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Back in this thread, I extrapolated that my first landmark post would occur on January 17, 2004. I seem to have miscalculated a bit. I’m not sure what that says about me, other than that I seem to have a lot of time on my hands. Time enough, even, to ponder what I should write about in this, my 1000th post.
I guess you could say I had a rough childhood. At least, I thought so at the time. For most of my life I was pretty small and easy to pick on, so people did. Not that I can completely blame them; for most of my life I was also a jerk. I was that mouthy little kid who thought he was smarter than pretty much everybody else and was completely arrogant about it. The thing is, I didn’t even realize what a little snot I was until a lot later. I just wondered why I had so few friends and why I got beat up so much at school.
It’s tough to maintain a good self-image when you’re getting picked on every day, so, as you might imagine, I had a lot of problems with depression. For about 4 years in middle school and early high school I was very depressed. I thought of myself as the lowest of the low, totally worthless. I grew my hair long, wore dark clothes all the time, wrote depressing poetry and listened to dark music. For a while I even contemplated suicide.
What changed things for me? A combination of events, I think. In my freshman year of high school one of the biology teachers (who was also the guy who ran the chess club) pulled me aside and said he wanted me to participate in this program called the Desert Trip. Basically, the Desert Trip is what it sounds like: a group of students go to the desert for a week. Ostensibly, the trip is about learning about the geology and biology of the desert as well as learning about jobs in the park service, and you do learn that stuff, but it’s more than that. It’s about learning to love and accept both yourself and your fellow humans. To a lot of people it probably sounds like a lot of hippie crap, but it was a defining moment for me. And not just me; I met my best friend in high school on my sophomore year Desert Trip, and he started out even more screwed up than me. I remember him on the first night after the evening program, which involved a lot of introductions, hugs, and good feelings. He was sitting, hunched over, on a picnic table. As I approached him I could see that his face was all screwed up and he was having trouble breathing. That’s what it feels like to let people in, sometimes. It hurts. That night was like watching someone being born. It was incredible.
My sophomore year is also when I got involved with theater for the first time. My motives were not perfect; I was trying to impress a girl. It didn’t really work, but the theater bug stuck. I think that, more than anything else, theater really helped me become more outgoing and build friendships. In fact, I met my wife in our high school production of Little Shop of Horrors.
And that’d be the third part of what helped me become who I am today: my wife. We started dating almost 7 years ago, and my friends all immediately noticed the change in my mood. I didn’t really expect it to last—I was a senior and was going off to college in less than a year—but, to my surprise and delight, it did. We spent almost my entire freshman year of college apart, during which time I was apparently insufferably grouchy, as well as for a semester during my senior year when she was studying in London, but we managed to make it through. Everyone tells me that she brings out the best in me, and I agree.
I guess that’s me in a nutshell. I haven’t mentioned my family or very many of my friends, but this has gotten pretty long as it is. If you’ve made it this far, congratulations and thank you! You folks really brighten my days, and I’m really happy to be a part of this community. And if I start being arrogant or curmudgeonly again, I’m sure I can count on you to put me back in my place.
Oh yeah, and, just in case there was still any doubt, my forum is not real. But it sure was fun!
Posts: 4534 | Registered: Jan 2003
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Well, I certainly fell for your little joke. I tried to post about 100 times, you sneaky devil. Congrats on 1000. Posts: 1855 | Registered: Mar 2003
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Well, I find it reassuring that everyone seems to have those pivotol moments where they decide they ARE worth something and shake the mildew off -
Posts: 5609 | Registered: Jan 2003
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saxon75, I first saw you posting in the "story game" thead, and I have thought you were a cool person (and funny) ever since. Congratulations on 1000 posts, I can't believe you achieved it that quickly. Where does the time go?
quote: The thing is, I didn’t even realize what a little snot I was until a lot later. I just wondered why I had so few friends and why I got beat up so much at school.
Classic me in school.
Anyway, you're a cool person , and you're not a wet blanket . I just hope my girlfriend continues to bring out the best in me like your wife does today. You're really lucky. Posts: 4229 | Registered: Dec 2002
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Yay saxon!! Even though you thought I looked like Heidi, I still think you're a cool guy. Maybe someday we'll find out what you really look like. I hope you post at least 2,000 more times. Posts: 4816 | Registered: Apr 2003
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Don't believe this lie! Saxon is actually a clone of the actor who played the cop/dad in Nightmare on Elm Street!
Posts: 5663 | Registered: Jun 2000
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Well, thanks to you, Saxon, I seem to have one more Hatrack nemesis. Keep up the good work. And watch your back, 'cause one of these days I'm taking you down.
Posts: 9945 | Registered: Sep 2002
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, and you're not a wet blanket 
