posted
I noticed this coming around 1950 and wondered if I should resurface the last post thread and run past 2000 like I tried to do with 1000. Feyd caught me that time. I still have not forgiven him. Maybe no one would notice this time.
Ha.
With post counts on prominent display, that seems pretty much impossible. And wouldn’t you know it, again Feyd is watching. Again, I won’t get to slip by.
Around 1970, I started to think up a landmark post. I couldn’t do it at 1000. I still can’t. I’m sorry, but I find my fingers unwilling to type out my life’s story for the whole world to read. I’ll tell you this much, you’re missing nothing. Some laughs, some tears, a general upward trend. There isn’t any grand story to tell.
Well, not from me.
I did ask T_Smith to write me a story one evening when he was bored. He wrote out a life story for celia60 with only a few questions to me. Allow me to use this landmark post to showcase what he came up with:
quote: The origins of Celia60 Evil? mistress of Hatrack
Authors Note: To fully explain the origins of celia, one must understand something. Unfortunately, I don’t know what that something is, so you won’t get the full explanation. Instead, let me offer you “The origins of Celia” light, the healthy version of her story.
************ The following story is entirely a work of fiction. Unless otherwise noted. All references to someone/something actually alive or in existence in this story are entirely a coincidence. Actually, most references in this story ARE meant. Unless I have no clue what I’m talking about. In which case, you should laugh at it. Unless it’s not funny.
No Hatrack celebrities have endorsed this story unless mentioned otherwise in the credits. In fact, most Hatrack celebrities are unaware of this, cause if they were, they would rise up against me and kill me. In return, I do not endorse the Hatrack celebrities with this story, except for Hobbes.
Warning: May cause unwanted pregnancy. At the same time, it may cause WANTED pregnancy. How should I know? Caution: Not for the weak of brains. ***************
The rags to riches story of celia, is a heartwarming epic adventure of lust, greed, and triumph over good.
It began in Utah, hidden birthplace of celia, in the year 1960. Yes, it’s hard to believe she is only 43. Celia was born to a pair of excommunicated Mormons and for 3 years, grew up in Provo where she met life long friends.
Patrick: Yes, I remember first meeting celia. Gosh, seems like forever and an age ago. We were both kids at the time, and I was riding my bike. She waltzed over to me, pushed me off, and told me that I will never have any real friends and that they would always be imaginary. Gosh, what a woman.
Patrick went on to have 34 different screen names.
Head Ditch Digger: Yeah, celia always had this thing for Patrick. Until she moved away for Oregon, they would run around setting people on fire.
At age of 3, toddler celia moved to Oregon, in search of a meaning in her life. What she found was Toni.
Toni: We were just kids, but already I knew this babe was going places. Guys liked her. Guys feared her. She could flame with the best of them. I decided to follow her lead with most things.
But all was not well. After 2 years, something life changing happened to both Toni and celia, forever changing their destinies.
Slash: Go away. I don’t want to talk about this.
What Slash didn’t want to talk about was the day celia and Toni walked in on him getting a spanking.
Toni: Right away we realized it was destiny for the both of us. The sight of seeing Slash merciless was an enthralling idea. Pretty soon, celia would walk around spanking boys, and I would be right behind her. ::chuckles:: We created the name Rita to strike fear into boys hearts. It lasted until up around Jr. High.
At the age of 13, things began to change celia, shaping her into the woman she would become. That change was moving to the East Coast. Life was good for celia in the East Coast, but she grew lonely, and poor, and a new sister came into her life, automatically starting off at age 7.
ApostleRadio: She came here when I was about 6 and would baby-sit me a lot. I don’t know if she really even wanted to. Anyway, she would come over and watch me whenever my parents went away; one time she had this guy come over. I don’t remember it that much, but I’m pretty sure this was the day celia completely changed her life.
Feyd Baron: Ya, I was there. She had to baby sit this paranoid little kid and was bored so she invited me over. I don’t live on the East Coast, I lived in Oregon with her and Toni. I was just visiting some family at the time, and my family is kind of boring, so I agreed and went over. BIG mistake. Now, celia can give spankings but she’s no Ralphie, and she’s spicy as well. One bite, and you need a whole lot of water.
