11000 and still behind Tom. I don’t know how this could be. I mean, the guy only posts in meaningful threads and almost never more than twice in the same thread. Could there be THAT much non-fluff content at Hatrack?
If so, I’m missing it.
On purpose.
But this is MY 11000 post landmark thread. I would like to use it to provide you all with a BOB FAQ. Here you can get the answers to questions that I think are frequently asked even if that's not true. Also you may never find the answer to the question you have. But if you’d like, you can post a candidate for the FAQ down below and I’ll see what I can do about answering it.
FAQ 1: Is it true that Bob bought a high-speed cable modem and a network just so he could post more on Hatrack?
A: I acknowledge that the only reason I recently put in a network on my computer is that I wanted to be able to run Hatrack on three separate machines simultaneously.
The cable modem was so I could download copyrighted material fast enough to avoid detection.
FAQ 2: Is it true that Hatrack is actually ruining Bob’s life?
A: I will admit that my addiction has gone well beyond anything that could be labeled “harmless” or a “mere eccentricity.” It is much more akin to OCD, as I understand it. I have built up these bizarre rituals involving twirling 3x, stretching my collar, stomping out the drum beat to “Penny Lane” and then licking the keyboard before I can post.
And yet I still have “achieved” 11,000 posts. As you can well imagine, my keyboard stays very clean.
I consider Hatrack a “displacement activity.” These are activities which convey the person from one point in time to another, using up some energy, of course, but also blocking out the “noise” of other activities. This may sound negative, but it is not. When I was working on my dissertation, I developed numerous displacement activities some of which are the reason I’m prone to abdominal hernias today. Most of those activities are now forbidden to my on doctors’ orders.
Short of the potential for carpal tunnel syndrome, or perhaps using up all my limited supply of good or funny ideas, my Hatrack addiction is relatively harmless. It carries me from one necessary activity to another and fills the void for my incessantly restless fingers and my random thought generator that some laughingly refer to as a mind.
You see. My work occurs in fits and starts. There is often a 30 second window at the end of every 5 minute period that just needs to be filled. And that’s where Hatrack comes in.
Or sometimes, I need to reach a certain person who is away from their desk so I can’t finish something until that person returns. This void is also dedicated to Hatrack.
Or, there are just days like today when I am awake, the rest of the house is quiet (except for this silly bird who thinks it’s time to chirp loudly in my ear) and I don’t wan to disturb anyone by banging around in the kitchen or turning on the TV (aka mind vacuum). So I come to Hatrack and post frivolous things, usually.
FAQ 3: Does Bob have aliases that he uses for his more serious or controversial posts?
Some may wonder why I mostly stay in the fluff threads. Do I have an alias that I use when I want to post a serious opinion? No, I don’t. I have only two aliases, Posable_Man and LavaLamp. They are the ones I use when I feel the need to INCREASE the fluff, not decrease it.
FAQ 4: Is the reason that Bob stays away from serious threads that he simply can’t hold his own in an argument.
A: I have been called “malleable” by some of my closest friends. I try to agree with everyone, which of course is impossible when people are arguing. Normally, I end up finding some “common ground” that we can all agree on then I cling to that like a drowning man with a life preserver. Or a clingy person to the object they are clinging to. Here’s the problem, I think everyone has good points and I tend not to argue with them over the less-good points they make. I have learned that now people are so accustomed to this behavior that if I ever do actually state right-out that I disagree with someone, people are shocked and get very upset. I end up feeling guilty and try to appease them. Then we end up with terrorists in Afghanistan and the whole world goes to Hell in a handbasket.
FAQ 5: Is Bob really that funny in person?
A: No. Bob is really a team of writers replying under this one Hatrack log in. The real Bob is sort of soft-spoken and when he tries to be funny in real life, it often comes off as sarcasm. This has cost him many friendships, but he can’t seem to stop it.
FAQ 6: Is Bob really an obsessed fan of Orson Scott Card?
A: Well, if you mean “are there any restraining orders against him” the answer is no. But if you mean “has OSC had to take his family into the witness protection program in order to get away from Bob on two separate occasions," then the answer is still no. In fact, Bob just finds OSC to be a great author and wishes, just once, that he would post in a thread that Bob starts. But he realizes that now this particular whine has become pathetic and over the top and now OSC will probably never post in a Bob thread because it’s just too creepy to him and he is worried that Bob might be lying about not being an obsessed fan.
Alternate answer: Does stealing his underwear from the garbage can count?
FAQ 7: How does Bob really feel about God?
A: Figure it out for yourself. No. Really. Bob is just not interested in trying to convince people that his view of God is in any way correct. In fact, Bob starts with the notion that we know so little about God as to make us laughable. And Bob is right up there with the best of our televangelists on his lack of knowledge about God. So, if you’d like to send money to keep this ministry afloat, go right ahead, but realize that we’re just going to tell you to figure it out on your own anyway. Or ask dkw because she doesn’t make any outrageous claims.
FAQ 8: How does Bob feel about the Church of Jesus Christ, Latter Day Saints?
A: Bob judges people infrequently and when he does, it’s on an individual basis. As such, it doesn’t matter to him what a person’s religion is unless the religion is a major defining attribute of that person. It seems true that many LDS members have their faith as a defining attribute. And Bob actually admires that. In many ways he is jealous of the truly faithful and hopes that they turn out to have been right all along. Mainly because the alternative seems to be no afterlife and that would sort be a let down after all the plans he’s made. Of course, he's planning to make it into Heaven on a sponsors exemption or maybe get a pass because of the need for a new court jester "up there."
FAQ 9: Why did Bob change from answering in the first person to answering in the 3rd person?
A: He couldn’t decide which sounded better, so in typical Bob fashion, he used both.
Alternate answer: Because one of his other personalities has taken control.
Alternate alternate answer: Mind your own business, you grammar nazi!
FAQ 10: What does Bob think of me?
A: Who are you again? Oh, yeah. You’ve said some funny and insightful things, sometimes at the same time. Bob would love to meet you in a well-controlled setting with many avenues for escape. Then, if that trial meeting goes well, Bob would consider adding you to his list of “accepted” individuals. You don’t get a button or a t-shirt or anything. But you do get the occasional invite to a Central Florida Clump event and, typically, Bob will thereafter recall who you are when you post on Hatrack.
Well, there you have it.
Ask any other questions you might have.
Bob needs the post count.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Bob
I Love it Bob!
As for a question...can we download your dissertation anywhere?
Hobbes Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
FAQ 11: Can we download your dissertation anywhere?
A: Bob has never tried, but there's a place called "Dissertation Abstracts" which sells copies of dissertations. The original electronic files are probably on a disk somewhere in Bob's house, slowly leaking electrons and magnetism to the ether.
FAQ 12: How often must a question be asked before it can be called a "frequently" asked question?
A: Apparently once is good enough.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
What's Bob's favorite computer game? Or should I be asking questions as if you were speaking in the first person?
Hobbes Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Bob, congrats on the 11,000. You are a role model to me in humor,and I probably have picked up a lot of style and grace notes from your hilarious posts. You and other HR comedians taught me unwittingly (on both sides) how to write comedy in a few short days. I have always wanted to. I tried long ago and thought it stunk, so I gave it up for verbal humor.
