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Fred Kernedy never hated his big nose more than when a sex-crazed pelican mistook him for a female and tried to make wild and passionate "dirty-bird love" -- to his head!

"It was awful -- a nightmare . . . I wished I was dead," says the 33-year-old man from Tampa, Fla. "All I wanted to do was throw some stale bread to the catfish swimming around in Tampa Bay.

"The next thing I know there's this pelican perched on a pole and he's looking at me with a very distinct gleam in his eye. I remember thinking, 'What's that old boy looking at?'

"And a second later I had the answer. He was looking at me."

Eyewitnesses said the hot-blooded seabird made a beeline for Kernedy, who, by his own admission, "was taken completely by surprise."

"I just stood there like an idiot while that pelican went at me like a dog in heat," he continues. "I started swinging my arms and hitting at it and trying to duck and run and scream at the same time.

"I know it sounds funny, and if it had happened to you instead of me, I'd be laughing, too. But the truth is, it's just about the sickest thing I can imagine.

"Just thinking about it sends cold chills up and down my spine."

Kernedy says he realized about 15 seconds into the attack that the bird wanted some lovin' . "I saw something I hope and pray I never see again," he says -- the business end of a pelican's manhood.

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