posted
I guess I've just forgotten what it's like to think like a child. I can't understand how to communicate with them when they're being totally illogical and unreasonable.
My little brother has a really hard time finding things. He could have put it down 10 seconds prior, and it just ceases to exist in his consciousness. Every day, and I mean every day, he loses his shoes.
"Where are my boots?" "Where did you wear them last?" "I don't know." "Where did you take them off?" "I don't know." "Where are you supposed to put them when you take them off?" "By the door." "Are they there?" *checks, an action that takes 7 minutes* *comes back* "I can't find my sandals." "What about your boots?" "Oh! Where are my boots?"
He also has an impossible time remembering the rules. The rules never change. He is reminded of the rules at least 20 times a day. This changes nothing. His two older sisters (7 and 9) seem to have this same deficiency.
"Guys, why are there video tapes on top of the TV?" "I don't know." "Who put them there?" "Not me!" "Not me!" "Not me!" "Where are we supposed to put video tapes?" "In the case." "Are we supposed to put them on top of the TV?" "No." "Why not?" "Because it's hot and it will ruin them."
See - they know the rules, they just never, ever employ them.
My most recent frustration occured 3 minutes ago. I asked the 5-year-old if he had seen the kittens. "No." "Well, will you go find them? I need to put them downstairs so we can leave." "Well, I don't know where they are." "I know that. I don't know where they are either. Will you find them?" "But I can't find them! I don't know where they are!" "I KNOW! Me using the word find implies that you look for them. If you knew where they were, I wouldn't tell you to find them." "But I already looked everywhere!" "But see, if you would have looked everywhere, you would have found them." "But I can't find them!" "You can't find them until you look for them." "But I don't know where to look!" "Look where you think they might like to be." "But I don't know where they are." "Then you'll have to look everywhere." "I already looked everywhere!" "THEY HAVE TO BE SOMEWHERE. KITTENS DO NOT JUST DISAPPEAR. DO YOU THINK THEY JUST WALKED OUTSIDE OF THE HOUSE?" "Yeah, I think so. I saw them walk outside." "You saw the kittens walk outside? When?" "I don't know." "Where did they go?" "Down the road." "What? When did you see the kittens go down the road?" (we haven't left the house in several hours) "Um, 20 minutes ago." "... (the sound of me being perplexed) ..."
I made them go outside and look for the kittens, irrationally thinking they may be out there. It hit me five minutes later that the kittens were not outside - nor could he have seen them go out the door, nor could he have any clue about anything that happened about 20 minutes ago. Still, he swears he saw them running down the road, and he's sure they've got to be several miles away by now.
Now my head explodes and I collapse on the living room floor. The kittens crawl up and sit on me, gazing at me quizzically. The kids left the door open, and there are at least 20 videos on top of the TV.
Posts: 8504 | Registered: Aug 1999
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It's so hard to discipline my nephews, because now, they've learned to be glibe.
"Bradley, don't hit your little sister" "But she hit me!" "She's one! She doesn't know any better!" "Yes she does, she helped me with my math once!"
"Bradley, stop it" "No" "Bradley, I'm serious, stop it" "No" *me getting really pissed* "Bradley, stop it Now!" "No" "That's it, time for bed." "No" "Too bad, let's go to bed" "No" *me getting as emotionally charged as possible without yelling* "Bradley, stop. it. or. go. to. bed. Now!" "No" *eyetwitch*
one not so bad... "Hunter, you're growing up way too fast." "Nu uh, if I grew fast, I'd be seven."
I'm really *really* glad I don't have kids yet. They wouldn't stand a chance.
Posts: 4089 | Registered: Apr 2003
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I get home this afternoon, and my front door is standing open. I totally freak. I left through the back door, so how long has it been open? When was the last time I used the front door? I have two doors, one onto the porch and one from the porch into the house, and I normally lock them both. I hurry to the second door and grab the knob. The spring lock is locked, thank goodness. None of my shoes or tools seem to be missing from the front porch. I put my key in the deadbolt and turn it... it is not locked! Now I'm really freaked, just the lock on the knob was standing between my house and anyone walking by for who knows how long! I unlock the door and open it...
...to find my mom and my sister's friends, Mike & Patty, standing in my living room, and dkw coming down the stairs.
