posted
Dag, that is a short but potent landmark. Reminds me of "A River Runs Through It" when the Dad wants them to write the essay in "half of that".
I've often wondered that about the speed limit signs as well. I think it's when you actually pass the sign, since it's pretty hard to determine when folks should be able to see the sign.
Posts: 11017 | Registered: Apr 2003
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(short and powerful is also a description that could be used for my mother, but she was not a hitter.)
Oh, and its not thanks for keeping it short. Its thanks for sharing.
The bad news, I've seen the same mentallity during political discusions--Why do you say that. Its True. But what if... That's Dumb. Your Dumb. You are an @#$@#$@#$ for even thinking that.
The good news, I've seen very little of that mentality in our political discusions here at Hatrack, and those times it was from Trolls who left.
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Wow, I guess you could say that curiosity was not encouraged in your upbringing? I am glad that you did not let that stop you from asking questions and becoming a strong person.
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Wow. Is this something your mom learned from her parents? It just seems so counter-intuitive as a way to raise children.
I mean, even if one believes in corporal punishment for children, I would assume that one would use it when the lesson would be most clear and there weren't other more effective methods of teaching that same lesson.
(I'm not advocating this view, by the way)
This just seems bizarre and capricious.
Glad you are here, Dagonee. You've added a lot to this community in the time you've been here and even when we are in the middle of an argument I find your posts at least interesting and thought-provoking.
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Good, Dag. But be ready for the cycles: this place shifts from serious to fluff (and then back again) like a slow but inexorable tide. Don't ditch us when we get goofy, just ride it. Or start up something serious yourself.
Posts: 14017 | Registered: May 2000
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Great post Dag, thank you for sharing!! (((Dagonee)))
I've enjoyed your presence here on Hatrack quite a lot since you've started posting regularly. I really appreciate your ability to articulate your beliefs in a non-threatening way.
So now I have a question for you! Where do you get your unique screen name?
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Thanks for posting this, Dag. I think the first post of yours I remember specifically was one in which you wanted NOT to be confused with someone with a similar screen name.
If that was a typical exchange - with or without the slap - it's amazing your inquisitiveness survived. I'm not sure mine would have.
Thanks for the post - I hope the brief went half as well. Posts: 4344 | Registered: Mar 2003
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I remember Dagonee first when he chimed in on a discussion of the priesthood in the LDS church and women. He was so sensitive I thought he was a girl for a long time. (sorry Dag)
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Dag, I'm very glad you're here. I like your posts; you present your arguments calmly, logically, and stubbornly. Plus, we often agree. *grin* Please stay at Hatrack for always.
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You know, when I read what you said about your mother's father being alcoholic and abusive, I had to think about my mom. Her father was abusive as well, and it caused her a lot of pain in her childhood. It's amazing how differently people can react to similar stimulus; I don't remember her raising her hand to me in anger once in my childhood... I wish it could have been the same for you.
Thanks for being here and thanks for the wonderfully succinct landmark post. (((Dag)))
Posts: 4816 | Registered: Apr 2003
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Um...sorry, I wasn't trying to make light of your situation growing up, Dag.
Mack...I guess I was being weird. I know this kind of thing happens way too often and it really depresses me. I know a lot of people whose parents are just like this. I just don't get it. And I realize you see it ALL THE TIME. I really don't know how you handle it.
I, on the other hand, get depressed just thinking about it, and I thought I'd respond to you in a light-hearted tone that just didn't really work and was probably inappropriate given that we are generally trying to express our sympathy and empathy for Dagonee here.
Again, sorry about that.
It was just in the way Mack said that. It was like you assumed I didn't think it was a common thing. And I unfortunately DO think it is common. It just struck me funny the way Mack said it.
Arrggghhh... Sorry.
And even without the physical abuse (as Dag said, she never really did any permanent damage -- nice), the mental abuse aspect of this behavior on her part is inexcusable.
Dagonee, I think it's really great that you have joined this community and I hope that your own experiences raising children (if/when) are better than your mom's.
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And I guess I should've related this to your own experience.
Man, I get upset because my mom was disappointed when I chose not to go to med school. I really was kind of unaware and unappreciative of how good I had it.
I was talking to a friend this weekend whose mother was schizophrenic. Her childhood was a nightmare. Worse, her mother followed her to Florida (i.e., moved as soon as she did) and basically became a fixture in her adult life too. Refused treatment her entire life.
I have another friend whose father used to throw things at them. Hard things!!! And aim to kill or at least maim.
I used to think I was afraid of my father. But basically, that was little kid fear like "ooh, I'll get spanked." Not "ooh, he might be 'crazy dad' today and toss me around the room for 15 minutes."
I think some people don't deserve children.
I wish the government was better at figuring out which parents aren't fit and doing something about it.
Or, better still, I wish that people grew up in extended families so that they might have at least one relative who treats them right and serves as a buffer/refuge from the crazies.
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Must have been the thoughtful, sincere, sensitivity here too. Or maybe it was just that the name ends with a double "e".
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I second or quadruple or whatever the number is that you are indeed a real swell guy, Dags. I count you among the small number of people that I *enjoy* having discussions with on this forum when the subject is in disagreement.
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Storm, I gotta say that our discussion about community standards and whether to give special status to religious expression in the French headscarve thread was one of my favorite. Not because we ended up agreeing, but because we ended up understanding each other's side.
quote:I’ve actually worried about this. Is awareness of the bad parenting example enough to avoid falling into it when I become a parent.
This is an excellent question, Dagonee. My best answer is that under normal circumstances, yes awareness is enough.
But you WILL have to watch yourself when you are under stress. We humans have a tendency to revert to early learned behavior patterns under stress. Well, actually all animals do.
I believe that the stress reaction is where all the baggage of childhood shows its ugly side. It's not enough to be aware when things are calm. You have to have new automatic responses to the things that bug the living cr@p out of you.
IMHO.
I'm not a clinician, so don't put any stock in this. I think it's true, but it may not be.
My preference, though, is to learn to be someone else other than the the sum total of the worst mistakes of our parents. You really can work at it and take a step back when you are stressed and examine the possible ways you might respond.
posted
My first thought about the name was that Dagonee was Da Agony, and I was going to make some horrible pun linked to the Wide Wide World of Sports ("...and the agony of defeat.").
My second thought was that it was Annie's alter ego, to give her an outlet to criticize people's arguments. Because Annie sounds like Dagonee. Then I realized that Annie would have to be seriously schizo to do that. Kinda like Bob in that last post, where he signs his post with his two personalities that have the same name.
quote:I don't think you have too much to worry about.
quote:Kinda like Bob in that last post, where he signs his post with his two personalities that have the same name.
Ooops.
I was feeling sort of "splintered" yesterday. I sent an e-mail to a client saying that "we" should both go to an upcoming conference (in Hawaii). The sentence was clearly referring to myself. Twice.
I had to write her back and explain that while I am large, she wouldn't have to pay for two plane tickets or any "extra person" charges at the hotel.
My mom also grew up with an alcohol-abusing parent, and even though she did believe in corporal punishment (wooden spoon--eek!), she cried every time she felt she had to use it. The crying was worse than the swatting. Worse still, *discussing* what I had done wrong. Oh Lord, save me from the questioning and the 'what you would have done better?'. Gah. Even so, I know that I am very very lucky.
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Dag, that is a short but potent landmark. Reminds me of "A River Runs Through It" when the Dad wants them to write the essay in "half of that".![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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This isn't a BAD thing Dag. We promise. ![[Frown]](frown.gif)
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