posted
I didn't do a landmark for my 8000 because I didn't feel I had anything that warranted it.
Things have been interesting lately in terms of memories, emotions, and issues surrounding my childhood and my current State of the Family.
Or lackthereof.
I like to play this game of pretend--pretend that I don't care about not having a Family, that how I grew up doesn't bother me, that I have no sort of post traumatic stress syndrome.
Pretending is easier than dealing.
But lately it's been biting me in the ass. Twice in the past two months I've had two incidents of actual PTSD flashbacks--I haven't had a problem with this for a few years. So I figured that the problem didn't exist, that I was okay with everything.
Emotions and memories say I'm not.
I found a manila envelope full of old photos from my childhood and my parents' childhood. I scanned some and put them together in an album on my site with some commentary.
posted
It's amazing how happy and normal people can look in a picture, regardless of what's really going on.
Jamie, you were a lovely and lovable child -- and you are a beautiful and lovable adult. (((((Jamie)))))Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
I'm so glad to see my daughter isn't the only person who saw their seventh birthday before they lost their top teeth. At least, it seems that way. I guess you might be hiding missing teeth in the 6 yr old picture. Sorry about your folks, Mack. But at least they didn't stick it out and have 8 more kids!
Posts: 11017 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
Your mom is my age. The hair styles in that prom picture brought back memories.
quote:mackillian: As the photos continue and I get older, my smiles become lessened, they become fake. They reflect the beaten-down me...
My mom and dad and I were looking at old slides a few years ago, and my mom said something similar about me. She said: "you used to be so happy."
Kids are happy because being happy takes work, and kids work at being happy all the time. I'm now working at being happy, and I've had some success, but I often do the adult equivalent of drawing on mom's walls. Just keep a bucket of paint handy to fix the mistakes.
Posts: 2655 | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
Hmm. Your link isn't working for me. In fact, I can't get to your photo gallery at all, even if I go to Madowl first. (It appears that glump.net is having a problem, since all the links with glump.net in them won't load.)
Posts: 5771 | Registered: Nov 2000
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posted
Oh, Mack, you could have been my child. Your parents are my age.
This is one of the most beautiful and poignant biographies I have ever seen or read.
You were so beautiful, and are now. You look so much like your mother. Maybe some day when she finally matures, you will connect with her.
It is so ironic. My mother died when I was not even two. I have spent my life trying to discover who she was. I realize that I am not the only one. There are people with living mothers doing the same thing. It breaks my heart in two.
Thank you so much for sharing this.
Liz(edit to put my name in)
PS I loved those horses. Do they still make them? Did you talk to it as if it were a real horse, like I did?
[ April 11, 2004, 10:57 PM: Message edited by: Elizabeth ]
Posts: 10890 | Registered: May 2003
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Those horses are quite popular in local antique shops. Often they are removed from the bouncy frame, painted, and then put on a pole and sold as a decor item for a little girl's room. They get painted in all kinds of cheery carousel styles.
posted
No doubt about it, you were a cutie-pie! I don't know the best way to reconcile childhood trauma with the fact that, invariably, there are some happy memories. It's a tough one.
I have a friend who has an addictive personality. He told me once that he realized he was addicted to caffeine when he gave it up, and suddenly started thinking about childhood crap (really, really serious childhood crap) he hadn't thought of in years. He had apparantly been using the caffeine to cope. He said it made it abundantly clear how slippery such things are.
You've obviously made a lot of progress and will continue to do so. Glad you're here.
posted
That's a really neat album. You even bear some resemblance to that little girl in those pictures. It's so strange how hindsight colors things isn't it?
*refrains from giving mack a hug in order to respect personal space* Yes I'm a wus and afraid of getting beaten up. Posts: 872 | Registered: Mar 2002
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