posted
Today at school, we had career-counselling sessions for all of us juniors. Some of you may recall similar events in OotP. Rest assured, none of my counsellors was toadlike, evil, or British.
I've been doing a lot of thinking about what sort of career I'd like to go into, and I had a pretty good idea of it. I've been listening to a lot of musicals lately--Rent, Wicked, Les Mis, so on--and it came to me:
I want to be a Bohemian.
This is a tad difficult. For one, I've only heard vague mentions of Bohemians before. And when I got to my career-counselling session today, the counsellor had no idea what it is. So I don't know what colleges I should go to, what major I should focus on, or even what the job will entail.
Please, can any Jatraqueros help me? In the past three days, I've managed to delude myself into believing it's my lifelong dream. So what do I do? Are any of you Bohemians, or know Bohemians?
Posts: 1735 | Registered: Oct 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
First off, you need alcoholic friends in their mid-20s.
One must have a disease. Two of them must be gay. One of the gay ones must also be one of the four of your friends who is a racial minority. They should all be liberals who are in some way forced to live with or work for a person around your age from a similar socio-economic background who's managed to build himself up to the upper middle class and is ruthlessly Objectivist in his outlook. He should also be a Christian and frequent prostitutes.
You should have a favorite table at a favorite bar, but talk while you're at that bar of all the other bars you've visited. It helps if one of you is trying to open a gallery.
You should be the writer. The writer always lives, while all your other bohemian friends have horrible things happen to them. The worst thing that will happen to you is the loss of one or two girlfriends and probably a soul-crushing job. You'll also have to watch your friend with the disease die, but that'll give you something to write about when you decide to stop being a bohemian.
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
| IP: Logged |
posted
If you are yourself gay, you will only survive if your boyfriend cheats on you, then dies.
You should have majored in English, psychology, or journalism in college (NYU, Yale, or Columbia are best), and ideally should have graduated at or near the top of your class. At the start of your life as a bohemian, you should be employed by either a fast food chain or an insurance office.
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
| IP: Logged |
posted
But if I graduate at the top of my class from Yale, won't I get a job somewhere suited to those talents? Doesn't it work better if, for instance, I go to Yale, drop out after one semester because though I'm the most brilliant I'm a slacker and consider myself above it, then finish at community college?
And am I allowed to preselect boyfriends based on those who will cheat on me?
Finally, these all seem to suggest my career must inevitably end early. Can't I be a Bohemian until I've saved enough to retire comfortably on?
Posts: 1735 | Registered: Oct 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
Theater technology wouldn't be bad. And of course Berkely and Cornell are also options. I reccodmend IMing jt stryker if you are interested in theater tech or being a roadie with a band, he can set you up (he also knows some awesome bohemianish gay guys, and probably could set you up with them).
Posts: 5362 | Registered: Apr 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
Oh, that would be good. Anyone know his AIM screen name?
And by the way, what about regular theater? I'm a fairly good actor, but I always fail in Tech due to my deep-seated clumsiness.
Posts: 1735 | Registered: Oct 2004
| IP: Logged |
quote: But if I graduate at the top of my class from Yale, won't I get a job somewhere suited to those talents? Doesn't it work better if, for instance, I go to Yale, drop out after one semester because though I'm the most brilliant I'm a slacker and consider myself above it, then finish at community college?
You might think so, but this is the path taken by slackers, not sterotypical bohemians. Slackers eventually go on to form software companies and/or be pressed into government service as part of a shadow war against devious multinational corporations. Bohemians, on the other hand, require a degree which does them no good whatsoever.
quote:And am I allowed to preselect boyfriends based on those who will cheat on me?
Yes. This is true even if you are not gay. In general, your first relationship as a bohemian should be so bad that everyone around you is convinced that it's doomed to fail. You should be the only one blind to this fact.
quote: Finally, these all seem to suggest my career must inevitably end early. Can't I be a Bohemian until I've saved enough to retire comfortably on?
There are two paths for the lifelong Bohemian: 1) A tragicomic figure of fun for the local community. You will own one suit, and it will be in some garish color like canary yellow or traffic-cone orange. You will play a woodwind of some kind, and will carry it with you everywhere. You may talk to pigeons, and will almost certainly die in some public place after ranting about the horrible things the government has been beaming into your head.
2) A wise janitor. Younger bohemians will always look to you for advice and guidance, and you will always dispense it with equal parts of ascerbic wit and disarming charm. You must have read the Bible, the Discourses, and a great deal of Walt Whitman. Bonus janitor points if you read them in their original languages -- except the Whitman, which you prefer to quote in Japanese.
In both these scenarios, it will likely be discovered after your death that you had hundreds of thousands of dollars stuffed into your mattress, saved over a lifetime of woodwind playing or janitoring. You will not, however, have retired before dying.
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
| IP: Logged |
posted
I'll take the janitor route. I've already fulfilled some of the requirements.
It seems it would be cheating to choose my boyfriends on that basis. It seems I have to be ignorant of the fact they're hussies. And as for their deaths . . . to save myself from death by dramatic necessity, am I allowed to kill my ex rather than waiting for him to die slowly?
Oh gaw--what if I cheat on him?
Posts: 1735 | Registered: Oct 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
It's a stepping stone. But if you used your English major to get a job in teaching, technical writing, copy editing, or human resources, you aren't a Bohemian.
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
| IP: Logged |
posted
You can only be haughty and unbalanced if you are not the writer. The writer is always passive-aggressive, withdrawn, and secretly wishing he were as witty and popular in real life. You could be an interpretive dancer.
But keep in mind: if you are a Bohemian other than the writer, you are at great risk of having truly terrible things happen to you. The only one who escapes this fate is the writer.
As a haughty, unbalanced gay interpretive dancer, you would be almost certain to die of disease if you're a racial minority. If not, you will either overdose on heroin or be beaten by neo-nazi thugs.
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
| IP: Logged |
posted
People would accuse you of ripping off Rent. But it would be hugely successful, provided the girls were hot.
That said, you're getting into highly experimental ground, here. I'd be very nervous about trying to subvert the system by inverting the narrative like that. If the gay interpretive dancer doesn't die, who knows what kind of horrible residual effects that would have? Maybe all the neo-Nazis would become slutty pagan alcoholics.
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
| IP: Logged |
posted
I was also, just once, the dark janitor of the apocalypse. But that was only in a role-playing game, which I'm told is different from real life.*
--Enigmatic
*The difference being a lack of class-balance in the latter.
Posts: 2715 | Registered: Apr 2005
| IP: Logged |
Printer-friendly view of this topic
![[Mad]](mad.gif)
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