Several people guessed I was you, and I took it as a proud compliment because of your style and humor.
You cannot know (or maybe you can) the sheer, ecstatic joy it is to me to write anything that someone might laugh at. Thanks so much! Morbo
[ July 05, 2003, 08:47 AM: Message edited by: Morbo ]
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
That wasn't a question.
Hobbes Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Bob, why is Hobbes so annoying, and what does this mean to you personally? Are you in fact "Bob", High Epopt and Living Slack Master of the Church of Bob? Church of Bob (weird radio religion) You certainly fulfill one precept: you see the universe as one vast morbid sense of humor
All praise Bob!!
*throws a softball to Bob*
[ July 05, 2003, 09:05 AM: Message edited by: Morbo ]
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
There you go. Though I think they're supposed to be about Bob...
Hobbes Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Or are you the Anti-Bob?
from Simpsons: Teacher: He's evil! Run, children!
[ July 05, 2003, 08:59 AM: Message edited by: Morbo ]
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
Is there any truth to the rumor that you are Bob Dole's lovechild?
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
If so, who is the mother?
Hobbes
[ July 05, 2003, 08:57 AM: Message edited by: Hobbes ]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
FAQ 13: What's Bob's favorite computer game?
A: Asteroids played on a Z-80 machine, preferably a TRS-80 Model 1. Every time I try to play one of the newer games, I just end up having to reformat my hard drive.
FAQ 14: Or should I be asking questions as if you were speaking in the first person?
A: Whatever floats your boat.
FAQ 15: Bob, why is Hobbes so annoying, and what does this mean to you personally?
A: I find Hobbes to be about as annoying as anyone else I've ever met. In other words, I like him just fine and wish that Calvin and Hobbes were still in the comics page of my local paper. Or any paper for that matter.
FAQ 16: Are you in fact "Bob", High Epopt and Living Slack Master of the Church of Bob?
A: This is not a frequently asked question, but we'll go for it anyway. There is a little bit of Bob in all of us. So, to try to differentiate one "Bob" from all others is just futile.
FAQ 17: Or are you the Anti-Bob?
A: There's an Anti-Bob!!! If Bob and Anti-Bob occupy the same space, the universe would end. Therefor, it is safe to assume that Bob is not also Anti-Bob. Unless the universe has ended and this is what's left.
FAQ 18: Is there any truth to the rumor that you are Bob Dole's lovechild? And if so, who is the mother
A: How much truth would there need to be in order for this to be true? 1%? 10%? Well, I have been known to hold a pen in my weaker hand on occasion. And I wouldn't mind being related to a family that sells canned pineapples for a living. I'm sure that a genetic sample comparison between myself and Bob Dole with come up with a 94% match or greater. Afterall, the human genome is a 94% match to that of chimps, so Bob Dole and I must be at least that related, no?
But Elizabeth (Liddy) Dole has disavowed any knowledge of my existence, despite the fact that she and her Bob know my mentor and have had dinner with him on more than one occasion.
I think the jury's still out on this one.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
When Bob writes his name now, does he sometimes but an underscore between his first and last names? [EDIT: I haven't slept in Bob knows how many hours, should that be names or name? Also, does Bob know how many hours?]
What type of mouse does Bob use?
How do we know your really Bob?
Ohh, and I approve of the computer game!
Hobbes
[ July 05, 2003, 09:37 AM: Message edited by: Hobbes ]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
FAQ 19: When Bob writes his name now, does he sometimes but an underscore between his first and last names?
A:Well, truth be told, Bob has added an underscore between his first and last names on all correspondence. It's just easier that way.
FAQ 20: What type of mouse does Bob use?
A: This is one of our favorite questions. Bob has used the Kensington Expert Mouse (giant Trackball) for several years now. He has three of them and even plugs one into his laptop when he is on the road. Bob has become expert at cleaning debris (including bird seed) out the track ball's rotation sensors to maintain optimal performance.
FAQ 21: How do we know your really Bob?
A: Bob who? No, I see your point. This is an anonymous BB and someone claiming to be Bob might have simply started this screen name and used it despite the fact that she's really a 97-year-old spinster living on canned dogfood in a one room walkup outside of Detroit. Well, you can always tell if a post is genuinely from Bob by certain subtle markers: These are:
1. Bob has a hard time with knowing when to use "its" and "it's" and if he isn't careful he will unknowingly type the wrong one and not catch it before Adding his post.
2. Bob is terrible with fractions. So just ask him a math question involving fractions and if he gets it right, he's probably an imposter.
3. Bob has a tendency leave out words.
Posted by Kama (Member # 3022) on :
Is your wife jealous of your Hatrack life?
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
What college did Bob go to?
What is 147/233 + 21/17?
Does Bob have any questions that he can think of that he wants especially to answer?
On that same topic, how many posts does Bob currently have.
Ohh, and I slipped some extra questions in my last post via. the edit button.
Hobbes Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
FAQ 13:A trash-80!! Boy does that bring back the memories...
*loads ordinary audio cassette in boom box/data input device* *waits forever for lamest possible game to load to TRS-80* *commits inevitable command line error* *repeats again and again and again until you give up with out playing* *throws TRS-80 from a great height*
Thank God for Macs and Windows...and hard discs!
Yes, there is an "Anti-Bob"--never speak his name aloud...
[ July 05, 2003, 09:50 AM: Message edited by: Morbo ]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
FAQ 22: Is your wife jealous of your Hatrack life?
A: I used to not think so, but Hatrack has become a source of discord between us of late. In part this is due to the fact that I have spent over 2 years (going on 3) developing a series of online friendships which she doesn't really understand. But she has met some of my Hatrack friends and has enjoyed them all immensely, so I think the residual antipathy on her part is that she feels I should be with her doing whatever she is doing. Since this includes sometimes wanting me to lie in bed while she catches up on lost sleep that I haven't lost because I can actually sleep at night, I find this particular attitude somewhat frustrating at times.
But, in an effort at conciliation, I have restricted my Hatrack use to normal daytime hours and times when she goes out and I'm not there with her. Or, like now when she is fast asleep and my presence in bed would be more of an irritant than a welcome bout of cuddling.
FAQ 23: What college did Bob go to?
Bob did his undergraduate work at the University of Southern California in Los Angeles where he earned a B.S. in Psychobiology. His Ph.D. is in Experimental Psychology from Columbia University, unless they've finally found a legal way to rescind it.
FAQ 24: What is 147/233 + 21/17?
I had a calculator around here a minute ago. Hang on. I'll get back to you on that.
FAQ 25: Does Bob have any questions that he can think of that he wants especially to answer?
Yes.
FAQ 26: On that same topic, how many posts does Bob currently have.
A: On some level, all posts are Bob's. But if you want his individual post count, you can look at the bottom of this message where the current tally is given, and updated every time this thread is posted to by anyone. When pressed on this issue, Bob usually replies "too many" and leaves it at that.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
quote:FAQ 25: Does Bob have any questions that he can think of that he wants especially to answer?
Yes.
OK, fair enough. What questions does Bob want to be asked?
Does Bob ever shout into a pillow?
Does Bob ever shout into anything?
If Bob was going to change how is name is spelled, how would he spell it?
Does Bob have a converter for European outlets?
And you missed by questions that I put in my previous post via. editing.