ApostleRadio: I remember sitting there and watching Celia and Feyd play a game, until celia stood up and said “I am Northwest Smith!!” Well, that upset Feyd, seeing as how she’s a girl and NWS is a guy. Feyd claimed that girls can’t play guys and that she was ruining the fun. Celia demanded to know why girls couldn’t be heroic guys.
Feyd: So naturally I responded with the most obvious. “Well for starters, you don’t look like a guy.” She wanted to know more about that so I blurted out “You have boobs!”
ApostleRadio: Now that was a pretty funny face that celia had on, because she never really took note to her own feminine looks. So, celia tripped Feyd and Feyd ran out of the house. A ticked off celia is not a good thing to be around.
Feyd: I ran home but I saw her the next day. We both kind of starred at each other for a second or two. I suddenly realized I had a crush on her. And I think she realized she had a crush on me. That, or she had some sort of mental illness. So we held hands and had our first kiss. Well, at least it was my first kiss. Well, at least that’s what I’ll tell people. But I moved back and only saw her two more times.
ApostleRadio: What Feyd said to her about her looks stuck with celia. And personally, I believe that was when she knew she wanted to study breasts all day in a lab.
But life would only get more strange for celia. On her 16th birthday, celia went to a comic convention at the advice of her friend Geoff Card.
Geoff Card: I had known celia for about a year, and I thought she was cool enough for a comic convention, and that it would be a good place for a first date. So I went dressed up as my favorite hero: The Hulk. And it was a good choice for a date: huge rippling muscles, a big smile, dark silky hair, no shirt, ripped pants. Where could I go wrong? I’ll tell you where: it was that John guy.
Leto: So I was walking around the convention, just doing the normal things we do at these. I decided to go dressed up as a Jedi. Ya, I know they aren’t in comics, but Jedi are just plain cool, and I know how to work a light saber. Before celia came up, I was arguing with this guy dressed up as Thor, saying that Thor wasn’t a super hero, he was a Nordic God, and that he had no real power. Thor decided to show me his power and I went toppling over the stand right were celia was sitting with some geek dressed up as The Hulk. So, I challenged Thor to a battle of Arm Wrestling. I think celia might have been impressed, cause after I beat Thor, she came over and started talking to me. And hey, 16 year old girls who talk to people dressed up as Jedi’s have to have some spark of coolness in them. So me and Jebus (my friend) were just talking to her and hanging out. Jebus invited her to come over to Ireland and visit him. Well… she did.
Jebus: I didn’t think she would actually come over, but she said something about how her parents had bought a hot tub. I’m still a little lost on that one. In any case, one day I found her knocking on my door. She stayed for about 3 months. Nothing ever really happened between us, so don’t go thinking that it did. Anyway, it was tons of fun, and I got to know her. We have a few inside jokes that no one else will get. Especially 18 year old Mormon boys from Utah with lopsided ears.
Around this time, celia went back to Utah, to find where life began. She looked for old friends, but found Jon Boy.
Jon Boy: Celia has this aura about her that you can not ignore. The kind of aura that makes you bend to her will and do whatever she asks you. Which is why I became her minion.
Celia: I just want to declare my undying love for Jon Boy.
T_Smith: I met celia while she was trying to over run Utah with evil. I told her that she wasn’t evil at all and that it was all for show. Celia’s got this obsession with lying to people, telling them that she’s evil. But she had connections to the mafia, which I just couldn’t ignore. Celia offered me a few tips, which I took, and though I never became her minion, I consider her to be really close to me. I told her that she was a good person, to break connections with the Mormon mafia. She wouldn’t listen, but she still had that Jon Boy with her.
Jon Boy: You see I’m not the best person for an evil minionship. Even though she loved me, she couldn’t appreciate the things I could do for her, and the things I couldn’t. I tried to rob a store, but I’m clumsy and got caught. She bailed me out, but immediately disclaimed me. I still followed her around, though. Then one day, she went and found this guy named Pat.
