posted
I kept a similar list when I was in college. Two, actually. One of them is immortalized at Sakeriver in the form of the Random Jesse-ism. The other is mostly too vulgar to share.
Posts: 4534 | Registered: Jan 2003
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posted
"Someday this is going to be funny." - my roommate in college.
The story behind this quote, which was what she said coming in the door at about 8 a.m. after having been out all night on a very strange adventure, is way too long and convoluted to tell here. Suffice it to say that I was in on the beginning of the adventure and I'm very glad that I bailed when I did. Even through I eventually got blamed by the dorm supervisors for letting them stay when I and another friend left the adventure, mainly because I was a little older and "should have known better."
The really funny thing about all of it, and about the quote, is that the "someday" it became funny ended up being about dinnertime that night. It also became our room's motto. Posts: 2454 | Registered: Jan 2003
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"Baton Rogue city morgue: you stab 'em, we slab 'em, how may I help you?"
--ME!
Okay, okay, let me tell you the story behind that one...
Correlle's boyfriend Ryan lives downstairs in the dorm. Well, to call anywhere on LSU, all we have to dial is the last five numbers. Graham Hall has all 45 numbers. I usually answer the phone that way when it's Ryan and his roommate Chris call.
So we get a phone call around Halloween; and all I read is the '45'. So I pick up, say my line...
...And I hear a weak woman's voice on the other end: "I... think I have the wrong number..." *CLICK*
It turns out the front desk had a package from Correlle's family for her.
We now have a sign on our door, announcing that we are the city morgue.
Moral of the story: CHECK YOUR CALL IDS!
Posts: 873 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
I used to write everything down, but I've gotten so lazy over the past two years . . .
Still, some choice ones from the past year are:
"Gandhi would gnaw on Jesus' head."--E (this didn't make sense even in context)
"I don't think you can eat God."--L
"It was just an evening of being molested by animals."--me, after a puppy tried to gnaw at a boy and a cat batted at me
"Lindsay: a better stimulant than coffee!"--E, re me. (Because our phil prof told us to bring legal stimulants to class, and she decided I was her legal stimulant for some reason.)
posted
While one drunk roomate said hurry up...you need to catch up with the rest of us (I had just gotten back and was handed an unknown concoction with a fruity taste), another drunk roomate stood on the coffee table (the lights were off, by the way), put a flashlight on her head, and spun in a circle saying:
posted
Trying to remember college... there is one quote I remember. It was written on the wall of the UVA TKE house (where my boyfriend went) before it got shut down by the national fraternity. Ronald Reagan was the most famous TKE that I know of, and let's just say they weren't "saying No" at that place.
Posts: 11017 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
How can you all forget the most famous quote of all. Late night infomercials! "Set it, and forget it!"
Posts: 290 | Registered: Aug 2003
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I've kept quotes for ages. We had a list spanning the height of my band locker in high school with a couple extra pages tacked on for good measure.
I tried keeping some when I got to college, especially from visitors to my room, but it was hard to keep up with them. Now all I've got is stuff from one of my professors. He teaches Greek and Civilization of Ancient Egypt, and here's some of his stuff:
From Greek:
"Humans are not normal and something needs to be done about it" "That's a lousy answer, <insert name here>, really, it is" "It's not a form you wanna meet in a dark alley" "This is not CBS Evening News - we're going to kill all of them!" "Are you dyslexic, <insert name here>?" "[The Phoenicians] were like grease monkeys, with red hands" "Ah, to be in chains again" "Now you feel dumb, don't you?" "We're just making this up anyway, aren't we?"
From Egypt:
"I have something you want... uh... bread and sex" "Some guy said 'bnbnnnrnanaa' and it came out 'phoenix'" "In my heart, I know you're a... uh... slut!" "That is to say, 'I ran the hell away'" "I love your morals and your hair is nice too" "You call that a harbour, well, my bathtub is almost as good" "The poor have something to eat, dammit!" "Laudanum, that's opium, that'd be nice..."
I firmly believe the man is insane. Brilliant, but insane.
Posts: 3932 | Registered: Sep 1999
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posted
You want to talk teacher quotes, you should try my bio teacher: "Me thinks it is like a weasel." "When someone dies, that's the ultimate emmigration." "Only specialized things can live in a bog." "Possoms have babies that are half-baked." "Biomorph: a $10 word for lifeform." "It's okay to be a dark-furred squirrel." "He was not the brightest bulb on the string." "Plants are aggressive!" "You don't want to eat me- I stink!"
