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Warning: Spoilers for those who don't know where babies come from.
I was sitting in the living room this afternoon, trying to shrink Mt. St. Dewrinkle (aka, folding laundry) when the kids decided they were bored and wanted to watch TV.
I turned it on and started flipping through the channels. No cartoons. Got to our local PBS station and what's on? Yep. "Oh Mom, it looks like those pictures of 'before born' babies in your books. Can we watch this?" Umm...okay.
The show was very technical and dry. I thought they'd lose interest. Nope. Not MY kids. They sat there in fascination all the way through. Up until it showed the actual birth.
"The baby's going to come out of your tushie?" Well, yes.
"Why are all those people there looking at her privates?" So they can help her if she needs help.
"That baby has a big head. How did that fit?" Well, the baby has a soft spot that lets it's head get kinda squished, and the mom's bones and muscles stretch around it.
"What's all that slimy stuff on the baby?" A little of it is blood, but most of it is just the fluid the baby's been in in the mom's tummy.
Am I terrible for letting them watch this? Have I damaged my children? I've tried to be honest and answer all their questions. I don't want this to be a big unknown for them. I don't want them to be afraid for me while I'm in the hospital.
The only real problem I see now is that they now want to watch their brother being born. I'm not so sure that's a good idea. Should they see me in pain like that? But what do I tell them if I decide the answer is no? Hmmm...seems I have a lot to think about. Input, anyone?
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posted
Yeah, that Nova is a bit on the graphic side. I doubt you've scarred your kids, though.
If my kids had asked to be there for a birth, I'd likely say something along the lines of, "It takes a lot of work for a mommy to have a baby. I'm going to be so busy having the baby, that I won't be able to take care of you. If you were there, I'd be worried about who was taking care of you. So I'd much rather you were with Grandma (or whoever is going to be watching your kids), so I know you'll be safe, and don't have to worry about you.
"But we'll make sure you can see the baby and me and Dad as soon as possible afterward. "
And you probably want to emphasize the fact that labor often takes a LONG time, and they will likely get bored waiting around for the main event.
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I think it's fine that you let them watch the show. In the olden days, more kids grew up on farms and knew all about births, since they saw them all the time, and maybe even helped out.
quote:The only real problem I see now is that they now want to watch their brother being born. I'm not so sure that's a good idea. Should they see me in pain like that? But what do I tell them if I decide the answer is no?
I'd be inclined to not let them watch a birth in person. With a film, you can edit out all the parts you don't want your audience to witness, like the part where you tell your husband that he's never coming anywhere near you ever again, or the part where you announce that you want to die now and get it over with.
As for what to tell them... maybe something along the lines of "giving birth is really hard work, and I won't be able to watch you while I'm doing it. And I might have to work on it for a very long time, because sometimes giving birth takes a lot longer than it did for the lady on TV. I won't be able to get up and get you something to eat if you get hungry while you're waiting, and there won't be a good place to sleep if you get tired."
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Letting the kids be part of the preparation process of giving birth is a really good thing, and might soften the "no" of not having them physically present for the birth itself. For example, helping to choose the clothes the baby will wear when he gets to come home, helping choose your "going home" clothes, the welcome home meal, etc.
Another way to make the kids part of the action without actually seeing the new one emerge is to allow them to come to the hospital/birthing center immediately after you've had a chance to catch your breath. (figuratively speaking)
No way have you scarred your kids letting them watch a birth on TV.
If possible, it's a great idea to let the kids go with you to the obstetrician if you're going to do any ultrasound. It gives them a chance to kind of introduce themselves to their new brother, and get an idea of how big he is, etc.
Posts: 230 | Registered: Sep 2003
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I saw this show the other night on our local PBS station. Wonderful; I didn't think it was dry and dull at all.
And I think it is a great show for kids. The thing that scares me is that so many people don't want their kids to know "where babies come from". It's a beautiful thing. Maybe my point of view comes from the fact that none of this was ever hidden from me. Certainly, I was never given graphic information at in inappropriate age. But when I asked questions, I was given factual answers - not silly little myths about cabbage patches or storks. I truly believe that the "facts of life" are just that; facts, and not to be afraid of.
Posts: 2454 | Registered: Jan 2003
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"Kids, you know we love you very much right? I think you are old enough to know that we cannot afford to keep all of you once the baby arrives. *hugs* I want you to take this time and think about which one of you contributes the least to the family. Now, who wants to give mommy a back rub?"
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Personally, I would not want to see my mom give birth. It's kind of like going to the bathroom or taking a shower or having sex. Yeah, they should know about it, but watching you do it isn't going to really help matters and it may freak them out. I know it would me.
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When reading about birth stories on the web, it seemed that many of the women who did home births had their children present. I'm not sure what I think of that, but my first reaction is that that is weird. I guess the kids grow up with a really realistic view of birth though.
Did you scar your kids? Naw. But when I was 5 or so my Mom mentioned that having a baby hurts a lot and that scarred me for life! Posts: 7050 | Registered: Feb 2004
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Uncle Allen was horrified that this little girl knew such things.
(Anyone considering the book should read the first review, it describes it perfectly.)
(Edit: Dana is 21 months older than me, so she was maybe 1.5 years old at this occurance. I just called Mom to verify my recollection of the story, as I obviously wasn't there. She gave Dana's quote exactly the same, and said Allen said "Oh God.")
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That book is fine, but be sure to avoid Mayle's Where Did I Come From. The part where the author attempts to describe "how an orgasm feels," using a vocabulary level aimed at four-year-olds, is just T M I.Posts: 1512 | Registered: A Long Time Ago!
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One of my friends had her 11 year old daughter present at the birth of her second child. She (the 11 year old) even got to cut the umbilical cord. She thinks it was a great experience, and her Mom thinks it was probably a more effective illustration of the possible consequences of sex than any “talk” she could have come up with. Posts: 9866 | Registered: Apr 2002
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posted
I saw my brother being born as a home birth when I was 6, and my sister being born at a birthing center when I was 14.
I got to cut the umbilical cords of both.
It didn't scar me in any way - or even squick me out. I just thought it was amazing. I think kids are sometimes a lot more tuned into what is a natural beautiful process then we as adults are - they are yet to learn a lot of the social values that make people think "urk, watch a BIRTH?".
What my parents did was not get me into the room until the last bit - so for my brother, I was left asleep until the last half hour. When Kate was born, my brother and I were at the birthing centre, but in the waiting room until the last half hour or so.
Not for everyone, but I'm really glad I saw the births. It was very special.
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Bob, we don't have the book anymore. Mom can't find it. Sorry.
The illustrations are not pop-ups, they are paper cut-outs that are arranged and then photographed. It's really neat. But it's not very explicit... it gets into details on flowers, with stamins and pistils and all, and the dogs seem to be having a good time, but when you get to humans they are very tastefully depicted facing each other in bed, under a sheet and a blanket. I think the man's hand was behind the woman's head, maybe, not horribly racy.
So you'll have to get your information from internet porn, like everyone else. Or hey! You could watch this Nova program we've been talking about!
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Got to our local PBS station and what's on? Yep. "Oh Mom, it looks like those pictures of 'before born' babies in your books. Can we watch this?" Umm...okay.![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
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