Some words, some phrases have the power to change the universe. Or at least my universe.
Magic is, in my definition, the ability to inflict change on the physical world using means that, on a purely physical level, should not effect the physical world in any major way.
Waiving a wand should not make a rabbit disappear.
Saying magical words should not change the world. Yet they do every day.
A judge says the words Guilty or Innocent, and a person's life is altered. A minister says, "By the power invested in me..." and two people are considered a couple, linked by binding chains of community and faith. A man stands in front of a crowd and vows, using the sacred words, to protect the constitution and the people of this country, and the whole world may feel this change.
Words are powerful.
The smallest words can make the greatest changes. The word "Only" has the power to reduce the size of a number. While $50.00 is a high fee, paying only$50.00 somehow seem easier. This is a trick we are taught in sales, the power of Only. Watch the adds from now on and notice how often this word appears.
Words and numbers are how we organize, comprehend, and analyze the world we live in. Numbers are hard and fast and unyielding. They are the blocks of science. Words are soft and fuzzy, moldable to fit into our pre-concieved ideas and philosophies. That is the magic of words.
I believe that the universe is only 1% real. The other 99% is assumption, deduction, prejudice, belief, theory, hypothesis, faith and illusion. This is much like the walls in my office are mostly space, when you get down to the Atomic level. They are hardly there. This is scientific fact. Yet if I try to walk through what is hardly there, I will not make it through. Words allow us to work wonders with that 99%.
Personally, words spoken and words written have a solidifying effect on me. Things happen to me constantly, but its only when I put those events into words that they become real. Oh, mentally I know they happened, but when I say the words, I begin to really believe it happened.
My grandmother died when I was in College. She had helped raise me, as both my parents worked when I was a child. She had always lived near by, and is still a role model for me when I think of personal strength. I perfectly understood what happened. I attended the funeral. I looked at her in the coffin. I helped my father and aunt and cousins and brothers through this time. I helped carry her out to the grave site. All this I did without the reallity of what was going on sinking into me. It was only the first time that I said, "My grandmother died." that it hit me. I couldn't get the last word out.
I still have trouble saying that sentence.
When I proposed to my wife, I had the whole scene worked out and rehearsed. The evening started with a good meal, a game of mini-golf, and a showing of Revenge of the Nerds II. Our first movie together was Revenge of the Nerds. Yes, that does date us, and yes, those are not particularly romantic movies. We were supposed to be part of a nerdy group seeing the first movie, but only us two showed up. We think our friends planned it that way, but I digress.
After the movie I took her to my house, went out to the lake, stretched a blanket on the grass and stared up at the stars.
"The stars are beautiful tonight." I said. She agreed. "Almost as beautiful as you." She disagreed. "On nights like this it seems you can almost reach up and touch the stars." I reached up. "Oooh. Look. I caught one." I produced the ring I had palmed. Its diamond reflected the moonlight. "There is only one thing this star could possibly be for. Cindy, would you marry me?" I put it on her finger.
She cried. She said yes. We kissed. It all went perfectly according to plan. Walking back up to my house I was feeling the adrenaline, but something was missing.
We went to my parents. I started to tell them what happened, and I couldn't. "Mom, Dad, Cindy and I...Well.." I was blocked. Suddenly, with the words coming out of my mouth I realized how big and how important this change in my life was. It hit me then like a truck, like a lightening bolt. My life, the universe as I knew it was changing. It was changing for the better, but it was changing hard.
Cindy just showed them the ring. I don't remember the rest of the night, except I kept repeating the words, engaged, married, love. They just felt so scarey, so powerful, so good.
I can name other times, when other words changed my reality, my universe, my world. I have come to recognize them for what they are and the power and magic in their sounds.
I have come to say some more magic words. I have come to change my universe again.
Father
Daddy
Dad
In other threads I have mentioned that my wife and I are adopting. I want to thank everyone for their support and encouragement. However, the reality of the adoption is soon to be forced on me. In 15 days (yes, this will be my countdown thread too) I will fly off to Russia, to Astrakahn, to meet my children. I do not know yet if I will have two sons, two daughters, or one of each. Honestly, I don't care.
I don't know their names yet, or what they look like, or who they are. Is that so different from other parents?
In little more than 2 weeks, two visits of the trash man, two more nasty Monday mornings and wild Saturday nights, I will be on my way to meet the two wonderful people who will change everything.
