posted
I love to give gifts, and I enjoy getting them too. For me it's one of the best parts of the Holiday Season. However, I hear some people talk about gifts, especially around this time, as a chore or obligation. Sometimes it seems like just a lot of stress for them and something they don't really enjoy at all. What are some of your attitudes about gift giving? I've come up with several questions, feel free to answer as many or as few as you like. Also, feel free to post gift related questions of your own. I want to know what you all think.
To whom do you give Christmas gifts? Do you try to give something to everyone in your family? Do you try to give to all your friends?
Do you make a list of people and get gifts for all of them? Do you ever give a gift to someone you hadn't planned to because you just happened to come across something "perfect" for them?
Do you generally "give" gifts, or "exchange" gifts? That is, do you give gifts regardless of whether you might get one or not? Or do you give gifts expecting one in return, or because one was given to you? Have you ever given a gift solely because someone gave one to you? Have you ever scratched someone off your list because you gave them something and they didn't reciprocate?
When you're invited to a party, do you take a gift to the host or hostess?
Do you ever buy or make something specifically to give as a gift, but with no particular recipient in mind a the time of purchase or at the time of making it?
Do you ever give a gift "just because"? (i.e. no occasion, not birthday or Christmas, etc.)
Posts: 6394 | Registered: Dec 1999
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I give gifts to family, friends, and some acquaintances. However, the pool of family alone is way to big for me to afford to get something for everyone. Generally, I limit Christmas gifts to the people I'm going to see face to face, or people I need to make a special effort to keep in touch with. For instance, I'll probably give a gift this year to my sister and neice who are temporarily living with my Mom, next door. But I won't be sending gifts to my other brothers and sisters and numerous neices and nephews spread out all across the country because I simply can't afford it and neither can they. Friends and acquaintences get gifts from me very haphazardly. You might get one this year or you might not. The factors determining this are too numerous to list here.
I make a list, but not everyone on it will get something at Christmas time. And some people I forgot for the list will get something. I'm sort of random like that. My favorite giving is when I come across the "perfect" gift for someone. When this happens, regardless of whether I was previously planning to give them something or not, I might pick it up and add them to the list.
I try to "give" gifts, but I will "exchange" them at "secret Santa" exchanges and the like. If it's not a specific "drawing names" kind of exchange, though, I try to make my gift giving real "giving" and not and exchange of gifts. When I was a lot younger, I sometimes gave gifts hoping to get one in return, or gave one out of a sense of obligation because I got one from someone. As an adult, though, I'd hate to get a gift because of obligation so I really try to give in the spirit in which I like to receive. I'd never not give a gift because I didn't get one. (Though, logically, one remembers the gifts one gets, so those people will be foremost in your mind when you are giving gifts.)
I always try to take a host gift.
I like crafts and I like shopping. I often start a craft project making something I know I'll never use myself (I like to make jewelry), but also don't have a specific recipient in mind. Sometimes those things become gifts. If I'm shopping and find a real bargain on something nice, I might also pick it up as a "stand-by" gift. I have a shelf at home with such things, and if I'm invited to a party, such things make really nice host/hostess gifts. Or if I need a last-minute gift, I have one.
I love Christmas and gift giving, but I really like to give gifts throughout the year, and especially for no specific reason. This also makes it easier for me to keep my Christmas list within reason. If I miss someone I like at Christmas time, chances are I've given them something or will give them something at some other time of the year. This also helps me avoid the trap of obligatory gift giving at Christmas. (Or at least narrow the pool of people to whom I feel obliged to give gifts.)
Posts: 6394 | Registered: Dec 1999
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I used to exchange gifts with my close friends, but they're mostly all poor college students so we quit giving presents.
I feel like if I give people gifts they're expected to give me something and I don't want them to feel obligated. I have a few little things to give this year to friends, though.
Posts: 5462 | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
JT, I'm sort of the opposite. My siblings and I have agreed not to give gifts to one another because none of us can really afford to buy for everyone. However, I do give to my friends.
I understand not wanting people to feel obligated in return. But on the other hand I really hate the whole "obligation" thing in either direction (which often gets especially pronounced at Christmas). But the alternative (no giving) is also kind of sad. My ideal world would be one in which people think often of others and give gifts altruistically. I know it's unrealistic to expect everyone to be that way, but I can at least try to act that way myself.
That's a good question, though. How many of you don't give gifts because you don't want the recipient to feel obligated?
Posts: 6394 | Registered: Dec 1999
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posted
When my kids were little, we moved away from the extended family. Many of our family traditions were tied to visits to Grandparents. To compensate we started a tradition of our own, which, by accident, developed into a gift exchange tradition that has been fun for us. We do "Birthday Weeks". We celebrate for a whole week at a birthday time. There are gifts every day. There are parties every day, all on a different theme such as "Adult Friends", "Fancy dinner", (China, Crystal etc.) "School Friends", "Anything you want to do day", (sometimes this involved unusual things like ride a horse or fly in an airplane). Then, at Christmas we limited gifts to one present from each family member, with a dollar limit. That included from the parents. We spent the Holiday time doing Christmas stuff like concerts instead of shopping. Overall the expense was about the same as a "Big Christmas". But, the expense was spread out over the whole year, and the focus of Christmas moved from gifts to "Christmas Spirit". Anyway, it worked for us.
Posts: 1167 | Registered: Oct 2005
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