Pat: I never thought I’d see her again. It had been so long. Heck, she even had a minion with her. We talked for a long time about life, the universe, and everything, and she had changed. She wasn’t the sweet little girl I ran around setting people on fire with. She wasn’t the innocent girl I had once known, but I still loved her. She said nothing to me of a relationship, but she did give me her minion. I’ve made good use of him, since. I told celia to get out of Utah, gave her my reasons, and she listened.
Jon Boy: Celia then cut all connections to Utah from her life. As far as anyone else was concerned, she was born in Indiana, which I hear is where she is living now.
Celia went to Purdue University, and got a job taking pictures of breasts. Recently, she had a meeting with a future Purdue University member.
Hobbes: Celia invited my mother and myself to lunch. She introduced me to the campus, and told a few stories that scared my mom. I don’t think my mom liked the idea of me having celia as a friend, especially after what she did to a few guys at work. Celia was a nice person.
Let me be the first to say that it's great to have you around, celia. I know you may think that I'm a pretty disappointing minion, but I appreciate your patience with me.
*raises glass*
Here's to two thousand more!
Posts: 9945 | Registered: Sep 2002
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Dang it! Another unwanted pregnancy from T? Really, boy, you've really got to stop doing these things.
I mean, um, congrats Celia. You've led an . . . interesting life, and I'm proud to have you as a fellow suicidal literary heroine whose name ends in "elia."
Jon, thanks. i will have to find more uses for you
Thanks for reading, Nick.
Mack, i fully expect you to write my 3000th
Kama, yeah, isn't that t_smith great at brightening up your day?
sarah, *giggles back*
rivka, i get the feeling that i only get a small fraction of this
Ophelia, yay! may the *elia's some day rule the earth!
fugu, what can i say? i wasn't in charge of casting.
Ryuko, i have not forgotten your name.
feyd, i already cower at the thought of you.
Annie, i still love that picture!
Hobbes, right back at you.
EG, that makes 2 of us!
:Locke, thanks. marla may be my next incarnation and that will be all because of you.
flish, um, yeah.
jeff, why do i get the feeling it is us who have been played? don't let the door hit you on the way out. let me do it instead.
Posts: 3956 | Registered: Jun 2001
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Celia, if you turn into Marla Singer, then we'll both be characters played by Helena Bonham Carter. Rock! Posts: 3801 | Registered: Jan 2000
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Oh, that was awesome! Just brought a smile right to my face. I think it's very landmark-worthy.
Posts: 1261 | Registered: Jun 2002
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So, T, did you realize that you just put Ralphie's age at no less than 40?
celia, very clever of you to get T to write such a long story about you with no mention of me. But you're not fooling anyone.
Posts: 4534 | Registered: Jan 2003
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Saxon, I did know of the age thing, however I wanted to throw in the inside joke of a couple of crazy weird people who think she's 43. She is NOT 43, people.
Posts: 9754 | Registered: Jul 2002
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I remember celia once said that her age was the same as my number of usernames, which at the time was twenty-three. Now I have . . . um . . . several more than that (twenty-seven, maybe?), so I can only assume that celia is now twenty-seven. I'm wondering how she ages so quickly but still retains her youthful Mona Lisa–esque looks.
Posts: 9945 | Registered: Sep 2002
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celia, in your quest for all things Bonham-Carter...I'll be Olivia from Twelfth Night if Strider can be Sebastian! Posts: 3516 | Registered: Sep 2002
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Jon, you have no idea how badly I needed that laugh. Thank you.
Leo, sounds like a plan, but then we both need new accounts. Why don't you try to find a suicidal elia to be Posts: 3956 | Registered: Jun 2001
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She introduced me to the campus, and told a few stories that scared my mom. I don’t think my mom liked the idea of me having celia as a friend, especially after what she did to a few guys at work. Celia was a nice person. 
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should I email this to Pat? I want to. I really want to!![[ROFL]](graemlins/rofl.gif)
