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My life story is about as interesting as a can of unopened tuna. Virtually nothing happened from birth to about age 17. And the only reason it gets interesting *after* that is because my parents decided to divorce very messily, nastily, and openly. However, since that's just about the most unpleasant thing that ever happened to me, I will try to spice up my childhood
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April 22nd, 1984 : I was born at 9:48 in the evening, at the Doylestown Hospital in Doylestown, PA. I didn’t live there, however: my first home was in Solberry, and then Richmond, PA. I had a dog named Monsie. I still have a stuffed animal dog named after her.
My earliest memory is actually not a memory at all, but a dream. To date it is one of the most baffling and frightening dreams I’ve ever had, even in its simplicity. I’m in a dark room -- the kind of dark you get when you close your eyes...it’s an engulfing black, but with little dots of color morphing apart and together on your eyelids. And high above me in this dream room is a gun, suspended in mid-air. It’s not moving, it’s not being held by anyone. It’s just there. Then all of a sudden, I am looking down the barrel of said gun, and an echoing heart beat sound is ringing in my ears. The gun slowly points to the left, and then swings around past me again, (all the while suspended at exactly the same height across from me,) to point right. Then, the gun moves slowly back to point towards me. And then it goes off. And I wake up.
This is not a dream I would wish on anyone, never mind a young girl who was almost certainly three or four at the time.
When I was two, my family moved to Boulder, Colorado, a lovely, lovely place that I had the pleasure of visiting again when I was 14. My sister Caitlin was born there in 1986. We moved back to Pennsylvania soon after, and my father began teaching at Kutztown University.
When I asked my mother today to describe what I was like as a child, she said “Full of joy and energy, and so upbeat.” Watching tapes of my childhood, I tend to lean more towards “oblivious.” I was not a nasty child, or bratty. I was most definitely not shy, but when one sees me in my home videos I am most definitely in my own world. My mother says I would make up languages, just random strands of gibberish that I would speak in for extended periods of time. They had no rhyme or reason, just me trying out the language, I guess.
Growing up I had one good friend, and that I believe was by default: she was my next door neighbor. I never sought out other friends, though -- I had found plenty of steadfast ones in the movie musicals I watched endlessly, rapturously. Annie, of course, and The Sound of Music, and I could sing Tomorrow and Do-Re-Mi on key and word-for-word by the time I was 4. I also remember, growing up, an Imaginary Club I had. Yes, that’s right. Not a mere *friend*...a *club.* The membership consisted of around 20 or so individuals, mostly girls but Billy from Where the Red Fern Grows was there. Amberdeen was one of the more active members...I think she was in a wheel-chair. Each member also had a pet all to themselves, ranging from dolphins to chinchillas. My imagination was on hyper-drive throughout most of my childhood.
I always wanted to perform, and I always wanted to be an actor when I grew up. From the first time I realized what *jobs* were, I would tell people that I was going to be famous.
School, though obviously a huge part of my life, is not something I feel the need to discuss at great length. It will be one paragraph unless I start digressing.
I loved it in elementary school, hated it from middle school on. My school was wholly un-supportive of the arts, a real small-town mentality, and I had few friends my own age. In elementary school, I was beautifully self-confident and full of fun. When middle school and the harsh reality of “you can’t be the person you are and expect people to like you,” set in, I became a very closed-off, emotionally distant person. Elementary school had me walking down the halls singing at the top of my lungs. Middle and High school saw me fortifying walls I never even knew existed between me and the rest of the world. School work was so easy for me it became a joke, a huge joke, and in the end the joke was on me because I hardly studied. I got really good grades, but I could’ve gotten better and perhaps I would be getting college scholarships and free rides now, had I applied myself then. But I didn’t. It’s not a time in my life that I will look back on with fondness, more like indifference or sometimes seething hatred. English and Creative Writing and Literature and the fall plays were the only things that kept me sane.
Of course, it seems silly to limit the amount of time I talk about my school years, since I am only a year post-graduation. But I feel that any continued discussion on the matter would leave me with a very bitter taste in my mouth. So what else can I say?
My sister and I were at each others throats growing up. I didn’t know why then and I still don’t know why to this day. But when my parents separated two years ago, we became thick as thieves. I like it. My other, non-family good friend in my life, I met doing theatre. My group of loved ones is very small, but very much cherished.
