posted
Hey ya'll, I'm looking for advice on an email I'm thinking of sending to my professor. It's probably rambling way too much right now. He's a good professor. He has high standards, but also seems to be compassionate. I'm not looking for a free ride in anyway. The wording for receiving an incomplete includes illness, but makes no mention of depression. I also am suffering from a bad infection. Normally, I wouldn't even think to ask for an incomplete based on the usual depression, but I really think this is clinical. So, opinions on my letter would be much appreciated. Feel free to tell me where more detail is needed and where I have gone off on an unnecessary tangent.
Thanks!
-Katarain
Letter:
quote: Dr. Professor,
This is not a letter that I want to write. While I hope that I will need an incomplete at this point, I do feel that it is a definite possibility. I am going to outline my reasons for requesting an incomplete, but I ask that you not answer until the near the end of the semester when papers are due. The reason for this will become clear in my following explanation.
This semester, I have been suffering from an unusual (for me) depression. There have been many contributing factors, both circumstantial and, I believe, medical. As you probably remember, I have been searching for a job as the sole earner in my family. This alone has been extremely stressful as my husband and I bounce back and forth from being current with our bills when our student loans arrive to being behind just a few months later. I never planned to rely solely on student loans, and for good reason. They simply aren't enough. I had no choice but to stop paying my credit cards several months ago, so am harassed by a ringing phone seemingly constantly. My husband, due to his own health problems, has been unable to search for work. We decided that since I have the night classes, I am the only one who can maintain full-time employment, at least while we are in school. As you can probably imagine, the job search, which has been fruitless thus far, has been extremely stressful. I won't say that this alone would qualify me to receive an incomplete grade, although the amount of distraction it has provided me is substantial and the contribution to my depression has been monumental.
In addition to this, I found out last week that I have had a very bad infection in my body for a long time. Since then, I've started medication, which often makes me nauseous and sick-feeling. I realize now that I've been feeling the effects of the infection for months now, as it has been causing extreme fatigue. (I don't mind sharing more details of the infection. It is not embarrassing, but I'm not sure what would be considered too much information and I want to avoid going into a medically-detailed and unasked-for description.) The medicine seems to be slow acting since I am still experiencing symptoms, and I'm quite sure that the first round of antibiotics will not take care of the problem, as the last time I thought the antibiotics had done their job only to find out last week that not only did they not work, but I had only gotten much worse.
Both of these things have contributed to my subsequent depression. Depression is a funny thing. I'm not sure if it came first and was added to by stresses, or if it came about because of the stresses. I know something is wrong with me because I've never experienced feelings and behavior in myself that I have experienced for several of the last few months. I can't say that I have never procrastinated. On the contrary, I was quite adept in college at procrastinating, while always reserving for myself enough time to complete assignments. I made very good grades. That is normal behavior. Now, however, I am struck at my lack of motivation--but at the same time, I care about my grades and learning. Where before I had the mental fortitude to force myself to work, I seem to be lacking much of that skill. I feel as if there is some sort of wall in my brain preventing me from operating correctly. And then, when I do force myself to work, I find it incredibly difficult to concentrate and fully understand what I'm studying. This is the part that I readily blame on myself, because no outside cause can fairly be blamed, but I have no idea how to fix it. Perhaps it has to do with associating non-school-related stresses with the area in which I work at home. I'm no psychologist. I don't understand it.
All I know is that I have definitely been suffering from depression. All of the above, plus changing my birth control prescription to something cheap 1 1/2 months ago has increased my depression at the very least for 1 week. If it is still contributing, I don't know. I am to the point of utter desperation in regards to both my grades and financial situation. It is the financial situation, though, that petrifies me the most and that stress leaks over into my school performance. I am quite positive that if I had the money to see a psychiatrist, he would diagnose me with clinical depression. It feels different from the usual temporary depression. It feels chemical and unbeatable.
I don't want to need an incomplete. I want to take the next two weeks and concentrate hard on the papers I have to write, and manage to write the stellar work that I believe I am capable of. That's why I asked at the beginning of this email that you not notify me of your decision regarding giving me an incomplete until it is clear that I really need one. I am hoping that the motivation that has come to me for years before deadlines will return, although it has managed to evade me for weeks now of important work. And if I know that I have an incomplete, I'm afraid it won't come. It seems foolhardy, though, to not at least apprise you of my situation now and let you review the possibility of an incomplete grade. I believe I have done some good work in your class and learned a lot that I don't want to go to waste with a failing grade.
Thank you for considering this matter. If you think it would be better, please tell me your decision regarding this matter sooner than the end of the term. I don't exactly trust my judgement at this point of time.
quote: Both of these things have contributed to my subsequent depression. Depression is a funny thing. I'm not sure if it came first and was added to by stresses, or if it came about because of the stresses. I know something is wrong with me because I've never experienced feelings and behavior in myself that I have experienced for several of the last few months. I can't say that I have never procrastinated. On the contrary, I was quite adept in college at procrastinating, while always reserving for myself enough time to complete assignments. I made very good grades. That is normal behavior. Now, however, I am struck at my lack of motivation--but at the same time, I care about my grades and learning. Where before I had the mental fortitude to force myself to work, I seem to be lacking much of that skill. I feel as if there is some sort of wall in my brain preventing me from operating correctly. And then, when I do force myself to work, I find it incredibly difficult to concentrate and fully understand what I'm studying. This is the part that I readily blame on myself, because no outside cause can fairly be blamed, but I have no idea how to fix it. Perhaps it has to do with associating non-school-related stresses with the area in which I work at home. I'm no psychologist. I don't understand it.