"They flash those big sexy blue feet." It freaks you out to see a twig with wings." "Orchids are tricky little things" "Humans look more like chimpanzees than fruit flies." "Remember the pipe in the box." (Forget the Alamo.) "Big, long hypodermic fangs." "I'm here and I have a neat place to live. Come check me out!" "Elephants can't mate with mice....Get that picture out of your head!" "Anyanything"
"Let's throw a fox over here!" "We don't just eat cows!" "Don't get caught with a condor feather...it's a federal crime!" "These are the smart homos!" (Homo sapiens) "It wasn't the spaghetti that was great!" "The fly is meat to a spider." "Have you ever seen so many blue feet in one place?" "True, he's not eating the sun." "Far out! Nifty! Groovy! That's boss!"
"The ones with the sexiest red patches get the most mates." Wherever they are, that's where they are." "Dead cells don't photosynthesize." "Yellowjackets LOVE meat!" "On the animal I.Q. scale, possums would be in special ed." "90% of evergy is used to be a dandelion." "They all eat each other."
Posts: 981 | Registered: Aug 2003
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"Here's Abraham on his respirator [*climbs up on table and lies down*] lying there in the hospital...[*quavery voice*]...'The voice is the voice of Jacob, but the hands are the hands of Esau.'"
Posts: 1041 | Registered: Feb 2002
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posted
Actually, it is "<insert name here> mortuary. You stab 'em, we slab 'em. Some go to heaven some go to Hello!" Posts: 4753 | Registered: May 2002
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quote: "He was not the brightest bulb on the string."
I like those!
"He's not the sharpest knife in the drawer." "He's not the yummiest cookie on the tray." "He's not the greenest tree in the grove." The list can go ever on.
EDIT:typo
[ November 25, 2003, 01:13 AM: Message edited by: Nick ]
Posts: 4229 | Registered: Dec 2002
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"So you have Jane, there all by her self, and you detect her. By doing this you've done something to her. She not the same anymore and never will be. You've turned her into Jack."
Posts: 1621 | Registered: Oct 2001
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posted
A good quote is by a friend of mine: "Dude, if we attacked Japan, all their office buildings would turn into giant robots and kick or proverbial asses. You know they would."
One of the ones that bounces around is a misquoted subtitle from a really bad bootleg of LotR:FotR. It's the scene in which Frodo is trying to give the ring to Gandalf and he bellows, "Don't tempt me Frodo!" Which gets turned into "Don't touch me Frodo!"
Other such ones are: Saruman: "Do you know how the orcs first came to be?" to "Do you know how the ox first came to be?" Saruman: "They were Elves, once." to "They were hell, once." Aragorn: "By nightfall this hill will be swarming with orcs!" to "By nightfall this hill will be swarm with ox!" Boromir: "Gondor has no king. Gondor needs no king." to "Condo have no king. Condo need no king." All of them are fair game in conversation.
Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2003
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posted
late late one night, I was awoken by my roommate yelling "WHAT THE H***! THIS ISN"T ABOUT BETHOVEN! IT"S ABOUT BETHOVEN"S HEAD!" and no, she wasn't talking in her sleep, she was fully awake and aware when she said this.
Wow. Maribeth, that's brilliant. I used to do that at home "hello, center of the universe, how may I help you?" but as far as I know, the only people it ever scared off were telemarketers
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Don't forget what Gandalf's last words are translated to:
"Fly, you fools!" "Frodo, you fool!"
Here are some of my quotes.
"Who am I? I'll tell you who I am! I'm Greg Louganis, asshole, that's who I am!" "They need to make a drink called "Kerplunk" so then they can have the catchphrase, "Kerplunk, you're drunk."" "I get in touch with my feminine side all the time!......... to beat it." "Did you know that pressuring someone to have sex counts as rape? And by pressuring I mean extensive bitching and moaning." "Her body is like Disneyland, but for big kids, dammit."
My Philosophy professor: Well, let me pose an interesting question to you. Let's say you have the choice between living a short but momentous life or an immortal, meaningless life. Which would you choose? Me: Well, I've had the whole meaningless thing down pat for the last nineteen goddamn years, I'd say I'm pretty much set.
[ November 25, 2003, 11:56 AM: Message edited by: Book ]
Posts: 2258 | Registered: Aug 2003
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