Hobbes Posted by Theca (Member # 1629) on :
Could you tell us more specifics about your bird/birds?
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
What makes Bob never turn on his AIM?
Posted by Ayelar (Member # 183) on :
quote:A: I find Hobbes to be about as annoying as anyone else I've ever met. In other words, I like him just fine and wish that Calvin and Hobbes were still in the comics page of my local paper. Or any paper for that matter.
Should I add Bob to the list of people my computer emails comics to every morning?
Inquiring minds want to know!
Posted by Ayelar (Member # 183) on :
And has Bob considered getting da wife hooked on online card games, thus enabling him to post on Hatrack whilst the other dominates the Hearts community?
Heehee... Mark starts a Pitch tournament tonight! Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
FAQ 27:OK, fair enough. What questions does Bob want to be asked?
A: Any question you want answered. But Bob's personal favorites are: - Why are we here? - What is the meaning of life? - Who is responsible? - Where are my pills?
FAQ 28: Does Bob ever shout into a pillow?
A: Bob actually carries a pillow with him for just this purpose.
FAQ 29: Does Bob ever shout into anything?
A: Bob has been known to shout into the wind. He took this up one day after peeing into the wind.
FAQ 30: If Bob was going to change how is name is spelled, how would he spell it?
A: Backwards has been working for Bob for years now. But he also had to reverse the capitalization as well.
FAQ 31: Does Bob have a converter for European outlets?
A: Why, are you going on a trip? If so, then you could use Bob's directions to make your own and save big money. All you need is some string, two paperclips and roll of heavy-duty aluminum foil (save the tube as a handy way to house your converter).
FAQ 32: I haven't slept in Bob knows how many hours, should that be names or name? Also, does Bob know how many hours?
A: One's name is composed of several "names." Either usage is technically correct, but most English speakers would just say "name."
Bob does not know how many hours you haven't slept. Or rather, he chooses not to divulge that information as it would give away details of his intel-gathering capabilities and potentially jeopardize some on-the-ground assets.
FAQ 33: Could you tell us more specifics about your bird/birds?
A: I only have one bird. A male (we think) love bird whose mate died about a year ago. We haven't gotten him (?) another mate because we think his overagressiveness may have caused the demise of the other bird. Feather plucking, etc. He's not a very tame bird. I got him from a kid whose family decided they didn't want the bird anymore and the kid wasn't taking care of him.
Not that I take all that much care of him either. He kind of hangs out in the cage and waits until I'm on the phone to make noise.
He's bright green with peach cheeks and we call him "Forest."
FAQ 34: What makes Bob never turn on his AIM?
A: Bob has a maid.
FAQ 35: Should I add Bob to the list of people my computer emails comics to every morning?
A: Bob already receives Calvin and Hobbes via e-mail every day. But Bob thanks you for the offer.
FAQ 36: And has Bob considered getting da wife hooked on online card games, thus enabling him to post on Hatrack whilst the other dominates the Hearts community?
A: Bob does not broach the subject of "playing games" with his wife. Card games, board games, RPG, etc. If you were wise, you would not do so either. You have been warned.
Posted by Ayelar (Member # 183) on :
Fair 'nuff!
Posted by Bob the Lawyer (Member # 3278) on :
After reading through this thread I have to wonder when Hobbes became so Bob-obsessed.
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
That is to say, congrats, Bob on post 11,000. And also that you make me smile.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Besides 42, what is the meaning of life?
If you could create one flavor of ice cream, what flavor would it be?
If you were to start singing a song in the shower, what song would you be singing?
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Bob==Many happy returns, atleast another 11000.
I like the Q&A format.
I will give up one Bob-secret. One thing that got me addicted to this forum was Bob. It wasn't his sense of humor, or his fast wit. It was his generosity of character. When I'd say something worth while, he'd let me know he appreciated it. That is what kept me coming back, and I hope I've followed in the master's footsteps and spread the joy.
Now my Q: Why Florida?
PS> Ayelar, the wife on the card games is a great idea. My wife is the Spades queen, so she doesn't even notice when I am on.
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
re: "there's a little bit of bob in all of us"
How do I locate my little bit of Bob?
When I find it, what do I do with it?
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
Bob, how can the Hatrack community make your life even more bobalicious? That is, how can we put the she-bang into your bob-te-bob, give your rootie-tooter a whizz-bang-aloo, and prevent you from leaving us in a mid-Hatrack crisis for some younger forum, you dirty rotten scoundrel?
(*we loves a scoundrel, my precious)
[ July 05, 2003, 10:13 PM: Message edited by: ClaudiaTherese ]
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Congratulations!
Bob ain't kidding about the game thing . . .
So, um, lessee, question . . . why do some turds float while others sink?
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Fiber. You see all the fiber clumps up into a fiber optic. A fiber optic is very very light and less dense than the water making it rise up.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
I will also add my congratulations and say that Bob is one the most important reasons I love Hatrack.
My questions: -What is your favorite ice-cream? -Favorite movie? -If you could be any "Bob" that has existed, who would you be?
Again, thanks for making the Hatrack world so special Posted by Ethics Gradient (Member # 878) on :
'Grats, mate! Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
quote:why do some turds float while others sink?
This is a hilarious question coming from someone named "Icarus". Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
FAQ 37: Besides 42, what is the meaning of life?
A: The meaning of life is to leave the world a better place than you found it, enrich the lives of those around you, enjoy and nurture the gifts you have been blessed with, and have fun with it.
FAQ 38: If you could create one flavor of ice cream, what flavor would it be?
It would begin with a base of Godiva chocolate and rich dark Espresso or cafe Cubano. There would be small soft pieces of brownie mixed in, and pecan chunks. It would be topped with Ghiradelli hot fudge, heavy whipped cream, a cherry and minced walnuts. And it would be freakin' huge!!!
FAQ 39: If you were to start singing a song in the shower, what song would you be singing?
A: What do you mean "if?" I sing in the shower all the time. I sing just about anything except opera. Lately, I've been trying out Hey Jude because some of the notes resonate perfectly in my shower stall. I tend to hold those notes for as long as my breath lasts -- somes up to a minute if I didn't smoke too much the day before.
FAQ 40: Why Florida?
A: When we lived in New York City, my wife and I would come down to Disney 3-4 times a year. This was back in the days of Peoples Express and the $49 one way fare. We fell in love with the place and, at the time, we were making very good money and so we bought a house here and rented it out. About a year later, NYC elected David Dinkins as mayor and he pissed away 6 months waiting to appoint a leader for our agency, then picked the wrong guy. It was not worth staying after that. So we moved to Florida.
We did it without having jobs. I don't recommend this method of moving anywhere, but if you are looking to move to Florida, especially, check first to make sure they even know what your job is. The "infrastructure" here is unlike most of the NorthEast, Midwest or the West in this Country. And they are proud of it.
Well, anyway, we survived. We both work for companies NOT domiciled in Florida and thus have the best of both worlds.
FAQ 41: How do I locate my little bit of Bob?
A: Try listening for a "still, small voice." That may be God, or your conscience, but sometimes it might be Bob. You have to ask it some questions. If it gets them mostly wrong, or lapses into bad puns instead of actually providing answers, then you know you've hit upon your inner Bob. Locating it is not too big a problem, though. Your inner Bob will crave attention, so you could also just sit still and let it come to you.