Posts: 7954 | Registered: Mar 2004
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Ah, 5 year olds. But smart alek 7 year olds are worse. A few eeks ago in the car I was discussing with my 7 year old the difference between TAPPING and HITTING his little brother and he told me, "Stop quibbling semantics, you just do thst to antagonise me". And tonight dh told him he was being childish and he said, "Well, that is appropriate"
Posts: 2711 | Registered: Mar 2004
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Annie - I have to say that 10 1/2 is shaping up to be a right cool age! I am really enjoying Nathan!
And I would like to invite you to become comfortable with logical and natural consequences - for example:
Said child can't find shoes, said child goes barefoot. And experiences what we experience barefoot. Ouch. OR worse - no, I'm sorry - you have to sit in the car while we go onto Baskin-Robbins to get icecream. Why? Their rules require shirts and shoes . . .
Said child doesn't put video away? No videos. You put them away - high up.
Oh, and studies show that ADD symptoms in children (such as as not being able to focus, remember things and apply them, etc.) decrease when TV, video and videogames and other media monstrosities are VERY limited.
Got a backyard? Send 'em on out there. Build those healthy young bodies' vitality and strength. Build their imaginations. Build their self-sufficiency skills.
Save your sanity! (Buy earplugs for the loud feelings that emanate from natural and logical consequences.)
There is a time for reasoning with kids. When they let logic fly out the nearest window, that time has passed.
Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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I let logic fly today, now I have no arm hair, or knuckle hair. Did you know that old rusted gas cans that you think have water in them, may just still hold gas. Tonight is the last time I use water to put out a fire that I didn't draw from the hose myself. On the bright side, the nurse in the ER was good looking Posts: 1094 | Registered: Mar 2004
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romany: I think if I had a seven-year-old who said things like that... it would just lead to tears. Of pride. Not to mention a hug and some ice cream.
And then I'd make him go to his room for hitting his brother.
Posts: 293 | Registered: Jun 2004
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posted
I have to agree with PSI Teleport and Shan. Reason and logic are things you learn as you get older. There's no point trying to use them in an argument with someone too young to have learned them yet. At that age, disobedience requires punishment. You can discuss things with them when they're a little older.
Posts: 1814 | Registered: Jul 2004
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quote: hee hee, so they surprised you huh? Is this the same Mike and Patty that I think we met at dkws? If so tell them hi!
They just stopped by to pick up dkw's guitar and other stuff she left at KamaCon for me to bring back. They left about 2 minutes after I got home. But Mom and I went out for ice cream. Posts: 7954 | Registered: Mar 2004
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Please note: I said neither "punishment" nor discipline" - I said NATURAL and LOGICAL consequences.
I.e., it is a NATURAL consequence to have ffet that hurt when you walk on gravel barefoot (unless you're an alien) and it is a LOGICAL consequence that the child without his.her shoes can not go into the icecream store which clearly states that they have a shoes required rule.
Posts: 5609 | Registered: Jan 2003
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Annie, has he ever been tested for an autism spectrum disorder? I just wondered, as I'm way too familiar with them.
Posts: 9871 | Registered: Aug 2001
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So, what, you don't believe in punishing/disciplining/whatevering a disobedient child? Seems like a natural and logical consequence of bad behavior to me. . . .
Posts: 1814 | Registered: Jul 2004
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My sister, when she's babysitting, and the kids are getting too boisterous tells them they've upset her too much and she needs to meditate to calm down. She then sits down and meditates until the kids are apologizing and promising to behave better. It apparently works pretty well for her.
Posts: 3493 | Registered: Jul 2001
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I'll admit I am proud of my kid's vocabulary
Verily, just speaking for myself, I NEVER use the word punishment. Consequence, yes. If one of my kids refuses to clean up their toys, I don't give them a time out, I give them the LOGICAL CONSEQUENCE of picking up the toys myself and putting them in the garage for a few days ( they have to earn the toys back, one at a time. Nor do I equate the words "discipline" and "punishment" You can disciplne your children without extensive use of punishments. About the only time I will actually punish one of my kids is if they hit/bite/etc someone, and they get sent to the corner for that.
Posts: 2711 | Registered: Mar 2004
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Actually, if a tor gets stepped on I would call that a NATURAL consequence. Plus I don't think it's OK to break someone's property to teach them a lesson, or to break my ankle for that matter.
Posts: 2711 | Registered: Mar 2004
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