posted
I can feel it out there, swimming in the ether, slowly, inevitably, unstoppably moving ever closer.
By the twitching in my thumb, something, perhaps not evil, this way comes.
I can sense it, smell it, almost taste it.
Change.
Oh, not on a political, national, or cultural level. This is something stronger, something bigger, something happening to only me.
I can feel it.
Unlike our friend Alvin, in those books from whick this place gains its name, its not the Un-maker that has been my foe.
I know that Entropy will win in the end, unless God deems it otherwise. There is little I can do to fight the Un-Maker, for it is his child that is my enemy.
It is Inertia. For decades I have fought Inertia. I wish I could claim a string of victories, or reel off times I have fought it to a stand still. I cannot.
For Inertia is my enemy, and I must fight hard and long to even change my ways so that I can fight it.
Inertia is the force that keeps a resting thing, me, at rest. It is the force that keeps a thing headed in one direction, headed in that direction, unmoving, unchanging, unstopped.
That is how I live my life, defining a comfortable rut to embrace and following it to the end.
I hate change. I hate fighting the inertia that propells me on my comfortable course. I hate the unknown, unsafe, unwelcome world that is undefined, that is not my comfortable rut.
And such change, massive in scale, monster in size, dangerous and uncomfortable, is heading my way. I sense the mouth of this beast already looming ahead of me in the darkness that is the future.
Of course, much of this is the children.
Hence, much of this is my fault.
I initiated the change. I started us down the path that will lead to our children arriving within 5 months, possibly as soon as 2.
See, my wife and I are adopting.
And the nice slow process is speeding up.
And now we have to change our house, my refuge, my fortress of solitude.
And now we need more money, but my job is having an off year. I need spend more time working, or perhaps change jobs to one more profitable.
Change.
My van, a 1990 model, is falling apart. A new one will be needed.
Change.
My Everquest addiction, like other computerized addictions, is reaching a state of burn out. I will be taking a break from it, finding other ways to spend my evenings.
Change.
For three years now, I have been building a fence in our back yard. I designed it. I bought all the pieces. I built it from scratch.
It is almost done. My eternal project is almost done.
Change.
What does this mean for my time on Hatrack?
I do not know.
All I do know is that major changes are prepared to assault my life. I am about to be cursed with more interesting times. I fear it. I despise it. I dread it.
Part of me wants to find a tall place and scream my challenge to the changes that haunt me. "Do Your Worst" I would scream.
I did that once before.
I forced change on my life on summer long ago.
The results were not good.
The results would make a wonderful landmark thread. But they are for another day, maybe, if I dare.
Let us say that I have since grown superstiscious about tempting fate, tempting change, daring to push beyond what is to be.
I do not know why I am writing this. Perhaps seeking some sympathy. Perhaps I miss the writing I've been to busy to do, and enjoy the sounds of my own words to much. Perhaps, dread spoken is less powerful than dread unspoken, as joy spoken is more powerful than joy unspoken.
Or perhaps
just perhaps
I am using this place as my tall point, to let the beast of change know that I know its there, that I know its coming for me, and that I will meet it head on, for that is the only way to meet any fear.
Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002
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quote:My Everquest addiction, like other computerized addictions, is reaching a state of burn out. I will be taking a break from it, finding other ways to spend my evenings.
I didn't know you played Evercrack. What server do/did you play on?
Dagonee *Seizing the most minor point of the post to respond to.
posted
*twitches in sympathetic response to Dan's post*
It's all good! Plunge in! The water's fine! A year down the road, you'll wonder what you were worrying about, because all the worries will have changed! (That wasn't as comforting as I meant it to sound, but I'm too tired to figure it out right now . . . )
Hugs for you and Mrs. D_R and the soon-to-be-with-you newest family members! Sounds like the fence is being finished in the nick of time! Posts: 5609 | Registered: Jan 2003
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posted
Inertia is a powerful, seductive force. I know it well. Much sympathy for all the stress the changes are causing you. Good for you for looking Change in the eye and taking it head-on.
May your hopes be fulfilled, and your worries come to naught. Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
You're so lucky that you have so many things to work for and to look forward to. I KNOW you're up for it and we're rooting for you all the way Dan. (((Dan and family)))
posted
I can unequivocably reply that one can juggle the demands of parenthood and the absolute life-sustaining necessity of Everquest. My 6 year old has been playing since before he could read, the only obstacle being that he had a compulsion to give stuff to people, who then wanted to group, while he went merrily on his way. He also does a mean impersonation of an earth elemental, which never fails to crack Mom up. BTW, what server?
Seriously, though, our heartfelt congratulations to you and your (growing) family.
Posts: 230 | Registered: Sep 2003
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posted
See, its my lack of response to the change that is coming that scares me. I see it looming in the distance, yet I am not afraid of it. I see new and exciting adventures ahead, yet they do not excite me. Either I am way to rational for my own good, or I am going to get one hell of a shock on that special day. I think perhaps a bit of both.
((Dan)) The change will be a shock, but it will settle back into normalcy once again. Fear not!
Posts: 1777 | Registered: Jan 2003
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-my favorite quote from Guantlet, the arcade game.
Dan,
Newfound success on being a father. My personal physician summed the situation up very well. He explained to me how he believed (at the time) how marriage would have been the penultimate experience in his life, until the day he had children. A little bit of fear is good, but I agree with the Litany Against Fear. I say face the little death and march head first, consequences be damned!
On a very personal note, there is no experience quite like watching your children play in the bathtub, and then having to clean out the poopers because they were in the tub just a bit too long. Sort of like the best and worst of life, all in one nice package. Yes that was today before work.
Posts: 1870 | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
Dan, when we have changes coming we do need to take time and focus on ourselves and our families.
I understand that, it's why my hiatus from hatrack for a few months was necessary and why I'm not on as much as I used to be and I'm especially not on AIM much anymore.
But, I can still contribute (I hope!) to this community and I'm sure that even if your time is cut back you will still be a valuable contributing part of our tribe.
But you must, must post as soon as you have definite words on the adoption! We must be able to celebrate a new hatrack child!
Posts: 14428 | Registered: Aug 2001
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posted
How come I posted my EQ addiction in three other threads and barely got a comment, and in this one we are doing a litany of EQ players.
I'll say it again--Chihapetz, 53 Monk on Terris Thule.
The sad news, my guild is withering and dieing. Its not the first guild to do so, in fact its the second time I've seen this one die. I thought I was the last one out last time. It reminded me a lot of Hatrack when it was at its peak.
Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002
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