FAQ 42: When I find it, what do I do with it?
A: Anything it tells you to, within reason. Your inner Bob is not an excuse for shooting yourself or anyone else, for example. But if it tells you to go get some ice cream, or inject a little levity at the funeral of a close relative, I'd say give in.
FAQ 43: Bob, how can the Hatrack community make your life even more bobalicious? That is, how can we put the she-bang into your bob-te-bob, give your rootie-tooter a whizz-bang-aloo, and prevent you from leaving us in a mid-Hatrack crisis for some younger forum, you dirty rotten scoundrel?
A: Scoundrel? I like the sound of that. But as to your question, you have all already done so much for me. I can't begin to tell you all the ways (large and small) that you have made my life more bob-a-licious. Mainly, because I can't remember. But have no fear of me leaving (except when I go away on trips like the one coming up in about a week). The truth is that my computer's filters are set such that the only websites I can get are Hatrack, the Merriam-Webster dictionary site, e-bay and Google. Of those, only e-bay and Hatrack give me the positive feedback I crave. And with e-bay, you have to buy something from someone and wait for them to leave feedback, and I'm not very good with delayed gratification. So, Hatrack is pretty much the only game in town where I can feed my need for constant attention.
FAQ 44: why do some turds float while others sink?
A: I keep telling you, that wasn't mine! Anyway, it all depends on what you were thinking when you ate the food that eventually became that turd. Deep thoughts...heavy turd. Light, fluffy thoughts...light fluffy turd. People who suffer from chronic constipation are among the deepest thinkers we have. Conversely...well, you get the picture.
FAQ 45: -What is your favorite ice-cream?
A: Well, since the one I would "create" doesn't really exist, I'd have to say that my favorite would be a double dip hot fudge sundae from Baskin Robbins-- one scoop chocolate peanut butter and one scoop chocolate brownie.
[b]FAQ 46: Favorite movie?
A: I'd have to say my all time favorite is Casablanca but then follow that up with the favorites of my other personalities: Monty Python and the Holy Grail Marx Brothers Cocoanuts and Amelie
FAQ 47: -If you could be any "Bob" that has existed, who would you be?
A: What do you mean "if?" You all seem to be missing the essence of Bob-ness. We are all one big Bob. And I'm talking BIG here people. But anyway, the Bob I most admire is Abraham Lincoln. Or Ghandi. But since they are part of me and I of them, I'm actually happiest being the Bob I am. I strive to be the best Bob that I can be.
Posted by Ayelar (Member # 183) on :
Bob, why does it sound like the people upstairs are moving furniture around in steel-toed workboots every Sunday at 8am?
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
FAQ 48: Bob, why does it sound like the people upstairs are moving furniture around in steel-toed workboots every Sunday at 8am?
A: There are explanations too numerous to mention. Parsimony might dictate that the simplest answer is that there are, in fact, people upstairs moving furniture around in steel-toed workboots every Sunday at 8 am. But the simplest explanation that fits all the facts is only a good jumping off point. With a little work, you can come to the realization that your upstairs neighbors are members of a doomsday cult and they just happen to hold their weekly meetings at 8 am on Sundays. They are moving the furniture out of the way so that they can lie on the floor and drink poisoned soda. Of course, they're a rather weak-minded cult and the person who was supposed to poison it chickens out, week after week, but no-one ever discovers this lapse in faith because they are all too busy NOT drinking the soda anyway. The reason you can hear the sound of steel-toed boots is that they all then head off to their bleak suburban existences, scraping their toes across the floor as they shuffle sheepishly out the front door.
Of course, there are other even more sinister explanations, especially if you live on the top floor or have no upstairs neighbors. In these cases, the most likely explanation is either squirrels or you have moved in just below a gate to Hell. Most likely a gate to Hell as squirrels are notorious for not ever helping to move furniture.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Dude, this
quote:The meaning of life is to leave the world a better place than you found it, enrich the lives of those around you, enjoy and nurture the gifts you have been blessed with, and have fun with it. Bob is the man
is getting stiched on a pillow as we speak. proppy kudos Do I owe you royalties?
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
FAQ 49: Do I owe you royalties?
A: People ask Bob this all the time, as they politely quote him without attribution. What's required isn't money, but credit. That's the way that Bobness spreads, by crediting Bob for what is Bob's and helping others to find the Bob within them. But, it's all good. Bob understands that sometimes we all want to feel like we are the Bob and taking the time and energy to give proper credit is sort of a buzz kill. No matter. People will know intuitively when they are hearing a Bob-like utterance and, in their hearts, they will understand.
So, my advice is to simply use what you can. Make it yours and pass it along.
But if you use it to make money, you owe me big time!
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
That's the way that Bobness spreads you are one gloriously goofy guy, and I would come here just to read your posts
Any thoughts on the '04 elections?
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
FAQ 50: Any thoughts on the '04 elections?
A: Bob predicts that the apparent lesser of two evils will be elected by a slim margin, but that his (or her) power will be eroded by a splitting of control in two houses of Congress, or outright control of both houses by the opposing party. Hard to say which right now.
Bob also predicts record spending and infamous abuses of "soft money."
Oh, and Florida will have some sort of voting screw up and it will be blamed on the Democrats.
Posted by Jaiden (Member # 2099) on :
Dear Bob,
Although I have never heard of Godiva Chocolate Ice Cream with rich dark Espresso or cafe Cubano and little small soft pieces of brownie mixed in and pecan chunks, I do know Godiva chocolate ice cream can be bought.
May I suggest you try one of those? Put a brownie or so on the bottom of the plate (you could get brownies with pecans in them ). Put Godiva Chocolate Ice Cream on top and add Ghiradelli hot fudge, heavy whipped cream, a cherry and minced walnuts.
Although not quite the same, perhaps that will satiate your ice cream palate for a time .
Yours truly, Jaiden
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
FAQ 51: May I suggest you try one of those?
A: Yes you may. In fact, I have tried Godiva chocolate ice creams and they are amazingly good.
FAQ 52: May I suggest you tell Godiva Chocolate's your idea?
A: You may do that as well. In fact...
<goes away> <and comes back>
I have taken your suggestion and sent them my idea for a flavor. Think they'll name it after me?
Posted by Jaiden (Member # 2099) on :
Posted by Jaiden (Member # 2099) on :
If Bob is ever feeling the need to make messes in his kitchen…
GODIVA CHOCOLATE SYRUP:
4 bars (1.5 ounces each) Godiva Dark Chocolate, finely chopped 2/3 cup heavy cream 1 tablespoon light corn syrup 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 1 tablespoon Tia Maria or other coffee-flavored liqueur
Place chocolate in medium bowl. Heat cream and corn syrup in small saucepan over medium heat to gentle boil. Pour hot cream mixture over chocolate and let stand for 30 seconds to melt chocolate. Whisk until smooth. Whisk in vanilla and coffee-flavored liqueur. Let sauce cool until tepid. If not serving sauce immediately, store in an airtight jar in refrigerator.
