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Okay. Jexx has likened me to a cat, especially when it comes to any type of physical affection. Meaning, if you seek me out to give me a hug, I tend to not want said hug. Any type of physical affection (such as hugs) I have to initiate. If I do initate said hug, and the hug recipient attempts to prolong the hug for longer than I am comfortable, I tend to get squirmy and argue.
Nathan has never had a cat. He is the type of person (he just admitted this) that WILL chase down a cat to pet and hold said cat. In other words, he needs to know how to treat a cat for maximum happiness for him and said cat.
Posts: 14745 | Registered: Dec 1999
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I kind of feel like a cat at times. Either a cat or a rabbit. Rabbits in the wild and at home are territorial and they like to have their own little safe space to feel safe in. Cats are independent, willful for the most part and like to do their own thing. I know I hate being told what to do, doing anything that is lame or tedious or having someone impose their will on me. I also sometimes dislike being touched like a wild cat or an unsocialized rabbit. But, if it's the right person I don't mind, I just will not initiate contact.
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But I'm quietly fiesty. I really don't see much wrong with it, but I think my pyschologist may thing otherwise.... I just want to have my cake and eat it too ^^.
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Nathan, if she arches her back and presents her posterior when you pet her, that's a good sign.
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And despite what others may say, it is perfectly normal for grown women to have tails and fur.
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Careful, Nathan. If she gets too skittish she'll hide up in the ceiling tiles and you'll never get her down.
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My daughter is like, you, Mack. She has been since birth. I always wondered what the heck people meant when they talked about holding their babies to comfort them.
Huh?
You bounce them and take them in the car and pt them in the backpack! I remember when she was about six months old, I could hold her in any direction, and she would retain her arms-out stance. Sometimes, I picked her up when she was asleep, just so I could cuddle her without resistance.
When I had my son, I understood. He would calm the instant anyone held him close. He is still that way at eight. She has learned the pre-asking-for-something hug. She has that one down very well.
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what if your cat forces you to be next to it for a prolonged period of time everytime he relizes that you were gone but are back now, like to the store.
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Whenever I sat down my cat would jump in my lap and demand at least 20 minutes of snuggling nap time. It doesn't matter if I was eating dinner or playing Starcraft. If I presented him with an opening, he will get his snuggle time. Any attempt to dislodge the poor soul before he had enough is met with indignant protest and soulful stares across the room.
I also walked my cat like a dog. He will follow me everywhere around the park (I lived in a gated community) and he even waits for me by the garage when I came home from grocery shopping. *sigh*
I guess I was a spoiled human.
[ March 13, 2005, 12:09 PM: Message edited by: Beren One Hand ]
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quote: If your cat lets you hang out in the same room, it likes you.
If your cat lets you sit next to it on the couch, it loves you.
If your cat lets you sleep next to it on your bed, it adores you.
If your cat lets you pet it whenever you want, you don't really have a cat.
This is so true. My cat is very much a people cat, but always on his terms. He sometimes wants to be petted, and in fact YOU WILL PET HIM RIGHT NOW!!, but only so many times. And if you give him one pet too many he bites you and skulks away to something (or someone) more agreeable. We're fortunate that he permits us to habitate in his house, and occasionally he graces us with his presence or by allowing us the privelege of feeding him or touching him.
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I have to note here that compromise only works if both parties are compromising. If Nathan needs more physical contact than you're comfortable with, perhaps you could both work towards the middle?
Oh, and I can purr, too.
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My cat gets upset and won't leave you alone if she feels that you have 1)not pet her or 2)not played with her within what she sees an acceptable amount of time. However what she sees as an acceptable amount of time is approximately 5 minutes.
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quote: If your cat lets you hang out in the same room, it likes you.
If your cat lets you sit next to it on the couch, it loves you.
If your cat lets you sleep next to it on your bed, it adores you.
Totally me.
ElJay, I do, because I know he's a very tactile person. But sometimes it can just be too much for me, overstimulation or something. I can't explain it exactly, but it almost hurts in some sort of psychological/physical way.
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:)That I understand... I thought you were probably aware of it, but figured I should mention it, just in case.
As far as the overstimulation thing... I'm very ticklish, and have pretty sensitive skin. No matter how affectionate I'm feeling, there are totally times when I need a break and not to be touched. I had one boyfriend who, when holding hands, would rub his thumb back and forth on my skin, in the exact same spot. It would quickly feel like sandpaper. Water torture. And we talked about it, but it was an unconcious thing for him, so he never realized when he started doing it. Drove me batty.
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When I'm sick, especially with a fever, I can't stand to be touched. It's like my skin is raw and open or something, another person touching me hurts or bothers me immensely.
So, I can understand if you're a person that feels like that a lot, it can be frustrating.
How about positions that involve contact but don't feel like active touching to you?
No, people, not those kinds of positions.
I'm talking about watching tv or something, can you sit together, with you leaning up against him and/or lying down with your head against his shoulder? It's still contact, it's still sharing body heat and all the tactile stuff that goes with it but it's in a more passive way.
It doesn't feel confining for you, you can get up at any time, and yet he's got you close to him, which satisfies his desire to be more physically comforted.
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I am most comfortable in a conversation if the other person is at least a ding room table's length awa. Close talkers are the bane of my existence. I start to feel the way you describe, Mack.
I am forty-one, and my grandmother still pinches my rear. I can't freakin stand it! So I am very respectful of my daughter's need for distance, though there are times I just want to scoop her up.
