quote: Samakah was on an island once. To this day, the locals still call it "the island city." In a way, they are still right.
The wall is the first clue that Samakah does not belong in the desert. One hundred feet tall, the structure was built countless generations ago with smooth stones only found near the shore. The blue and green stones even have the illusion of holding water, defying the dry, yellow sand around them. Some say that the wall was built to withstand tidal waves. Now it protects the city from desert winds, standing as a monument to the former glory of the landscape.
A lonely desert traveler, completely covered to protect himself against the blistering sandstorm, can see Samakah through his veil, a bright blue spot in the middle of yellow nothingness. He moves mechanically towards it, towards the blue place, hoping for fresh water and a good meal. Just looking at it makes him feel less thirsty. Maybe it was the blank landscape, or the traveler wasn't paying attention. But he failed to see the deep chasm surrounding Samakah and its wall. And there he slipped into the yellow nothing, unable to reach the dazzling blue wall.
Samakah was on an island once. In a way, it still is.
Five points for a correct guess with either rationale for the guess or a critique of the story Two points for any guess with a critique One point for any guess with a rationale A blank stare for any guess with neither critique nor rationale
posted
Okay, I will have a constantly edited list of people already guessed here. That way, people won't have to scroll down to see the impromtu already-guessed lists.
This passage would make a good introduction, I think, but it needs more if it wants to make it as a stand-alone story. I'll guess saxon75.
The Official Already-Guessed-And-Confirmed-Wrong List saxon75 Tom Davidson ScottR Ryuko Geoff celia Slash the Berzerker T_Smith Icarus
The Official Guessed-And-Not-Yet-Confirmed-Wrong-With-The-Small-Yet-Still-Noticable-Possibility-Of-Being-Right List
posted
Muppet, would it bother you terribly if I continued to use my own spreadsheet?
Excellent intro to a fantasy epic. Or it could be a chapter intro later in the story. Very good use of imagery and descriptive language. Actually, it reminds me a bit of one of OSC's drafts of the beginning of Ender's Shadow, the one where he talks about Rotterdam. OSC eventually chose to favor an opener that was more character-driven, though, which may be something for the author to think about. The description vaguely reminds me of the image I have of the city of Rak Cthol in Eddings' Belgariad series, although it is better written.
Nothing to immediately say whether the author is male or female. The author is obviously someone who has read a fair amount of fantasy. I also think that it's someone who's had a more than a little experience with writing. The style is very sure.
posted
whatever floats your boat msakaseg, I didn't know Spreadsheet would be useful in this situation. But I suppose Spreadsheet for some is the answer to all of life's ills. Posts: 4089 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
I like this... I'm a sucker for twists... But it looks to me like the tense changed in the middle from "a lonely traveler can..." to "the traveler wasn't..." I think it would be best to put the middle paragraph in past tense.
That said, it sounds arabic-y, so I'm going to guess sarcasticmuppet...
posted
Dang it all, Ryuko. I was hoping this round would take forever.
And in case anyone was wondering, "Samakah" is Arabic for 'fish.' I wrote this over a year ago for an excercise based on Calvino's Invisible Cities. That book is an imaginary conversation between Marco Polo and Kubla Khan, and it has dozens of these tiny stories about cities he has visited.
Anyway, the critiques have all been really helpful. I was hoping this round would last a little longer so I could get more of them, but alas. I've been working on a story set in Samakah, but it's been difficult for some completely unknown reason.
Posts: 4089 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
what's weird is that Ryuko said it was definetely "arabic-y" and I wrote this over a year before I gained any knowledge of Arabic or the MidEast. I found the word "Samakah" in a USNews or something. It's a mnemonic device. When you think of the word 'samakah' think of smaking a fish. Smack--samakah.
And Ilhamdu lillaah for noone trying to assume that the author was male. I couldn't have borne the shame!
posted
The funny thing is that I thought the name sounded a bit arabic-ky, but I never would have guessed it meant fish. I thought more of a feminine name, sort of like Samantha. *laugh*
Posts: 1777 | Registered: Jan 2003
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