CHOCOLATE ESPRESSO ICE CREAM
2 cups heavy cream, whipped stiff 1/4 teaspoon salt 3/4 cups chocolate syrup 1 whole fresh egg, slightly beaten 1 serving of instant coffee powder, your choice of international flavor (mocha, vienna, etc)
Add the salt and egg to the whipped cream. Beat until well blended. Add, folding gently, but thoroughly, the chocolate syrup and instant coffee. Freeze as is for 3 hours.
Although I have made these recipes separately, I've never used the Godiva Chocolate Syrup to make ice cream. . . Nor have I added brownie pieces to this particular recipe. . .
*looks impish*
I'm terribly sorry for breaking the "rules" of this thread, I don't really have a question. I was flipping through recipes for something to make for supper and saw these in my binder Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
I take my coffee like I take my women--cold and bitter.
That first recipe sounds great, but I bet the 2nd would taste even better with some brewed coffee or espresso in it.
Oooh man, am I jonesing for coffee ice cream now! Curse you, Jaiden!*laughs*. Have you tried Starbucks Ice cream,or you Bob? It rocks.
[ July 06, 2003, 02:34 PM: Message edited by: Morbo ]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Wow, that ice cream recipe is actually Atkins-friendly if you leave out the chocolate syrup or substitute some low carb version...
Posted by Jaiden (Member # 2099) on :
I'm not sure how well it'd work with substitutions, but feel free to try
Corn syrup, light or dark substitute: For 1 cup = 1 1/4 cups granulated or packed brown sugar plus 1/4 cup liquid (use whatever liquid the recipe calls for)
I've never made chocolate syrup substituting corn syrup with sugar, much less other sweeteners, so perhaps the first batch should be tried with cheaper chocolate...
Splenda, as far as I know, is the best sweetener for heating *shrugs*
*wonders how the ice cream would work with so many substitutions and is tempted to try*
[ July 06, 2003, 03:34 PM: Message edited by: Jaiden ]
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
Bob, what is not a shirt?
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
When does Bob eat supper?
Doe Bob have a favorite pair of socks? If so, what are they like?
What's Bob's favorite movie?
Does Bob ever stand on his bed just so he can feel tall?
Hobbes Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
What, exactly, is the relation between Spongebob_Scopatz and his slightly more popular namesake (who in Mexico is known as Bob Esponja)?
Is Begging the Question a brilliant Bob innovation or a tired re-hash of a centuries-old parlor game?
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
Hobbes, silly, Bob's favorite movie is Casablanca.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Hobbes retracts his question as it has already been asked. He then hides in the corner and covers his face in shame.
Hobbes Posted by JaneX (Member # 2026) on :
quote:FAQ 5: Is Bob really that funny in person?
A: No. Bob is really a team of writers replying under this one Hatrack log in. The real Bob is sort of soft-spoken and when he tries to be funny in real life, it often comes off as sarcasm. This has cost him many friendships, but he can’t seem to stop it.
I'll have to disagree with that. The answer to FAQ 5 is, in fact, Yes.
~Jane~
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
Will the number of FAQ entries ever exceed Bob's post count?
Should the number of FAQ entries every exceed that of Bob's post count, would this have any implications regarding the omnibobness of Bob?
[ July 06, 2003, 09:52 PM: Message edited by: filetted ]
Posted by zgator (Member # 3833) on :
Why exactly should we get off Bob's lawn?
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
What is Bob's favorite OSC book?
What is Bob's favorite fiction book by an author other than OSC?
What is Bob's favorite non-fiction book?
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Does Bob know about the Bob-fanclubs, the Dallas Bob-shrine, and the patented Bob-Joke-o-matic?
Side Note: Dan_Raven, you are very funny and very cool. You're the worthy Vice-Bob, the Diet Coke of Bob, the heir of Bob, and the Bobawan.
Posted by zgator (Member # 3833) on :
quote: the Diet Coke of Bob
Does Dan leave a bad after-taste?
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Nononono.
<-- likes Diet Coke
The Diet Coke of Bob: all the sweetness, just one calorie!
Posted by zgator (Member # 3833) on :
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Well Dan probable does leave a bad after taste, I mean he's spent the last few weeks eating Indian.
Are you the bob mentioned in the second panel?
Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
I'm to lazy to read the all thread... Congrats, Bob ! Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
FAQ 53: Bob, what is not a shirt?
A: Viaduct? Vy not a chicken?
Bob regrets to say that while this is indeed a Frequently asked Question, he has no idea what it means and rather than display his ignorance, he has asked a couple of questions of his own.
FAQ 54: When does Bob eat supper?
A: Bob has perfected the science of nearly continuous meal consumption. As such, there's no specific time at which lunch ends and supper begins.
On another level, Bob would like add that the more appropriate question would be "where does Bob eat supper?" To which the reply is "at his aunt's house in Pennsylvania because she is the only person he knows who calls it "supper" instead of dinner.
FAQ 55: Does Bob have a favorite pair of socks? If so, what are they like?
A: Bob indeed does have a favorite pair of socks. He likes it so much, he owns 20 others just like it. Sadly, Bob has lost track of which one was the original pair and which are just the Johnny come latelies of the sock drawer.
The favorite pair is just a low-rise tube sock by Hanes. Plain old white. At least originally.
FAQ 56: Does Bob ever stand on his bed just so he can feel tall?
A: This used to be one of Bob's favorite passtimes until he discovered "standing on the shoulders of giants" and "standing on one's principles" which impart a sense of tallness that one can carry throughout the day and even works when you are homeless and don't have a bed.
FAQ 57: What, exactly, is the relation between Spongebob_Scopatz and his slightly more popular namesake (who in Mexico is known as Bob Esponja)?
A: Bob is rather aloofa toward his more famoso namesake.
FAQ 58: Is Begging the Question a brilliant Bob innovation or a tired re-hash of a centuries-old parlor game?
A: As much as Bob would like to take credit for every good thing in the Universe (or at least on Hatrack), it is important to note that ae came up with "Begging the Question." Bob believes that ae was probably "in the Bob zone" when this burst of inventiveness occurred, but still, he likes to give credit where credit is due.
On a more serious note, the idea that anything on the Internet could be a rip off of something centuries old just doesn't make sense and Bob is shocked to see you even bring it up.
FAQ 59: Will the number of FAQ entries ever exceed Bob's post count?
A: Probably not. This thread is already getting old and tiresome to most of the rest of Hatrack. Only a few stalwarts are keeping it alive. The only thing that would help now is if OSC came in and posted.
FAQ 60: Should the number of FAQ entries ever exceed that of Bob's post count, would this have any implications regarding the omnibobness of Bob?
A: It would merely strengthen the case. Omnibobness (which is really just one manifestation of the essence of Bobness) cannot be taken away or diluted. It simply is. And wherever you look for it, there it is.
It's like air, only less visible and somewhat toxic if inhaled too deeply. Try not to have too much Bobness all at once because you can get lightheaded and you'll wake up with a really bad hangover. Plus a tattoo.
FAQ 61: Why exactly should we get off Bob's lawn?
A: Because I just fertilized it, and I used the real thing too, not some processed chemical equivalent of manure.
Oh yeah, and I've purchased one of those sprinklers with a sensor so they come on whenever someone tries to walk on the lawn.
Alternate answer: No reason. No reason at all. In fact, come closer. Closer...