All I know is that I have definitely been suffering from depression. All of the above, plus changing my birth control prescription to something cheap 1 1/2 months ago has increased my depression at the very least for 1 week. If it is still contributing, I don't know. I am to the point of utter desperation in regards to both my grades and financial situation. It is the financial situation, though, that petrifies me the most and that stress leaks over into my school performance.
is too detailed.
How familiar are you with your Professor? I guess the level of detail you want to include will depend on the nature of your relationship.
Also, there is a missing "not" in the first paragraph.
That's all I have for now - though I'm sure others will have suggestions. I hope your situation improves and you don't need the incomplete after all. Posts: 4393 | Registered: Aug 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
*nod* I agree with Imogen. Many parts of it are far too detailed unless you're very close to that professor (read - friendship). I would scale it back drastically, including the amount of detail about your financial problems. Granted, I don't know your professor, but most of them I've known simply want a clear, concise explanation of the problem, which would be something like, "Due to severe financial strain and health problems I am unable to complete the coursework at this time....etc." You can also include that you will share more detail if asked. He won't ask. Good luck!
space opera
edit: And definately change the birth control part simply to medication. Don't share more with this prof than you would an employer; it's best to remain professional.
[ November 30, 2004, 07:56 AM: Message edited by: Space Opera ]
Posts: 2578 | Registered: Apr 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
Two things....First, asking that he not reply until papers are due at the end of the semester makes it look like you are hoping to squeek by, and the request is merely "just in case".
Second, I agree that you need to be FAR less detailed about your situation, unless you are friends with this professor....adn even then I would keep most of that private and not in writing.
Good luck, and I hope things go better for you soon...
posted
First, take a deep breath and relax. I had some personal problems in college and was forced to ask for several incompletes during my junior year. All my professors were very understanding and gave me the help I needed.
I'll join the others in pointing out that your letter is way too detailed. All you really need is to say that you and your husband were (are?) sick and provide documentation from the hospital. Maybe a paystub showing that you are a fulltime worker can help as well.
quote:That's why I asked at the beginning of this email that you not notify me of your decision regarding giving me an incomplete until it is clear that I really need one. I am hoping that the motivation that has come to me for years before deadlines will return, although it has managed to evade me for weeks now of important work.
I'm not sure about this request. It makes it sound as if you are trying to have it both ways. If you are sick and depressed, you should take this semester off and try again later. I hope everything works out for you. Posts: 1592 | Registered: May 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
Maybe it's not the etiquette in the USA, but I would ask for an appointment and say it myself. So that you can change your argumentation or give only the details he's asking for. Besides (again etiquette question...) it would seem more polite, at last here, to take the time to explain yourself in person.
Posts: 3526 | Registered: Oct 2001
| IP: Logged |
posted
That wasn't whining. It sounds like you've had a lot on your plate this past semester.
I remember when I was going to school and depressed between school and family issues, and I went to see one of the school psychologists. He basically smiled and nodded and said "yes you should be stressed out right now you have a lot on your plate." At the time I didn't think it was that helpful other than to have someone to vent to. But in hindsight he was right. The amount of stress and everything else I had in my life was obscene. And there wasn't really anything that the shrink could tell me to do to make it better, because I had to see it for myself. Once I saw it and realized "This can not go on." It became much clearer as to what to do.
Before I read the other comments, I was thinking the e-mail needed to be cut. It was too long. Others had good thoughts on what to cut.
Also I was confused about this section:
quote: That's why I asked at the beginning of this email that you not notify me of your decision regarding giving me an incomplete until it is clear that I really need one. I am hoping that the motivation that has come to me for years before deadlines will return, although it has managed to evade me for weeks now of important work
You should resolve your situation ASAP. If he offers an incomplete, you can concentrate on your other problems. If he decides he won't give you an incomplete, you need to work to salvage whatever grade you can at this point. I see that Beren (vwiggin) and Kwea share some of my confusion about the section I quoted.
Overall, I would cut it, make it short and sweet, and ask for an appointment to discuss it. Take this original e-mail or other notes with you if you think you might get nervous and forget an important point.
Good luck, I'll be rooting for ya!! Posts: 6316 | Registered: Jun 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Katarain, you are not whining! I hope you did not take my suggestion to leave out the detail as implying that you were. I just didn't want you to commit anything to paper that you would probably regret later.
That said, school is hard. I was a full-time student until a year ago, and at least once a semester I'd have a 2-day crying jag because of the stress. Even when I purposely slacked off my last semester because my husband was working out of town I was still overwhelmed by the amount of homework and studying I needed to do. But, even though it's stressful it's worth it. Hang in there, and don't be afraid to take a break if you need to.
posted
Well, a little update... I decided to send no email at all. Nor am I going to talk to him about it. I'm not asking for an incomplete. I went to class and had them workshop the little bit I had. I got some AWESOME ideas for it. So, I'm pretty excited about the paper.
I still have a lot to deal with, but with only 2 weeks left, I suppose I can stick it out. Next semester, I'm taking a fiction writing class in place of one of the "rigorous" seminars. Much better.
Thanks for all of the advice. Let this be a lesson to all of you--don't send important emails without getting advice and sleep!
Printer-friendly view of this topic
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
