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Vigorous and lively. Good sense of movement.
Something about the cadence toward the end seems off (hollow? deflated?), but I don't know enough of the mechanics of poetry to accurately assess that. Tom D does.
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Thanks ^^. This is perhaps the first poem I have ever written that is any good, so now I'm like all excited and motivated and thinking about maybe writing more ^^.
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The question is can I? That poem flowed out of me like rain from a cloud, but am I now drained dry? We shall see . ^^
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I had to edit it for a specific reason. I guess I can repost it if I know one thing -- can text posted in this forum be found by search engines and whatnot?
Posts: 3060 | Registered: Nov 2003
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Alright, I'll just write another one to replace this one. May take a couple of days or weeks or months or years or lifetimes to come up with anything as good. Eh, make it two days. In two days I'll have a blistering work that will make ya'll cry. So you'll just have to wait until then.