quote: Mella propped herself up onto her particularly freckley elbows and gazed about her new bedroom. It was largely blue, which she enjoyed, with an ergonomic sort of feel that defied its small size. The windows, though, were what really threw her off. They were all pointy, and staggered at random heights around the top of the room. They seemed to be circled about her, peering down and passing judgment. She felt apprehensive at the prospect of awaking every morning in the middle of a window huddle, powerless to rise to their level and powerless to say much in response to their outpouring of sunlight onto her dreary head. Perhaps if Aron were still groggily reposed on the pillow beside her it wouldn’t be so distracting, but his new position required him to be alive, alert, awake, and enthusiastic before she even ventured a peek out of REM sleep.
posted
I get the feeling that the author is young, and probably female. There's a certain youthful exuberance I feel in the writing tone, and certain phrases, like "particularly freckley," "awaking every morning," and "groggily reposed" that sound like a writer that hasn't really found her own place as a writer, perhaps modeling her writing on what she reads or what she thinks writing should sound like.
The unusual nature or spelling of the names ("Aron" instead of "Aaron" and "Mella") seem to indicate both youth and femininity in the author. Also, the way the room is described, mainly in terms of color and composition seems to me the way a woman would describe a room. Men seem more interested with size and shape, to me.
I guess we are supposed to gather that Mella and Aron are married, or at least that they live together, but the tone of the piece makes me think of Mella as being young, perhaps adolescent or even pre-adolescent. Part of it is the name, Mella, which alone conjures up the image of an 8-year-old girl, but part of it is the tone.
As I said, I think that the author is relatively new to writing, which is why she wants to use phrases like "before she even ventured a peek out of REM sleep." When we are new to writing we want to sound like we have command of the language, so we try to come up with novel ways of describing everyday things, but it really isn't necessary. Often, simplicity in language can bring much more eloquence.
Still, I get a sense of energy and enthusiasm from the author that I like, and I think her writing shows promise. She just needs to find her stride.
Unfortunately I don't know much about anyone's experience with writing, so I'll just have to go with female and young: Pixie.
Posts: 4534 | Registered: Jan 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Names like Mella and Aron sound to me like someone trying to imitate contemporary fantasy writers without hiding the fact very well.
Posts: 99 | Registered: Sep 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
The wording could be much stronger if the author took out all of the "sort of" and "seemed to" phrases. ". . . with an ergonomic feel that defied its small size. The windows, though, really threw her off. They were pointy, and staggered at random heights around the top of the room. They formed a circle about her, peering down and passing judgment."
I agree on the young and female points. Of course, now I can't remember who all's been an answer before, and I'm too lazy to go look it up . . .
I'll guess flyby. Because she's young and female.
Posts: 3801 | Registered: Jan 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
I also guess young and female, the colour and the description of freckles on elbows, blue room and windows are all indicative of a younger female writer.
I'm also curious about Aron. If they are young and possibly married (?) they sound like they were recently married and this bedroom is th result of the marriage. If that is so and Mella is fairly young (for being married), why is Aron not more important to her?
I really have no idea who is young and female, so if flyby is young and female, that seems like a good guess.
(Am I allowed to guess the same as someone else based on only that?)
Posts: 8473 | Registered: Apr 2003
| IP: Logged |
Although I echo the sentiments of the previous posters in this thread, I have to say that I like the feel of the windows passing judgement as from a huddle. When a voice is found, it will be interesting!
I agree with the female/young sentiment. I think it might indicate that while Mella may be old enough to be married, she's still mentally juvinille. Playing on the "defensless and weak-hearted woman" feeling, I wouldn't be surprised if this story was set in the Dark/Middle Ages. Except, perhaps, for the part about Mella having freckles.
It was me. Yes, I am young, yes I am female, yes I am a bit naive.
And I'm glad you were able to discover so much about my characters from this one paragraph - Mella and Aron were just recently married, and just moved to a new planet (not so medieval, sorry) where she's a little out of her element.
Thanks for all the good feedback...
I shall definately work on catching my "stride."
And their names are weird, because I'm placing them in a future human civilization and I'm very shallowly concealing the rl crush I have on a boy named Aaron by tweaking the spelling.
Printer-friendly view of this topic
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
half my characters are named after or based on people in my real life.