We will walk into a room where few speak the same magic words as we do. We will find in that room two people, strangers in a strange land. Words will be spoken. Documents will be signed. And even though we will not be able to take them with us right away, those strangers and my wife and I will become one family.
I will become a father. I will become the daddy. I, who will be 40 in July will suddenly have two smaller people depending on me for their future, their food, their lives.
If you still do not believe in magic words let me say that when I read the previous paragraph out loud, I feel the magic, the power, the fear, the hope.
Father
Daddy
Dad
My hands shake.
A smile comes unbidden to my face.
Father
Daddy
Dad
Pop, Pa, Pater, Mr. Davis.
My back straightens.
Father
Daddy
Dad
Fears swim in my mind. Doubts creep up into my thoughts, as doubts like to do.
Am I ready?
What if?
Only 15 days.
Father
Daddy
Dad
If I repeat that magic mantra, perhaps the reality will sink in and I'll be ready.
posted
Let's have 6000 more magic words like that, Dan.
Thanks for being such a classy addition to our Hatrack community. You're insightful, thoughtful, humorous and serious, and we wouldn't be the same without you here. Posts: 8504 | Registered: Aug 1999
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posted
The second landmard to bring a tear to my eye in just the last week . . . that was beautiful. Your words magically described sensations I have felt without being able to find words for them myself. As I read this, I thought about the day Cor and I went to pick up our new daughters, and all that was running through my mind.
Dan, I think that's the first post I've ever read that has actually made me cry. That was absolutely beautiful. You're a treasure to have here, I've enjoyed every moment of being associated with someone as awe-inspiring as yourself. Thank you for those 6000, and here's to millions more! *clinks glass*
I will always see magic differently now... every instance of it will make the world more beautiful. Posts: 7877 | Registered: Feb 2003
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posted
Congratulations! There's nothing cooler or more wonderful than becoming a parent. Nothing. And those are magic words...Daddy....Mommy. I drink in the sound of them, especially from my almost 2 year old, because from her baby lips the words are so new. They aren't chipped away by my mistakes yet. And I think when my son becomes a Daddy, it'll be new again, because he'll know that love that surpasses all understanding.
(((Dan and Cindy)))
Posts: 5948 | Registered: Jun 2001
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posted
That was very beautiful. I couldn't help but feel excited, nervous, and amazed right along with you. Congratulations on this big event. Posts: 1635 | Registered: Aug 2002
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posted
Dan, that post demonstrated beautifully the power and magic of words. It was a pleasure to read, and has made me start my day on a lovely mix of thoughtfullness, hope and happiness.
From what I've seen of you here, I have no doubt that you will be an awesome father.
Thanks for sharing with us.
Posts: 4393 | Registered: Aug 2003
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Those are beautiful words. I have tears welling up in my eyes as I type this. Don't ever have any doubts that you deserve to be called 'Father', 'Daddy', or 'Dad'. Nor doubt that Cindy doesn't deserve to be called 'Mother', 'Mommy', or 'Mom'. You two prove every single day that you are beyond worthy. Such a lucky family -- a pretty magical word in itself.
posted
Dan, I don't have the words to let you know how moved I was by your post.
I've been following your adoption journey very carefully, both because I'm interested and happy for you and because Andrew and I hope to make the same journey ourselves. I like to think of you paving the way for us and I couldn't have hand-picked anyone better.
Posts: 3037 | Registered: Jan 2002
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posted
Dan, I too believe in the magic of words, and you have spun quite the spell. You and Cindy will be fabulous parents, and I wish you all the joy in the world as you travel to meet your new family.
Posts: 9866 | Registered: Apr 2002
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posted
More often than not, your posts make me laugh. You're so good at inserting humor into tense situations. It's nice to see the serious, sensitive side of you as well. I'm so excited for you and your wife, and I'm extra-happy that you're adopting from Russia which has a very special place in my heart.
Congratulations on your post count, on the joy in your life thus far and that which is to come. You're going to be a great father, and I for one, can't wait to see pictures. Posts: 1090 | Registered: Oct 2003
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posted
Dan, congragulations! It is a special moment when you think or say those words, but wait until you hear them spoken by your new children for the first time....now that's magic (or so I hear )
Mrs.M, you do realize that childern need shoes too, right? You'll be in heaven!
Last night Cindy ran to a few doctors appointments while I arranged for a friend to drive us to the airport and pick us up for our first trip.