Bwah ha ha ha hahahahahahahaha
FAQ 62: What is Bob's favorite OSC book?
A: Bob's sentimental favorite is Ender's Game, but his all time favorite is Ender's Shadow which is amazing for showing off what a great author Card is and bringing a whole new perspective to a beloved story.
FAQ 63: What is Bob's favorite fiction book by an author other than OSC?
A: Tough one!!! I'd have to say Les Miserables. I never knew Victor Hugo was such a great author having only read his Hunchback of Notre Dame. I've since picked up several of Hugo's books and am always on the lookout for more. But for shear mind crunchy goodness, I have to say Les Miserables is the top.
Now, I also want to acknowledge being a big fan of some other authors of speculative fiction (Philip Jose Farmer, Asimov, Larry Niven, Harry Harrison, S.R. Donaldson, Douglas Adams, etc.). And I'm very fond of many English lit titles (Far from the Madding Crowd, just about anything from Dickens, the Horatio Horblower series, etc.)
And I think Mark Twain is still unsurpassed for giving us both humor and insight.
FAQ 64:What is Bob's favorite non-fiction book?
A: I've read some excellent biographies of Lincoln, as well as really enjoyed US Grant's memoirs. I'd also have to put in a vote for Stephen Jay Gould's The Mismeasure of Man and the Cartoon Guide to Statistics (although some may argue that statistics are fiction.
But the all time top spots for me would go to The True Believer and The Structure of Scientific Revolutions which are the only works of a philosophical nature that I have ever understood the first time through.
A sentimental favorite is Vincent Detier's [/i]To Know a Fly[/i] about his work in the lab. Good stuff.
FAQ 65: Does Bob know about the Bob-fanclubs, the Dallas Bob-shrine, and the patented Bob-Joke-o-matic?
A: From the perspective that we are all Bob in some small way, the fact that you (and I assume others) know about these things means that Bob knows about them. However, there's always room for more knowledge, so perhaps a pilgrimage is in order. For EVERYONE!
Posted by Bokonon (Member # 480) on :
Does Bob realize that when he mentioned that his dissertation disks were leaking electrons and magnetism to the ether, he was refering to a now discredited, even antiquated, theory, these people notwithstanding??
BTW, Bob's description of himself sound similar to me, if I may flatter myself.
Except he's funnier.
And better looking.
And a much better Bokononist than I'll ever be
-Bok
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
You shouldn't knock the Mighty Bob's science. At least he wasn't quoting these guys.
[ July 07, 2003, 11:22 AM: Message edited by: Annie ]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
FAQ 66: Does Bob realize that when he mentioned that his dissertation disks were leaking electrons and magnetism to the ether, he was refering to a now discredited, even antiquated, theory, these people notwithstanding??
A: I would just like to point out that R.N. Boyd is a Bob as well. Therefore his science is of the highest calibre and should be believed by everyone.
Britney Spears lacks a certain level of Bobness, although we have a plan to correct this deficiency.
Posted by zgator (Member # 3833) on :
quote: Britney Spears lacks a certain level of Bobness, although we have a plan to correct this deficiency.
I thought she had some surgery to enhance her Bobness.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
She'll certainly bob much better now than she used to, that's for sure.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
Why doesn't Bob answer my question? Does he have something to hide, or just waiting for his hit squad to reach me and extract my password to delete the post?
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
FAQ 67: Are you the bob mentioned in the second panel?
A: We keep getting into this confusion about whether one Bob is all Bobs and vice versa. The answer is yes.
Alternate answer: No.
FAQ 68: Why doesn't Bob answer my question?
A: Some FAQs need to be asked more than once in order to qualify. Yours was one such question.
FAQ 69: Does he have something to hide, or just waiting for his hit squad to reach me and extract my password to delete the post?
A: Are you still there?
Oh, okay, then I guess it must be that I have something to hide.
Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
Who is Bob's favorite Hatrack Wench (or, alternately, Bob's favorite member of the Slash hoochie stable)?
What is Bob's favorite type of cookie?
Is Bob jealous of Slash's stable?
Does Bob have his own stable, and who's in it?
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
FAQ 70: Who is Bob's favorite Hatrack Wench (or, alternately, Bob's favorite member of the Slash hoochie stable)?
A: Hey, no using the Bob FAQ to promote your own threads, factions and Hatrack cliques!!!
Actually, Bob's favorite Hatrack Wench is whichever one is giving him the most attention at the moment. He does admit to a certain enduring fondness for Fael, however, because of her long-standing support for his brand of chain mesh undergarments.
FAQ 71: What is Bob's favorite type of cookie?
A: Bob makes his own shortbread chocolate chip pecan cookie that is to die for. In fact, one should only eat this in the presence of a trained paramedic.
FAQ 72: Is Bob jealous of Slash's stable?
A: Who isn't?
FAQ 73: Does Bob have his own stable, and who's in it?
A: Bob uses his stable to store imaginery classic cars and vintage video games such as PONG and ASTEROIDS. Last time he checked, there was nobody in the stable, although a goat is said to have wandered in just after the census was completed.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Slash's stable is nothing to be jealous of - it's like being jealous of your neighbor's pet cougar. Fun to watch, but you wouldn't want one of your own.
Bob, why did you go into psychology? And...
Bob Newhart was an accountant before he was Bob Newhart. Hollywood is always looking for writers. Any plans? If not, can we plant some?
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Speaking of Bob Newhart(it is really weird that you mentioned him, Katharina, because I was thinking about this on the beach in Maine):
Does Bob Scopatz have a drinking game invented in his honor, as Bob Newhart did?(Rules: Watch the old bob Newhart Show. Drink when they say the name Bob.)
Also, if there IS an anti-Bob, wouldn't it be spelled "boB?"
Liz
[ July 07, 2003, 04:21 PM: Message edited by: Elizabeth ]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
FAQ 74: Bob, why did you go into psychology?
A: When I got into undergrad, I was fishing around for a major that would be pre-med and wouldn't require me to take the normal core courses in English (because I hated being told what to read and "what it meant") and Philosophy (which I have a very difficult time understanding and thus caring about). I found this major named "Psychobiology" and a program called "Thematic Option" which were perfect for me. It turned out to be more than I bargained for because:
a) I really enjoyed research. I worked in an Experimental Psych lab and decided that was more interesting than medicine, and a lot less deadly if I made mistakes.
b) I ended up with 2 electives throughout my entire undergraduate career. And tell me that doesn't suck!
But still, it was a great experience and I look back on it with the sort of fondness usually reserved for ones first pet or a spinster aunt who feeds you a lot.
When I was accepted to Columbia University's doctoral program in Experimental Psych, it really was a dream come true. I expected I would end up on a faculty somewhere filling young minds with all sorts of useful knowledge about the brain, the mind and everything in between.
But I graduated in an era when jobs were becoming scarce and schools were curtailing their "animal" programs because of costs as well as various attacks on labs by the PETA people and their ilk. So, career options were looking bleak. That and I didn't like the idea of having to do a "post-doc" which pays about $18,000 and is worse than being a grad student.
So, I entered the workforce and have really loved every minute of that too.
It's been fun all along and I can't complain.
FAQ 75: Bob Newhart was an accountant before he was Bob Newhart. Hollywood is always looking for writers. Any plans? If not, can we plant some?