Posts: 10890 | Registered: May 2003
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That's good, Elizabeth. My mother has never been very respectful of my need for distance. She's never really understood that I might not want my bedroom door opened without knocking and waiting for an answer, nor that just because she wants to hug me, that I want to be hugged right then. If she feels me resisting, she hugs tighter. That's made me rather allergic to being hugged by her at ANY time, now. I think she partly gets it now, but since she only sees me about twice a year now, she continues during those visits anyway.
Hey, does anyone else's cat do this? Mine will jump up on my shoulder from the floor so his front paws and head are in front then he peers forward to see what I'm up to. He likes to do that especially often when I am cooking over the hot stove or doing dishes. I'll dump him in a chair after a couple minutes but he'll do it over and over and over.
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Hey mack, I know exactly what you are talking about. My boyfriend is the happy yellow lab type. He doesnt see boundaries to physical contact. To him, as to many people, constant cuddling is a good thing. I'm the type of person who has to seriously consider it before I hug a guy I'm dating. And it might take a couple months to get to the hand holding stage. I just dont like contact that I havent initiated. And I like cuddling, but generally only for a 10 minute period or less, depending on how restless I am. Spooning just drives me crazy. So, we compromise. I consciously think about touching him more often, often just by scratching his head or rubbing his neck. When we are lying in bed, I will always have at least a foot or hand touching some part of him( ). And, in return, he no longer jumps on the bed like a puppy, expecting some love. Well, at least not as often.
God, this post sounds dirty. But we are only talking about TOUCHING here, just simple touching .
Posts: 499 | Registered: Mar 2004
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quote:just because she wants to hug me, that I want to be hugged right then. If she feels me resisting, she hugs tighter.
This drives me up a wall. Especially when I'm in the middle of something and it stops or slows me down. I'm busy!
Belle, yeah, passive touch is much better, especially when I'm not held in it. We usually sit next to each other on the couch until he's gotten so close that he's peering over my shoulder and reading everything. That annoys the crap out of me. He doesn't MEAN to do it, and I understand that and don't get mad, but I do get up and go over to the other chair so I can get whatever I'm working on done.
Posts: 14745 | Registered: Dec 1999
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Nathan's brain: "Touch me! Touch me! Hello!? Do you see me!? Touch me!! Why are you not touching me! HUG ME NOW!!!!! She hugged me! I'm going to hug her back, and touch her, and hug her some more! Ok, she said to stop. Darn. Need touch. Touch me. Touch me. TOUCH ME!!! Crap, can't take it any more!! I'm going to hug you!! And hug you again. And again. Because thats how I like it, so you must like lots of hugs too!"
I do try to avoid that, though. Posts: 9754 | Registered: Jul 2002
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Heh, you should have seen me interact with Jexx's dog.
Dog: "Hello, I would like some attention." Nathan: "Hey there, Rocky, how's it going!" Dog: "Nathan!! Hi!! Lets play!" Nathan: "Hey Rocky, you wanna play!" Dog: "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSS!!" Nathan: "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!!" Dog: "He's playing with me!" Nathan: "Hey, you're jumping on me!" Dog: "No, I'm playing." Nathan: "You're a big dog. Get down." Dog: "AWWWWWWWWWWWW." Nathan: ::Scratches head::
posted
I have this problem with Ken, too. I have no problems initiating contact, but having him initiate it drives me up the wall. So I try to touch him more than I would normally, and try to tolerate it when he does initiate it.
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Given time, you both will adjust your need/not need for touchiness - I think. This is based on my own experience, so take it for what it's worth. Mr. Opera likes to snuggle a lot no matter what; I like to snuggle only when I want to snuggle. We've been married for 4 years, and I honestly think we've both just kind of met in the middle.
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It's interesting how this is breaking down into male versus female. I'm a very tactile male and love to express myself through touch and to be touched, yet the women that I've dated have never had that level of kinesthetic expression.
Posts: 13123 | Registered: Feb 2002
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Huh. I wonder if it's statistically signifant, gender has a higher correlation with being tactile and not being tactile.
Posts: 14745 | Registered: Dec 1999
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I love affection from my man - can't get enough of it. From everyone else - you'd better check to see if I'm in receiving mode or not. But him - he wants it when he wants it, and I can otherwise just go do something else.
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okay... are you people talking about your cats or your boy/girlfriends? Either way my cat (which we umm haven't gotten around to naming) is loud! he'll mew, then do it again in 2 seconds but twice as loud and will get louder and louder until we a) pet it b) feed it c) put it outside to use the toilet.
and it also keeps trying to rape the female cut in the house but she's nuitered so it doesn't really mean anything... Posts: 1567 | Registered: Oct 2004
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Male cats who are not neutered spray much more frequently than males who are, along with many more problems they cause, so you may want to consider having that done soon, Sid.
But yeah, we had digressed. Posts: 8355 | Registered: Apr 2003
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quote: Does anyone else besides me know how to purr?
Yup, I make a very cat-like purr. But it kinda hurts my throat after awhile and doesn't have a lot of volume. And it doesn't make my whole ribcage vibrate the way a cat's does. Now *that* would be cool.
Posts: 7050 | Registered: Feb 2004
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quote:As far as the overstimulation thing... I'm very ticklish, and have pretty sensitive skin. No matter how affectionate I'm feeling, there are totally times when I need a break and not to be touched. I had one boyfriend who, when holding hands, would rub his thumb back and forth on my skin, in the exact same spot. It would quickly feel like sandpaper. Water torture. And we talked about it, but it was an unconcious thing for him, so he never realized when he started doing it. Drove me batty.
My Dad does this to my Mom! Well, I think he is "better" about it now, but he did it a lot when they were dating. It really wigged her out.
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