My parents. The anomaly with their relationship and subsequent separation is that by all outward appearances, they were one of the best, happiest couples I’ve ever seen. My father was 38 when he met my mother, who was 18. They married when she was 22 and had me the following year. He was her professor at college. It’s either incredibly romantic or doomed from the start, eh? I remember them being very huggy-kissy when I was growing up, but whenever they would fight it would be so horrible to me I would pray and pray for them to just get a divorce. I think a part of me wanted my family to be interesting (the sad things we wish in childhood...) and another part of me sensed that their arguments were often over such ridiculous things that there had to be more to them. Well, there was, and when the proverbial ball dropped in September of 2001, our very nice safe home-life came crashing down along with it. My father became mentally and verbally abusive towards my mother, and I lived in constant fear of him. He finally moved out, but visited for Christmas that same year and ruined it. I don’t want to dwell, but things are all right now, except for my mom’s current boyfriend...but that’s another story entirely.
I’m an atheist. A very open-minded atheist, but atheist has such a negative taboo on it that I think putting “fluffy bunny-loving happy” in front of the word wouldn’t help much. Organized religion has never been a part of my life...I went to Sunday School at a local UCC for a few months when I was younger, but even then I felt out of place and everything felt wrong. That is what’s always been my problem with religion. It always feels wrong to me. Like a gnawing in my brain or some other strange analogy -- I’ve never felt at home in a church, I’ve never felt comforted when praying, I’ve never felt enlightened after reading a passage in a holy book. If there is a God, I have no idea what he’s like. At all. Because nothing I’ve seen so far has made sense to me.
I went to college for two and a half weeks this January, as some of you might remember. I hated the distance, I hated the city, and came home. I am content that that was the right choice to make, but I am at a loss as to where to go from here. I was recently cast in the Pennsylvania Renaissance Faire for this season, which runs every weekend from August till the end of October. I expect to see as many Jatraqueros as can get there easily to come see me. I’m also working as a music seller at the Barnes & Noble in our area.
I never feel like I’ve said what I want to say in these sorts of things. I’ve given a very piece-meal overview of my life, delving deeper into some subjects and simply skimming over others. My advice would be: For More Information, please check out my webpage or the Bachelorette thread. And of course, I open the floor for any and all questions. Ask away!
I love it here at Hatrack and hope to be around for many thousands of posts more. I had the wonderful pleasure of actually meeting some Hatrackers in Jersey, and their collective coolness and intelligence and kindness reminded me how much I feel lucky to have stumbled upon this community. This is my home-away-from-home, and for that I thank each and every one of you.
I've always enjoyed your posts and hope you stick around as planned for many, many more. Best of luck!
Posts: 1548 | Registered: Aug 2002
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Very cool. I really admire you for pursuing your dreams of performing. I also always wanted to be in a Renaissance Faire (well, mostly I wanted to wear the dresses and extensions). It looks like Kira Junior (yes, that's how I think of you, I hope you don't mind!) is doing all the things that Kira Senior chickened out of.
Incidentally, I married one of my college professors and it's going pretty well . Of course, he's only 4 years older than me and it was summer classes at another school .
Posts: 3037 | Registered: Jan 2002
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I want to be in a Ren faire, it sounds/looks like so much fun! Unfortunatly PA is just a few hours too far from here or I'd come visit you...
Posts: 3420 | Registered: Jun 2002
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See, I knew I'd forget to mention something: Books. How the hell could I forget books? Books are my life, seriously. Where the Red Fern Grows was my first chapter book, and The Eyre Affair was the last book I read...and the Ender Series is by far my favorite. I've been reading since i was a wee tot and book worlds contribute greatly to my ever-growing "Kira's Cool Imaginary World Where Everything's Perfect"
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Where the Red Fern Grows is an evil, evil book. Up until that point at which I read it, I had never cried so hard.
Posts: 3636 | Registered: Oct 2001
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Congratulations! I think the bar has been raised lately when it comes to landmark post, because yours was beautiful, as have been several other recent ones.
I am so glad you have come to have a good relationship with your sister. That's a great story.
I'm glad you're here at Hatrack (and at GreNME). You add a lot to both sites.
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I do have a nifty collection of singable showtunes in my car...and Leto himself requested "Music of the Night" and sang it with his lovely voice Posts: 3516 | Registered: Sep 2002
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Dude, Eddie, you were like falling asleep in the car...how did you notice the music *or* my horrific driving? Posts: 3516 | Registered: Sep 2002
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I cannot believe I missed this until now! I knew you were cool before, but it's always nice to know a little more about where a person comes from and all that.
BTW, did you ever find out the guy's name? The one who came through and you were too silly to look at his credit card? Just curious.
Posts: 9293 | Registered: Aug 2000
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Ha! I completely forgot about that guy...hmm... No indeed, I did not find out his name, nor did I ever see him again in B&N...guess it wasn't meant to be Posts: 3516 | Registered: Sep 2002
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. Of course, he's only 4 years older than me and it was summer classes at another school .
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