Things not going your way? Looking for a quick fix?
Of course you are. Search no further. I am here to help YOU.
Unlike my silent counter-part, I hate to see all the pain and suffering in the world. It breaks my heart to know someone doesn't have the sports car he wants, or can't carry out revenge on his enemies, or can't force that slut to fall in love with him so that he can finally achieve life's ultimate goal of nailing her.
So let me lift the weight off your shoulders. Allow me to grant your heart's desires. I want to do it, but I can't unless you just promise to let me have your soul when you die.
Think of yourself as the spiritual equivalent of an organ-donor, you really are helping a great cause.
Some commonly asked questions:
Is this for real?
Totally.
Satan, I don't believe souls exist, can I still sell "mine"?
Hahaha, of course you can you short-sighted fool. I asure you, you are ripping me off BIG TIME.
But Satan, won't I need my soul in the after life
Not really, no.
I'm pretty sure God said something about ever-lasting life and souls and stuff.
Yea, ok, he did.
Buuuuut, see this? It's a check for a million bucks. Go on take it. Take it. No one's looking, it'll just be our little secret. There you go. Soul shmoul, right?
Posts: 109 | Registered: Nov 1999
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Well, actually the real Satan probably would just take your soul and run. He is the Prince of Lies. Or is he the Father of Lies? I always get those confused...
Posts: 1423 | Registered: Sep 2003
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Done, you can now play the guitar like Ralph Macchio!
Not having any clue who Ralph Macchio is, I just went out and found the first guy with that name. I don't know why you want to play like him, though, he stinks!
Oh well, thank you for your business.
Posts: 109 | Registered: Nov 1999
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quote:He is the Prince of Lies. Or is he the Father of Lies? I always get those confused...
This is what I call the Quaddafi effect. I mean the guy is in charge of Libya and can do whatever he wants, and only makes himself a Colonel. Go figure. Same difference with Satan, he rules Hell and only makes himself a Prince.
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hey Satan, what do you want for breyerchick and Phanto's souls? I'll make you a good deal on 'em.
Posts: 4089 | Registered: Apr 2003
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quote:Women go crazy for princes, more attainable, and younger too.
Yeah but you should have made yourself a Baron or a Lord Those titles imply power. Being a prince sort of makes me think of Prince Charles and his two sons.
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Um, being that gold and naked women are usually heavy, I would be pleased to simply be presented with gold and naked women. I mean, if I was going to die, being crushed by nude models and gold doubloons is up there on my list of ways to go, but otherwise, having a truckful of both commodities driven up to the front of my house is preferrable.
But are we good on the whole psychic powers thing?
Posts: 2258 | Registered: Aug 2003
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You can sell me your bosses soul if your boss has given you his soul. I'm afraid there's just no way around that.
Believe me, if I could do it without the consent of the soul-owner it would make my a job A LOT easier, but I just can't.
Posts: 109 | Registered: Nov 1999
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quote:Originally posted by Book: Um, being that gold and naked women are usually heavy, I would be pleased to simply be presented with gold and naked women. I mean, if I was going to die, being crushed by nude models and gold doubloons is up there on my list of ways to go, but otherwise, having a truckful of both commodities driven up to the front of my house is preferrable.
But are we good on the whole psychic powers thing?
Hahaha, the "shower" part was a metaphor, simply a metaphor. You frustratingly careful human, you.
Very well, it will presented to you, along with the psychic powers, for the price of two souls.
Posts: 109 | Registered: Nov 1999
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quote:Originally posted by rivka: If I sold my soul for some soul food, would I be able to enjoy it?
You would enjoy it even MORE. Your soul doesn't leave you until you die, and you've got free "soul food".
Posts: 109 | Registered: Nov 1999
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Oh you poor punners, never realising how much God hates you, you just play further and further into my hands.
Posts: 109 | Registered: Nov 1999
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If I were to truly give up my soul it would have to be for something really COOL. Ummm.... OK. You accept Christ as the saviour and repent your sins and kiss and make-up with you know who. You do that and my soul is yours. Posts: 2022 | Registered: Mar 2004
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quote:I want to play the guitar really good, like Ralph Macchio.
"Well, I had to be at the crossroads last night to sell my soul to the devil." "What'd he give you?" "Well, he taught me to play this here guitar real good." "Oh, son, for that you traded your everlasting soul?" "Well, I wasn't usin' it!"
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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