Cindy also ran to the bank near her work to get the hopefully last document notarized. I ran to our agency to get an identical document, but with my signature, notarized there. Three days ago we had done this together, but the notary used her middle initial instead of her whole middle name, and the state rejected it.
This morning, before work, I ran to the state office and dropped off all the papers to be apostilled (to have the state confirm the Notaries are good). They called already. Cindy will pick them up tonight on her way to meet me for dinner.
Thanks for all your good words. I really appreciate them. As we are getting into crunch time, and so many of you have shown an interest, I will try to update this daily.
Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002
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Being childless, my wife and I once considered adopting Russian kids, but we chickened out. I look forward to seeing how things work out for your family.
The almost final form is being faxed off to Russia. Next week we go to our doctor and get an new physical (the one 4 months ago is too old) and then get a notarized, apostilled note from the doctors saying we are healthy.
But that is next week.
We have enough to do this week.
I didn't post this weekend because I was too busy getting our house ready, doing taxes, and generally, going crazy.
Cindy does have one correction that I promised to put on this page. When I described the romantic engagement scene above, I left out one small part.
I proposed. She stared at me and just as she was about to shake her head yes and kiss me....
My father yelled down from the house, "What are you two doing down there. Its getting late!"
Spent last night getting pictures of the last few relatives that we need. We are putting a book together of pictures of friends and family for the kids to keep while we are away. They can look and try to figure out who all these strangers are.
Started packing. There is a 45lb weight limit on baggage on Russian airlines. That doesn't leave a lot of room for coats and toys.
Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002
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Having big open house at my office today, so no time to write.
Since I have the most clients coming, my boss walks into my office last night and says, "Congratz, you won our secret contest. You get 2 tickets to tomorrow nights Cardinals game."
Great, except I have a dozen things I'm doing tonight. I had to turn them down.
One final thought--less than 10 days, OMG!!!
Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002
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posted
Even in the madness of preparation, try to enjoy yourself as much as possible. Remember, all that you're going through is because you want these children so much. It'll make a great war story someday. Posts: 26071 | Registered: Oct 2003
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Much has happened since I've had time to update this.
We spent the weekend packing, shuffling stuff, and repacking.
I set up a Yahoo Group for our trip, DadCat This will be a centralize location where we can dump pictures and give updates.
If you want to join the group, and have a Yahoo ID, just sign up. I have asked to authorize joiner to keep the spammers out. If you don't have a Yahoo ID, get one and join. Its free and easy and opens up a lot of games you can go play.
I will send pictures for everyone to see once I get back and have some time.
Speaking of pictures, we are making picture books for the kids that have pictures of everyone in our family (Grandparents, uncles, pets, etc). That is how I spent most of Sunday, and I still have more to do.
Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002
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I left work yesterday and ran with my wife straight to the doctors.
Russia has a requirement that you must pass a physical before they allow you to adopt. We passed back in October. However, they say the physical must be no more than 3 months old. We need it for this trip, and for the followup trip in two months.
The answer, get it done close to your first trip.
So we rushed to the doctor. Then his assistant came to us and drew blood for the tests the Russians demand. Then the doctor talked to us and decided he wanted more blood tests done, just to be safe. So Mr. Assistant came back and drew even more blood.
And my veins were not in the mood. He poked and prodded and basically left me sore. Worse, he covered up my wounds with a very good quality band-aid. It took off about a pound of hair when I removed it later.
Now for the difficult part. The blood tests need to be completed, then the forms signed and notarized, then I have to rush the forms down to the state office where they have to be verified, all before our plane leaves at 9:45am on Friday.
It is the last nerve wracking thing left before our trip.
It will be ok. It has to be.
Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002
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Cindy hit the nail right on the head. Everybody asks us how we feel, or are we excited.
My answer has usually been, "Duh."
But Cindy explained it better.
Think back to your best christmas ever. Think about the night before. Remember how hard it was to sleep, or eat, or move because you knew there were great presents just sitting there underneath the Christmas tree. In shiny boxes that you were not allowed to touch or shake, was something that you had wanted so bad that it hurt.
And the following morning you would be allowed to open those boxes play with that thing for ever.
Yet that was tomorrow. On Christmas Eve, all you could do is watch the box and the clock.
That is how we each feel.
Except inside the boxes are not some silly toy, but two children that will be ours. Can there be a better gift?
Except that our Christmas Eve still has days to go before it ends.
Except that, next week, after we've seen our present and held them and made them our own, we have to put them away for a month or two or three.
Yes, Cindy. You got it right. That is exactly how we feel.
Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002
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