A: I have all sorts of dreams and no sorts of plans. If you have any plans to share, that'd be nice. If you have encouragement, that's nice too, but it presupposes that I'd know what to do with it. I figure there's probably some sort of way to "break into" the writing business, but I don't know what it is. I could publish stuff now with my aunt (she has one of those "home brew" publishing companies) but the whole thought of being self-published seems sort of cheesy and not like it's the real thing.
Who knows? I'm pretty busy these days with work that's paying the bills. Maybe someday someone will walk up to me and say "Bob, I read your silly comments on the web. Wanna come and write for us? Oh, and by the way, here's a hefty advance so you don't have to work on anything else in the meantime." I'll let you know if that happens.
My other dream involves OSC responding to my thread with an invitation to write something for a new publishing company he's starting.
And then inviting me to his house.
And then he calls the cops and presses charges because the whole thing was a ruse to get me behind bars for stalking him.
FAQ 76: Does Bob Scopatz have a drinking game invented in his honor, as Bob Newhart did?(Rules: Watch the old bob Newhart Show. Drink when they say the name Bob.)
A: Bob has a drinking game. Basically, it involves throwing the contestant (herein after known as "victim") into a vat of Godiva liquor. The object is for the victim to drink his way out.
FAQ 77: If there IS an anti-Bob, wouldn't it be spelled "boB?"
A: Probably. But viewed from above or below it might look like this ---.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Bob, you're hilarious, insightful, witty, and prolific. You're desperately needed in show business. Seriously, you're hysterical.
I'm thinking that you'd like better working for someone being funny than creating a funny machine on your own, though. Hmmm...
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Thanks kat. I really need someone who will make it their life's mission to ensure my success as a writer. If only that person would contact me and get things going, I know I could make it.
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
If a Bob met the Bob coming out of the ice cream parlor, what must a Bob do?
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
FAQ 78: If a Bob met the Bob coming out of the ice cream parlor, what must a Bob do?
A: Let me get this straight, THE Bob is coming OUT of an ice cream parlor? Why? Was it closing? Did they run out of his favorite flavor? Was it time for supper at his aunt's?
It's hard to say what the right response would be for ALL circumstances, but a general rule of thumb would be to simply invite THE Bob back into the ice cream parlor for a quick hot fudge sundae.
Posted by qsysue (Member # 5229) on :
Do people actually read posts that are longer than 5 lines?
Posted by Ela (Member # 1365) on :
quote:quote: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- FAQ 5: Is Bob really that funny in person?
A: No. Bob is really a team of writers replying under this one Hatrack log in. The real Bob is sort of soft-spoken and when he tries to be funny in real life, it often comes off as sarcasm. This has cost him many friendships, but he can’t seem to stop it. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'll have to disagree with that. The answer to FAQ 5 is, in fact, Yes.
Yes, and he is even worse when punning in combination with my husband.
Now, my question:
Why do you have love clutter?
**Ela**
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
Is it true you've been secretly sneaking up and consuming other, lesser, Bobs as a way of increasing your general bobitude?
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
1.Bob, other than Bob Dylan, what artists do you think were "key" during the '60's and early 70's?
2. Have you ever heard of Nick Drake, and if so, how many songs in a row can you listen to without severe depression kicking in?
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
if the Bob were invited back into the parlor for a hot fudge sundae would he indulge in his ice cream personality profiles?
Posted by qsysue (Member # 5229) on :
(Nick Drake depresses you? He only depresses me because he died so young. Same with Jeff Buckley.)
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
FAQ 79: Do people actually read posts that are longer than 5 lines?
A: Sometimes. I know that Bob often reads his own long posts, but not those of other people. Except when he wants to laugh at their verbosity and tendency to be long-winded, repetitive or redundant.
It is a scientifically made up fact that long posts are like long meetings. They serve mainly to reinforce the belief that the entity is still alive. It's like whistling in the dark (which is a very good tune by They Might Be Giants) -- you do it to convince yourself of something.
Bob has generated some incredibly long posts simply to prove that his keyboard is still connected. Other times, he has posted briefly just to see if anyone would pay more attention to him that way.
Sadly, nothing works, so round about the mid-last third of any long post, Bob inserts the key to immortality, or instructions on how to win Radio station giveaways. <eat more chicken> <be the 9th caller> The clever people will read this information and have a life changing experience because of it.
Other people will just nod sagely and pretend that they read it and understood.
FAQ 80: Why do you have love clutter?
A: Because love is messy.
FAQ 81: Is it true you've been secretly sneaking up and consuming other, lesser, Bobs as a way of increasing your general bobitude?
A: It just doesn't work that way. We may assimilate a Bob or two, here or there, when there's no other choice. But generally, we just meld together on a higher plane of existence. Having Lavalamp around really helps in that regard.
But, you should all realize that you too can increase your bobitude. It's there for the taking. Just be the Bob and all else will fall into place.
FAQ 82: Bob, other than Bob Dylan, what artists do you think were "key" during the '60's and early 70's?
A: The Who Janis Joplin Rolling Stones Simon & Garfunkle, then later just Paul Simon Joni Mitchell Lou Reed & The Velvet Underground (but no NICO) Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young Neil Young John Lennon George Harrison Arlo Guthrie Eric Clapton Pink Floyd Creedence The Doors
FAQ 83: Have you ever heard of Nick Drake, and if so, how many songs in a row can you listen to without severe depression kicking in?
A: Funny I just heard of Nick Drake. Just this minute.
As far as songs leading to depression, it would depend entirely on whose songs they are. And whether I was "between pills" at the moment.
FAQ 84: if the Bob were invited back into the parlor for a hot fudge sundae would he indulge in his ice cream personality profiles?
A: If you mean would I sit there eating ice cream with you and give you a "reading?" -- sure, what the heck. As long as the ice cream holds out, I'm good to go.
If you mean should you "bump" the ice cream personality profile thread, the answer is you should do whatever the Bob in you motivates you to do. But don't expect any new profiles as I'm not done writing the story yet. And that's the deal.
FAQ 85: Nick Drake depresses you? He only depresses me because he died so young. Same with Jeff Buckley.
A: You and Jeff Buckley need to get over this fixation on Nick Drake's death.
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
My "little bit of bob" is saying that it doesn't care much for icecream but likes cake instead. Should I have it lanced?
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Does Bob disapprove of the relationship between Posable_Man and Posable_Girl? Are you keeping the two wood-grain crossed lovers apart intentionally, or did they come to a mutual decision?
And
quote:Viaduct? Vy not a chicken?
is actually
quote:Viaduct? Vy-a no chicken?
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
FAQ 86: My "little bit of bob" is saying that it doesn't care much for icecream but likes cake instead. Should I have it lanced?
A: You can lance it if you want to, but I prefer to eat my cake with a fork. Give it a try. You'll find that you can get a lot more of it in your mouth that way.
FAQ 87: Does Bob disapprove of the relationship between Posable_Man and Posable_Girl? Are you keeping the two wood-grain crossed lovers apart intentionally, or did they come to a mutual decision?
A: Bob is not Posable_Man's keeper. I thought he and Posable_Girl really had something going there, but then this new job came along and Posable_Man is so busy holding up the world that I guess they just had to put their love on hold. There are more important things, I guess.
