posted
Well, this has been a really tough Christmas season for me, and it has only gotten worse the past few days.
My wife, JenniK, has a friend at her work named A. A just had a baby boy, Jacob, but he was very, very premature, and had major medical problems. A lot of his organs weren't even completely developed, but the doctors did everything in their power to save him. Jenni got the Rainbow girls to sell home made candies that A made for $1 each, and two Masonic Lodges donated money, all so that these two young people could go visit their sick son on the weekends in Boston. We had a lot of people hoping and praying for him, and we did what we could.
But a few days ago he died.
Now all that money will be for funeral expenses rather than for travel.
And that will be the last child they will ever be able to have. It almost killed her, and she will have the same problem again if they keep trying to have children.
All the people in the world that SHOULD NOT have children, who beat and otherwise abuse them....and these two wonderful people can't EVER have one again.
Then I got a call from my Mom today. She received a call from an old family friend because this woman, Jean, had gotten a card from my Mom for Christmas. They were talking about old times, and Jean said " It is too bad Chrissy isn't here with us anymore.".
Chrissy King was my Mom's best friend when we lived in PA (until I was 6), and her kids were like my Mom's own. Eddie, her oldest son, was my best friend growing up, and when we would travel into town from MI after we had moved we always made sure to stop and see them. For years after I had moved I would just drop in when I was in town and suprise them.
My Mom and Chrissy had a very serious falling out years ago, and my Mom cut off all contact. She still sent Christmas cards, and birthday cards, but that was all. I can't even blame her, what happened was pretty serious....but not my tale to tell.
But Mom would always let me drive in to the old neighborhood and see them, usually with my sister, even though she didn't want to go herself.
Years past quickly, and I never did keep up the contact...but I would stop in a couple times a year, as a surprise. The past 4-5 years though, I have not gone into PA, so I haven't seen them.
So Jean said to my Mom, " Eddie didn't call and tell you?".
Chrissy died 3 years ago.
I love Christmas, but this year I was already out of sorts. My wife has to work on Christmas, and this is the last year my parents will live within 1000 miles of where I live, as they are retiring next year and relocating to AZ (Winter)and MI (Summer). I have spent every single Christmas with them....but this year no one can get together until New Years Day....and even them my sister, BIL, and 2 year old niece may not make it.
Now I find out someone who treated me like her own son has been dead for 3 years. Now I know why all my Christmas cards were returned....I thought she might have moved.
And a child, not even 3 months old, died, despite all efforts to prevent it.
posted
I'm really sorry Kwea. My great aunt died of cancer not that long ago and my Grandpa got lung cancer,again, and i thought i had it bad, but apparently not. I would give you hug but thay wouldn't work.
Posts: 6026 | Registered: Dec 2004
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posted
Even though it doesn't work, ((kwea)). Christmas can be a really tough season for bad things to happen, because it is compounded by the fact that you're supposed to be happy an joyful. There is nothing to say to comfort to parents and friends who are grieving for the loss of a child, so I won't try. I will say, though, that they don't need to exacerbate their grief with thoughts of never being able to have children again. Though it may be impossible to do so "naturally," the miracle of adoption makes it possible for ALL parents to have a family.
Posts: 786 | Registered: Jun 2003
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posted
IVF, surrogate mother? Some problems you can chuck money at, assuming of course that you have money. Or, yes, there's adoption.
Posts: 10645 | Registered: Jul 2004
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posted
Thanks guys.....I don't really feel better yet, but I am sure I will eventually. It just hit all of the sunned, you know....within 3 days of each other.
Jenni had a picture of Jacob up at home, and had been raising money for his parents. A was going to see candy, but JenniK had an idea and mentioned it to the Rainbow Girls in her chapter....the Masons on the Advisory Board heard her talking about it and without even pausing offered $100 total as a contributions, and ordered a bunch of candies to sell at their meetings as well. Mind you, they have never even met A or her husband, but they believed JenniK when she spoke about them at the meeting....they aren't masons or affiliated with the Lodges at all.
That is why it was so hard.....we were all trying to help however we could.
A was flabbergasted when JenniK told her about tho offers of help. Also, JenniK's mom was selling candy as well at her church and a complete stranger walked up and handed Charlotte a $100 bill....Charlotte raised $130 in less than 20 minutes that day.
