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Okay, so we've been through a lot the past two weeks, and occurs to me as I get to come back and peek in at Hatrack again that it's the little things that really catch us where we live. (Reading Kat's thread on adventures in activities committees.)
As some of you may remember, my little daughter Rainbow was diagnosed with hip dysplasia two months ago. Two weeks ago we went to Children's Hospital to have the surgery to correct it. Everything went well, better than expected, even. The femur slipped right into what little socket she has, which meant that the surgeon didn't have to cut any tendons or shorten to femur to make it fit (which would predictibly result in one leg shorter than the other, until she got older and it caught up naturally). So 7 hours after we let them take her away, we met Rainy back in her room. The next three days were long and sleepless as we worked to get her off the morphine and eating. Then we brought her home.
I think that in really stressful times, you have a very basic frame of mind to help you survive. There aren't many emotions, you get blinders for what's really important. In my case it was "get my baby well again". I couldn't read. The words swam under my eyes. TV wasn't much of a distraction. Every thought and movement was about my daughter. It is an absolutely exhausting frame of mind to stay in for very long, so when we were released from the hospital, the walls holding out the rest of the world came down and I had to feel all the anxious fear, anticipatory sorrow for what the immediate future would bring, and general angst of being a Mom with a (albeit temporarily) disabled kid. I cried the entire 100 mile drive home. And slept whenever I could for the rest of the weekend.
Three days later I was mostly human again. My daughter is now turtle-girl, encased in a body cast that goes from just below her armpits to just below her knees. She'll be in it until Christmas. This is a big thing.
The most upsetting part of this whole experience is the little things, the small details. She can't wear pants, so most of the time she looks only half dressed. I actually cried because I was sure she wouldn't fit in the Halloween costume I bought her months ago. (An evening with a seam ripper and a few strips of velcro fixed the problem, and she did get to wear the costume after all.) She doesn't fit in her high chair, so we are still working on how to make it possible for her to feed herself again. Until then, we feed her by hand. She doesn't fit in shopping carts anymore, so I haven't figured out how to take her shopping with me.
It seems so petty, to be struggling with this little stuff...what will she wear for Christmas? How are our family pictures going to look with this huge cast on our girl? How do we get her into a position where she can feed herself? What do I do if I *have* to take her shopping with me? Little stuff. And it seems so petty to be as upset and sad as I have been these past two weeks, when what she has is curable.
But it does matter, and while it might be petty, it's what it is, and I guess I'm coming to the point where even if it's tiny, it matters to me, so that makes it big and worth at least giving it voice. And so to keep this from being a total downer of a post (which I thank you for reading, because it's mostly a whiney bunch of complaints) I have a short list of why having your toddler in a body cast can be a good thing:
1. No wiggling around on the changing table. After you get used to it, it's actually easier to change the diaper of a kid in a body cast.
2. No need for fences and gates. She hasn't figured out how to get mobile in her cast (yet), so we took the fence down from around the TV, and the gates from the hallways.
3. No need to go to the gym to work out. She now weighs another 10lbs, with that cast on. I figure it's a full workout to hold her and walk up and down the stairs a dozen or so times.
4. Probably best is that she's so dependent right now that I am forced to really get to know her at a deeper level. I've learned what her different cries mean, which I never did figure out when she was a newborn. She loves to cuddle soft toys, and while she doesn't really talk yet, she understands *a lot*. I had no idea how much she understands, until now.
Thanks for reading to the end.
Posts: 5948 | Registered: Jun 2001
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<Considers starting a "Took My Kid To Children's Hospital" support group.>
(((Jeniwren)))
I can't remember -- how old is your daughter?
Mooselet had leg casts, which didn't make him immobile during diaper changes -- instead, it just helped him build up powerful leg and stomach muscles, and he had a nasty habit of catching daddy's fingers between the casts as he smashed one leg against the other. It's the little things, you know?
What type of carseat is she using? If it's the kind that attaches to a base that gets left in the car, most of those can go on the front of a shopping cart without danger of toppling. If that won't work, is she too big for one of those carriers that you wear where she kinda hangs in front of you?
Anyway, I trust that all will work itself out. If there's anything we can do, let us know -- we Hatrackers are a resourceful crowd, y'know.
The little things ARE important. I remember when I was in the hospital recovering from a car accident (broken clavicle, punctured lung, 13 days hospitalized), my mom helped me paint my face for Halloween (I was a cat!) and I went to the cafeteria to hang out with her. I was fifteen years old, I was dragging an IV around with me, and nobody else seemed to appreciate the cat makeup (I was not in a children's ward, obviously); but it was really really important to me that I do that.
I've been wondering how you were doing. Glad the surgery went well.
The "little things" are important. Of course you worry about them. And it's great that you're finding the silver lining, too.
Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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Oh, Jeni - hang in there. You're right, it is the little things.
((((((((Big hugs to you and your family.))))))) I think the support group for parents with kids who have been hospitalized is a necessity.
However, you have Hatrack so it's kinda built-in for you, you lucky gal!
E-mail if you need to vent. All the fears and extra weight and work can really add up. I love how you are finding positive stuff in it. That's a saving grace! Posts: 5609 | Registered: Jan 2003
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We've missed you Jeni. I'm really glad your daughter has YOU to get her through this until she's well. I hope that you'll look back on it and think of all the positive things like you're doing now. I bet that the two of you will have a great relationship as she grows up because you're getting to know each other so well during this time.
(((Jeni))) Hang in there, we love and admire you!! Posts: 6415 | Registered: Jul 2000
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Boon
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quote: If that won't work, is she too big for one of those carriers that you wear where she kinda hangs in front of you?
I have one of these in a box. If you want to borrow it, I'd be happy to send it. I'll need it back, but not until May.
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Jeni -- I hope all is well with you and little Rainy. The best part of all this is that she won't remember a thing. Make sure and take lots of pictures.
posted
You really do sound like an amazing mom jeni--she's lucky to have you. It's great that you're able to see a couple of very real positives in this.
It is staggering how much pre-verbal kids understand, isn't it?
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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quote: I had no idea how much she understands, until now.
This may be a new thing anyway. It is uncanny to watch the mind develop!
Although I don't have a similar experience, my wife, Nene, became a ping-pong ball in the cab of a pickup truck that was broadsided by another truck, driven by a drunk, at the age of two. Her pelvis was completely shattered, her legs were masses of compound fracture, she nearly lost a hand, she did lose a foot (which was re-attached), and she bit through her lip and tongue.
She spent the next year and a half in a body cast. She had already learned to walk at that age, but after the cast came off, she had to learn to walk again at the age of four.
What I've learned from this, and other stories of extremely young trauma, is that growing bodies do some amazing stuff.Except for a few strange scars, she is perfectly normal. Nene's leg is still one inch shorter than the other, but she loves to "boot-scoot".
I really didn't mean it to make me sound like anything other than a stressed out mom. The whole mindset zone thing about having focus only for my daughter was actually not so smart. I get headaches when I don't eat regularly, which are made worse by not sleeping enough. I took a lot of Tylenol while at Children's, which was mostly unnecessary, because I should have been taking care of myself better. Rayne was drugged to the eyeballs and could have made do with Daddy for an hour or so while I got outside, saw some sunshine and ate something. By Day 4, I had mostly figured that out. So if I ever have to do this again (a possibility), I'll take care of myself better.
Moose, Rainbow is 18 months old. In the cast she weighs 30lbs. We have a special car seat we're renting from the hospital that is made for kids in a spica cast. Which is another thing to be seriously grateful for -- they don't always have these carseats available, and when they're not, the child has to use a conversion vest used with a regular seat belt. The vest requires them to lie down on a bench seat. Neither of our cars could have accomidated that, so we would have been in quite a pickle if the car seat hadn't been available.
(Edit: and sympathy OUCH on your fingers and Mooselet's casts! It hurts just thinking what a challenge those must have been! Did you have to sponge bathe him while he had them on, or could you just cover them in plastic and throw him in the tub? I'm so looking forward to when Rayne can take a real bath again.)
jexx, the cool thing about going to a Children's Hospital (which I must aside and tell that I wish all hospitals were as wonderful as Children's) is that they totally cater to kids and families. One day we were there, a couple of clowns came through and one sang to Rayne. Another day, a couple brought their therapy dog, and let Rayne pet him for a while. The hospital also had toys handmade by volunteers that we were able to bring home with us. Had we been there over Halloween, I'm sure that we'd have been treated to all kinds of fun stuff. Children's is the coolest place.
Boon, that is the loveliest offer. She's too big for those now. But thank you so much for offering! And congratulations on needing it soon!
((Pat)) ((Narnia)) ((rivka)) ((Anna)) ((CT)) Hey, CT...in all this, I found a great support website for families going through this stuff, which might help your patients if you encounter it. It's www.hip-baby.org ((Amka)) ((Noemon)) I figured out that she had a lot more going on upstairs than previously guessed when she shook her head after I asked if she wanted to take a nap. I talk with her but never expect an answer, so it cracked me up that she used her first No head shake on getting out of taking a nap.
Erik: Holy moly. Okay, I'm counting my lucky stars that this was not from an accident like what your wife survived. I'm glad she made it!! And got her foot back. That's just amazing.
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You're right, it is the little things. ![[Hat]](graemlins/hat.gif)
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Holy moly. Okay, I'm counting my lucky stars that this was not from an accident like what your wife survived. I'm glad she made it!! And got her foot back. That's just amazing.