FAQ 88: And
quote: Viaduct? Vy not a chicken?
is actually
Viaduct? Vy-a no chicken?
A: Bob has been watching Cocoanuts longer than SOME people on this board have been alive. Bob assures you that you are mistaken and, as your punishment, you are hereby sentenced to watch the movie again. If you can prove that you are correct, however, then Bob will take this same punishment upon himself.
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
When bob tells a story, makes a comment, or writes something that you don't fully grasp, should you snub the bob, rob the bob, or hob-nob with the bob?
Are there any real rules of etiquette regarding bob?
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
FAQ 88: When bob tells a story, makes a comment, or writes something that you don't fully grasp, should you snub the bob, rob the bob, or hob-nob with the bob?
A: Would it be asking too much for you to just feed the Bob and pay attention to him? It's all he really wants anyway.
FAQ 89: Are there any real rules of etiquette regarding bob?
A: There is only one rule, and that is that if you need to ask the rules, you've already lost the game. Look into yourself. Do what your Bob tells you to do (recalling various caveats expressed in previous FAQs) and don't question things so much.
Alternate answer: Here are some rules: - Don't pick your nose
- Don't pick Bob's nose, unless you're at the plastic surgeon's office and you're looking at possible new nose styles. In which case, pick Bob's chin while you are at it.
- When faced with a choice between style and substance, choose at random which of the two to pursue.
- Secretly cling to the childish belief that you really are the center of the Universe afterall.
- Enter every situation knowing where the exits are and who you'll pin the blame on if things go sour.
- Always have a good fake limp and a couple of good fake accents to use for dramatic effect.
- Never read the instruction manual until after you've assembled the product.
- Seek the truth so you know just where it is in case you need to hide from it.
- Keep your pinkie erect when sipping ice tea.
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
bob is a game?
if I lose the bob-game is there anyway to continue playing? are there cheat-codes?
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
*puts the pieces away, folds up the bob-game box and childishly clings to it before being hauled off to bed*
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
HAMMER (pause) Well, we'll Passover that. You're a peach, boy. Now, here is a little peninsula, and, eh, here is a viaduct leading over to the mainland.
CHICO Why a duck?
HAMMER I'm all right, how are you? I say, here is a little peninsula, and here is a viaduct leading over to the mainland.
CHICO All right, why a duck?
HAMMER I'm not playing "Ask Me Another," I say that's a viaduct.
CHICO All right! Why a duck? It's what... why a duck? Why a no chicken?
HAMMER Well, I don't know why a no chicken -- I'm a stranger here myself.
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
Posted by Olivet (Member # 1104) on :
Yay! Bob!
*waves banner*
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
FAQ 90: bob is a game?
if I lose the bob-game is there anyway to continue playing? are there cheat-codes?
A: Bob is THE game. The game of Life. The end game. The game in which everyone is a winner in the end.
part 2: there are no "losers" in the bob game. You can play whenever you want to and stop whenever you want to.
There aren't really any rules. The previous FAQ citing "rules" was just to give some peace of mind to people who feel uncomfortable without rules.
Since there are no rules, there's no way to cheat. We suppose that changing your name to Bob might be considered "cheating" in some circles (but not in Stonehenge which, as we all now know, is a model of the female external sex organs), but the Council of Bob (COB) has ruled in the past that such "naturalized" Bobs are just peachy keen.
Special to Leonide: I'll be carrying out my sentence in the near future.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Bob, the other day on "The Price is Right," there was a group of people with matching t-shirts. On the fron it said: B.O.B. On the back, it said, "Bunch of Believers" If you had a t-shirt with B.O.B. on the front, what would the back say? Liz
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
quote:- Secretly cling to the childish belief that you really are the center of the Universe afterall.
This explains why we get along so well, then! I'm the sun at the center of my solipsism!
If Bob was a member of the colonial congress, which member would he be?
Posted by Rakeesh (Member # 2001) on :
Ben Franklin, of course!
Edit: And don't you mean Continental Congress, Joe?
[ July 10, 2003, 10:22 AM: Message edited by: Rakeesh ]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
FAQ 91: If Bob was a member of the colonial congress, which member would he be?
A: All this talk of "members" is making me flushed. I think I would be Benjamin Franklin, except that I would've electrocuted myself with that stupid kite trick, so someone else would've had to take my place.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Does Bob want to write for the Simpsons? Bob went to an Ivy League school, so that has to help right there.
Did Bob ever consider having children?
Posted by zgator (Member # 3833) on :
Why does Bob's favorite hat have a stegosaurus on it?
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
FAQ 92: Bob, the other day on "The Price is Right," there was a group of people with matching t-shirts. On the fron it said: B.O.B. On the back, it said, "Bunch of Believers" If you had a t-shirt with B.O.B. on the front, what would the back say?
A: Bob no longer wears T-shirts with logos on them. But if he were to wear one that had the letters "B.O.B." on the front, it would have to say "Big on Barbeque" on the back. The shirt would be size XXXL in order to make the pun work.
FAQ 93: Does Bob want to write for the Simpsons? Bob went to an Ivy League school, so that has to help right there.
A: Bob wants to become famous enough to have a guest appearance on the Simpsons. But he would certainly enjoy writing for them as well. Matt Groening is to cartoons today what the Warner Brothers staff was back in the 1950s.
FAQ 94: Did Bob ever consider having children?
A: Bob hasn't got a womb. And you'd be surprised how this has shaped his life in so many ways.
But, as soon as he finishes collecting enough flasks and Bunsen burners, Bob intends to have a child. And when he does, boy or girl, that child is going into the Boy Scouts. So please stop asking! Would it help if I bought some frekin' cookings from them or something???? Sheesh! Leave me alone!
Alternate answer: I've thought many times that I would make a great dad. The truth is, and she will admit this, my wife would make a terrible mother for reasons that I shant go into here. And I love her more than I love the idea of having children. The choice would've come down to life with her or life with the kids after she left us. So... I made the choice I did.
Ask me in a few years if it was the right one. For now, it seems like the right choice anyway.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
FAQ 95: Why does Bob's favorite hat have a stegosaurus on it?
A: The stegosaurus is an ancient symbol of small brained, armour'd defensive goodness. In fact, among the various dinosaurs, the Stegosaurus was known to be good to have around in fight because: a) he was so stupid he'd stand and take it giving everyone else a chance to run away. b) He had those weird fin things on his dorsal surface so everyone made fun of him anyway. c) A good half of his brain was in his tail section so no-one could tell which end was in charge at any given moment.
Alternate answer: I was in summer camp when I was a kid. For some reason, the other kids nick-named me "dinosaur". It wasn't because I was large or stupid, it was because I could always catch the ball in dodge ball or "Nationsball" as we sometimes called it. If you caught the ball, then the guy who threw it was out, and not you. Even the camp counselors used to get "out" when I was there.
I look back on that summer fondly because I was accepted in a group for the first time that I could recall (I was not part of the cool kids in my school) and because I kissed a girl for the first time. Or should I say, she first kissed me. It was underwater! I freaked out! But still, it counts as a first kiss in most of the books I've read.
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[Cool]](cool.gif)
Bob ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
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![[Wink]](wink.gif)
![[Embarrassed]](redface.gif)
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)