posted
Not bad. Change "were to" in the second to last line with "should" and the cadence would match with the last line. (Probably seperate it into two line stanzas as well, as the last two lines don't match with the rest of the poem in rhythm) Aside from those minor problems it's really good.
edit: Just read it with an emphasis on rythm. Add another line, like maybe And to hell I would go or maybe my blood it would then flow helps close out the rhythm a bit (But then, I'm not much of a poet)
[ November 04, 2004, 09:50 PM: Message edited by: Boris ]
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