posted
I'm trying to write an over-verbosely done stylonary, preferably as humorous as possible. My current results are the following:
I am hungry – I hereby declare from the heights of this <location> that my own self is currently experiencing the tender sensation of being slightly motivated to be feeling peckish.
You suck – The actual worth of you whole being is not quite as valuable as the energy required to calculate it.
I lost my key – Alas, the recent occasions that have unfortunately happened in this recent period of sincere devastation have caused the horrible accident, clearly resulting in the lack of straightforward streaming correspondence of both our parties; resulting in a gruesome result of colourless communication systems between the parties mentioned earlier, overwhelmed by eccentricities. Therefore, miscalculation amongst us; resulting in terrible lack of flowing ideologies connecting the minds of the parties. Thus, it will be causing eventual rage forming due to problematic communication in our own lovely, gorgeous nation of <Name>. (Note: In the UK it is: “in Her Majesty’s United Kingdom of Great Britain, Northern Ireland and the long-lost Territories of the 19th Century to the birth of our Lord, Jesus Christ of Nazareth.”)
I’m in love with her – She is the one who causes my un-tuned heartstrings to be played in Pizzicato mode.
I’m sick – My own glorious self is currently experiencing certain incompatibilities between particular molecular processes occurring within myself, causing unbearable situations.
You don’t get me, right? – This is no ostentation, my fellow comrades, nor is this exquisitely pretentious; as much as a peripatetic I may be, my verboseness is not an attempt to prove myself over-sophisticated in my upholstery when eccentric over-doings of mine are occipital. Am I obtenebrating your comprehensiveness? It seems to me like you all are as knowledgeable as Ornithoscelidans, your sardonyx brain cells are equidifferently, pleomorphicly, fading to the shade of nothingness. I am speaking unconstitutionally to your unconsciousness; and yet, as preposterous as this text may seem, it is an albastrum to your imperceptive interpretation. If these formidolous words interrogate your sensibility and your fear, allowing almighty, omnipotent fear to overhaul your personality – you know I have beaten you.
Any recommendations on how to cause even MORE redundancy, useless terminology, implementing it, and confusing your own friends? Thanks!
posted
Sadly, while you're adequately redundant and verbose, you're also agrammatical -- which, IMO, kills the joke. This kind of humor is dramatically improved by the correct use of the English language, however obscure.
posted
The one about the key does not actually communicate "I lost my keys." Surely obfuscating to the point of not including the original message is no challenge? You might as well do thusly :
I lost my keys - Up yours.
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