quote:The following morn I will wake with a head So much wiser than what it is now, Yet the regular man, so the group – such the clan, Will not worry when, where, what or how.
My father alerted mt that "regular" can be interpreted as one who has his defecation working perfectly fine; in other words, no constipation diarrhoea.
Is this true? I prefer "regular" to "ordinary", in this case. But, if it is inferred so, I'd rather change it. ---
Also, is it appropriate to change the rhyming scheme? All stanzas' rhymes in that poem are:
A B A B
Except for the last one, which is:
A B CC B
Is this okay and common, if I like to write older-style poetry?
posted
You've never seen those fiber supplement commercials about how they "keep you regular"?
Yes, regular means that. But I didn't think of it when I read it. However, I didn't really know what you were talking about there; it took me 4 reads to understand it. So you may want to re-write in clearer language anyway.
I have followed my heart to a place of no light, And I washed in the Pool of Despair; And thus, I will always be deep in the night, I will rot with my soul deep in there.
I have looked through the Cave of the Nothingness once, And have carried my fears alone; And now with those fears I sense it’s a trance, And I tremble so deep in the bone.
As I wander the alleys in lands oh, so dark, As I trot on the blown away sand, I fear that I’ll not return to be stark: My Sisyphean fears at hand.
I know now what Hades had felt in his heart, And I now sense these fears are true; I know as the storm ends, a new one will start, And the grey will then cover the blue.
The following morn I will wake with a head So much wiser than what it is now, Yet the regular man, so the group – such the clan, Will not worry when, where, what or how.
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posted
I still just don't really see where you're going with that line. It weakens the poem, I think you should change it to something else that expresses your theme more clearly.
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"The following morn" - a futuristic summary; "I will wake with a head so much wiser than what it is now" - this shows that it's all a dream or a nightly rhapsody, and that the whole loneliness showed me the ways of the wise.
"Yet the regular man" - showing that this wisdom applies not to any standard person. "Ao the group - such the clan" - if you want the widom, you must search it yourself, without any grouplike thoughts. "Will not worry when, where, what or how" - which shows you that those who did not 'get wisdom' will not care; otherwise they'd search it.
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