The next day he died.
Thanks for all the hugs and well wishes, but I will be OK. Please keep A and her family in your thought and prayers, though...they are the ones who really need it, you know....
quote: Thanks for all the hugs and well wishes, but I will be OK. Please keep A and her family in your thought and prayers, though...they are the ones who really need it, you know....
posted
Kwea, I am so sorry. I hope you end up having a better time than you thought. I am certainly feeling very happy to be here this Christmas, and home with my family. This is a hard time of year for many people.
Posts: 10890 | Registered: May 2003
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((Kwea)) I'm sorry these sad things are happening in your life right now. I'll keep you and that couple in my thoughts.
Posts: 957 | Registered: Aug 2002
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I'm sorry, Kwea. That's an awful lot of bad things all at once. I hope your holiday is still as happy as possible. And remember, even a child who isn't in this world long has an impact. One day, when the pain isn't so great, everyone who knew him and his parents will look back and see what wonderful things happened as the result of his life - like total strangers and friends alike giving of their hearts.
posted
I got freaked for a moment, Kwea, since my brother and sister-in-law just had a baby a couple months ago, named Jacob, who was eight weeks premature. I was seriously afraid that you knew something I hadn't heard yet. Luckily, that Jacob is ok.
That said, I only have the slightest inkling of what you and your friends and family must be going through. I can't say much other than I'm sorry, and I hope things get better. You (and A & family) will be in our thoughts and prayers.
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I am sorry Kwea I hope your Christmas gets better. I will keep A, A's family and you in my thoughts and prayers.
Posts: 1015 | Registered: Aug 2004
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Aye aye aye. That sucks. But they could still raise a kid, even though it isn't their own. They could adopt. My mom's college room mate(every time I say that I can't help but think of Spaceballs... "Lonestar, I was your fathers, aunt's, friend's, wife's, college roommate!") who lives like a block away from us and her husband had to adopt. They've adopted two sons, one I've known longer than I've know my brother (he's about a year older). They're both awesome kids and that family is really happy. So not all is lost for them.
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Yeah, but try to tell tehm that now, when they have always wanted their own shild. Not that an adopted child wouldn't be their own, but it isn't the time to think of that yet.
Time to greive.
As far as other choices, the problem isn't with conciving, it is with carriny to term, and the genitic disposition for the same condition in the other shildren. There MAY be other options, but that isn't my tale to tell either. I was a bit uncomfortable posting what I did, which is why I didn't use their real names (other than Jacob's)....out of respect.
Papa...I am glad that it wasn't your Jacob...this Jacob was born a lot earlier though...somwhere into the end of the third/beginnig of the fourth month, which is why he had so little chance of survival in the first place.
A just came back to work today, and Jenni gave her a sympathy cared and the envolope of donations....over $240, with about $100 more to come at the least.....and A almost burst into tears.
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Kwea, I'll keep the family in my prayers. I know what it's like to lose a baby you so desperately want and my heart goes out to them.
Posts: 3037 | Registered: Jan 2002
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Kwea, I hope everything works out for the best and will keep you in my thoughts. I hope that the spirit of Christmas finds you and your family well and that you can make this holiday season one to enjoy the best that you can.
Posts: 1870 | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
The baby boy is named Ethan Perry (last name withheld to protect the guilty... ), and he was 8 lbs 10 oz, and 21 inches long.
I went to church tonight with my wife and her family, adn heard Jenni sing. It feels a little bit more like Christmas after that, although not like it usually is for me.
I miss my family, but I am looking forward to seeing them on New Years day...Jenni and I have the whole weekend off, so we are going down there to see them.
Thanks again for the hugs and well-wishings....they did help a bit.
Also, a few people have e-mailed me to make sure I was OK. I am a bit down, and it has been a tough Christmas season for me and Jenni with everything that has happened, but we are both fine. Notice the thread title..
A good year indeed. My first year of married life, and sucessful surgeries on multiple family memebers.....my mom has regained feeling in her feet after years of problems, and my MIL has recovered from multiple problems and surgeries....
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), and he was 8 lbs 10 oz, and 21 inches long.
