May 30th: Just moved to Arizona. Now this is a state that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! It is beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.
June 14th: Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshipper.
June 30th: Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
July 10th: The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least its kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.
July 15th: Fell asleep by the community pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body). Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
July 20th: I missed Lomita (my cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car at noon, Lomita had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the upholstery. The car now smells like Kibbles and s@#!s. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.
July 25th: The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!! And it's hot as he!!. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.
July 30th: Been sleeping outside on the patio for 3 nights now. $225,000 house and I can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?
Aug. 4th: It's 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 85. I hate this stupid state.
Aug. 8th: If another wise a@@ cracks, 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm going to strangle him. Da%# heat. By the time I get to work the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!
Aug. 9th: Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and when I sat on the seats in the car, I thought my a@@ was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and a@@. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried a@@, and baked cat.
Aug 10th: The weather report might as well be a da%# recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do s@!$ for 2 da#% months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this da#% desert? Water rationing will be next, so my $1700 worth of cactus will just dry up and blow away. Even the cactus can't live in this da%# heat.
Aug. 14th: Welcome to He!! Temperature got to 115 today. Forgot to crack the window and blew the da%# windshield of the car. The installer came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My sister had to spend $1500 to bail me out of jail. Freaking Arizona. What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here??
Will write later to let you know how the trial goes."
[ December 19, 2004, 03:55 AM: Message edited by: Stan the man ]
Posts: 2208 | Registered: Feb 2004
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A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work.
Unknown to her,her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. The boy now has company.
boy: "dark in here"
man:"yes, it is"
boy: "I have a baseball"
man: "that's nice"
boy: "want to buy it?"
man : "no thanks"
boy: "my dad's outside:
man: " Ok, how much?"
boy: "$250."
In the next few weeks, it happens again, boy & mom's lover are in the closet together.
boy: "dark in here"
man: "yes, it is"
boy: "I have a baseball glove"
man: " how much?"
boy: "$750."
man: "fine"
A few days later, the father say's to the boy, "grab your glove let's go outside & toss the baseball."
The boy says, " I can't I sold them."
The father asks, " How much did you sell them for?"
The son says, "$1000."
The father says, " Thats terrible to overcharge your friends like that. Thats way more than those things cost. I'm going to take you to church & make you confess."
They go to the church & the father alerts the priest, & makes his little boy sit in the confession booth & closes the door.
The boy says, " Dark in here"
The priest says, "Don't start that again."
Posts: 2208 | Registered: Feb 2004
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