work by typing it in. The best I can do is copy and paste.
-Erúvë
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
(((((Derrell))))) Congratulations, pal. I know I've found a great friend in you, and I know that many others have as well! Please, stay for at LEAST 2000 more!
*clinks glass* Congrats, again!
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
(((Raia))) Thank you. I do plan to stick around for at least 2000 more posts. I'm fortunate to have you as a friend.
Posted by Kasie H (Member # 2120) on :
*jaw hits floor*
1088 posts in....four months?
Wow!
(((Derrel)))
Congratulations!
Posted by ak (Member # 90) on :
Eruve, if I remember correctly, you have to use the numbers on the numeric keypad over on the right. The numbers across the top of the keypad don't work for this alt+number way of entering characters.
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
![[Angst]](graemlins/angst.gif)
I have a family history of cancer. My grandfather died from lung cancer and emphysema. My grandmother had breast cancer twice. Aside from the cancer, my mom is also diabetic. I am really scared.![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[The Wave]](graemlins/thewave.gif)
![[Wave]](graemlins/wave.gif)
![[Group Hug]](graemlins/grouphug.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
I'll be sure to keep her in my prayers.
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
(busy weeks...)
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
![[Blushing]](graemlins/blushing.gif)
![[Hat]](graemlins/hat.gif)
Congrats on making past 1,000 posts!