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I don’t know who archives these, but I’d appreciate it if you’d make sure this gets saved for future generations of Hatrackers.
I want to start off by asking a question. Have any of you here ever felt like you don’t fit in. I’ve felt that way most of my life. I certainly didn’t fit in when I was in high school. I wasn’t a jock, a stoner, or an aggie. I wasn’t a preppy or a head banger. I just drifted through high school never fitting in anywhere. Most of my life, I’ve felt like a sailboat with no wind to push it, drifting aimlessly on the sea of life.
Then, I found Hatrack. I didn’t register when I first discovered Hatrack. I was afraid I wouldn’t fit in, so I lurked. I read all the posts and got to know the personalities of the people who dwell on the banks of the Hatrack River. One day I got up the nerve to register. My first post was in the newbie thread on the “other side” of Hatrack River. The discussions about OSC forum. The first person to welcome me was rivka. Thank you.
I’m not sure how much I’ve contributed to Hatrack. I don’t post in the serious issue threads for fear of offending someone or getting ripped to shreds for my beliefs. While Hatrack is the only place I’ve felt like I might fit in, I sometimes wonder how many people here would miss me if I ever left Hatrack. Would Hatrack continue on it’s merry way without me?
I don’t know how I came to feel that I didn’t fit in anywhere. Maybe it all started when my father left home. It’s entirely possible that I have abandonment issues. My father moved out when I was three. I didn’t see much of him. The last time I saw him, I was ten years old, I think.
I realize that most people wait for their 500th or 100th post before writing one of these, but I’ve been in a really reflective mood lately. I just hope that by posting this, I can contribute something meaningful to Hatrack.
The first event that got me in a reflective mood was Raia announcing in the hug thread that her grandfather had just been diagnosed with cancer. It got me thinking about my own grandfather who died of lung cancer and emphysema. Then Katharina posted the story about her mother’s death. That got me thinking about my mother who is currently undergoing chemotherapy after having a mastectomy.
That got me thinking about what I’d do if she died. I’d be lost without her. She’s doing well and is considering returning to work soon, but you never know if the cancer will return. I’m scared.
I really do wonder if Hatrack would notice if I left. I won’t leave, though, because this is the only place where I feel like I belong. I still wonder how much I’ve actually contributed to Hatrack.
Posts: 4569 | Registered: Dec 2003
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I know you've been dealing with some rough stuff lately, Derrell. (((((Derrell))))) I'm glad your mom is doing better.
Yeah, it must be scary, knowing the cancer could come back. But honestly, none of us know when our time will come. We can only do our best to live good lives until them. Sounds like both you and your mom and doing well on that score.
I would miss you if you left Hatrack!
And I think many Jatraqueros -- me included -- have experienced the never-fitting-in scenario.
Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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Well, as someone who has always felt a little different than the average jatraquero, I think you fit in more than I do, for whatever that is worth. But you know what? Who cares if I, or you, fit in or not? I will continue to read or post here for as long as I feel like it, the site shuts down, or something like that. Hopefully everyone else here feels the same way. It is usually comfortable to fit in, but often you learn more from the person who is unlike you. I leave you with the following maxim I read somewhere.
Doing what everyone else does to fit in is lazy. Doing what no one else does to be different is just lame.Posts: 1364 | Registered: Feb 2003
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You will notice that the Judgemental Quotent for this community is extremely low. We don't judge people by anything other than the respect they give to others. You fit in very well.
Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002
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You did? Rats. I could've met my second Hatracker. Then I would be a real boy. For those who are new, you're not considered real until you've met at least 2 Hatrackers.
PSI, what area do you live in?
Posts: 4569 | Registered: Dec 2003
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Tucson, cool. I have a cousin who graduated from The U of A with a degree in aerospace engineering. The next time you're up here, we should have lunch or something. It would be so cool to meet another Hatracker. Then I would be a real boy. Posts: 4569 | Registered: Dec 2003
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Thank you for showing some restraint. There are at least 2 other hatrackers in the Phoenix area. Architraz Warden just moved here from Tucson. Shigosei is going to ASU. I think there are others, but I can't think of their names at the moment. My memory must be failing. Posts: 4569 | Registered: Dec 2003
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Yeah I know. I tried to make Feyd have a get-together while I was there but I'll assume he's really, REALLY busy.
It just occured to me that I've been spelling Derrell's name wrong in this whole thread. In order to not have my moronicity archived forever I need to go back and fix it.
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I wonder if we could do it on a Saturday? He and I had lunch when he came up here for job interviews. We ate at a Mexican food place not far from my house. If Feyd won't come, maybe we could get Shigosei interested. If not, I'd still like to meet you.
Posts: 4569 | Registered: Dec 2003
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If you left we'd all be wondering who is the object of your soul mate declaration. Now that we know it isn't Dana.
Posts: 11017 | Registered: Apr 2003
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Do I have to keep bumping this? I don't want a land mark thread that only has 28 replies to it. Posts: 4569 | Registered: Dec 2003
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Derrell, I am way to new to say I know you, but I appreciate the sentiments from you here that I have seen. You seem to be a very thoughtful person. Glad you have found your way to this wonderful place where you feel you belong.
I'm glad I'm not the only weird person here. The preceeding sentence was inspired by Jenny Gerdener's landmark post about being weird. Jenny, thank you for making me feel better about being weird.
When I wrote the first post in this thread, I was feeling pretty down. I feel better now. besides, I have my friend Harvey the giant invisible rabbit.
Posts: 4569 | Registered: Dec 2003
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Hey Derrell! We must be long-lost sibs or something. Ain't this a great day to post a landmark thread?
I didn't know anyone else was planning on posting landmark threads today. I almost stopped when I saw yours, but then I knew that if I didn't post it right at that moment, I'd be too chicken to do it.
You are welcome at Hatrack, whether as a lurker or a poster. Either way, you are an important part of the community.
Posts: 3141 | Registered: Apr 2000
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Hi Jenny. I'm glad you posted your landmark. As I read it, I wondered if we were related. I too have an extremely vivid imagination. I was moved by your story. I to you.
Posts: 4569 | Registered: Dec 2003
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Darn nice to meet you, Derrell And hope to hear more about you on your #1000 post (or whenever you wish to tell us more).
Posts: 4519 | Registered: Sep 2003
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Corwin, it's nice to meet you too. I'll definitely reveal more about myself in my next landmark. I don't know if I'll wait until I reach my 1000th post. I was prompted to write this one by the events I mentioned in that first post. I've just been in a really reflective mood lately.
Posts: 4569 | Registered: Dec 2003
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Yeah, well, I may follow your example and write my own landmark post before I reach 1000. On my ***th post After all, incertitude is what's making life interesting, isn't it ?
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Nice picture, Corwin. Don't wait for your 1000th post if you don't want to. I for one will read your landmark with interest.
Posts: 4569 | Registered: Dec 2003
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So, you were able to see that picture ? I can go to see it by writing the adress, but when clicking on the link I provided I got an error message. So I removed it... It's back again, don't worry By the way, feel free to explore and look at the other pictures too. They're my little brother's.
Posts: 4519 | Registered: Sep 2003
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I don't think landmarks should be limited to thread count. Something major happens in your life, or something causes you to embark on a self-searching journey, that's cause for commemmoration.
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But honestly, none of us know when our time will come. We can only do our best to live good lives until them. Sounds like both you and your mom and doing well on that score. ![[Wink]](wink.gif)
j/k
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to you.
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