posted
You're not particularly ugly, Thor. You've kind of got a charismatic, quasi-Scottish bar band thing going on, which is even attractive if you accessorize properly. I know from ugly. Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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But Thor, honey, I've fallen in love with men much much uglier than you. And you know what a hottie I am Posts: 5700 | Registered: Feb 2002
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You need to sign up for the newest addition to the Ralphie Correspondence School courses: Subtleties in Fishing for Compliments 101.
The class motto: Give a man a compliment, feed his ego for a day. Teach him how to fish for compliments, feed it for a lifetime.
Posts: 7600 | Registered: Jan 2001
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posted
I was thinking about the whole 'ugly' vs 'not' issue today. Imagine my shock when I realized that I have slipped acros my own line of demarcation, there.
Thor, hon, I dunno what to say, other than, "What Tom said."
Seriously, I don't know you very well, but the package you come wrapped in ain't bad at all. I don't mean for that to sound like a come-on, because I'm happily married. I meant it as a statement of fact.
Posts: 9293 | Registered: Aug 2000
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posted
Honestly, if you want to prove how ugly you are, you should have chosen a worse picture than that!
I’m actually surprised how a simple hair cut and a trimming of your beard did to enhance your appearance. You’re cute. So stop worrying about how ugly you are because you’re obviously- well, not.
Normally I would‘t comment on a person‘s appearance regardless whether or not they look nice because I do think a person’s visage should not be important enough to bear mention. So unless you’re compensating for a bad personality or... something, stop putting such emphasis on the way you look! Posts: 65 | Registered: Jun 2003
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posted
((Thor)) We all feel ugly sometimes. I think what attracts people is getting past how we feel about ourselves long enough to make someone else feel special. Hang in there kiddo, the right girl is out there.
posted
Thor, have you considered your geographical location as a possible cause of your apparent inability to get dates? I'd date you (based on your looks, of course, because none of us here at Hatrack know anything about your personality ), but I'm up here in Massachusetts -- you'd have to come get me. Posts: 1785 | Registered: May 1999
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posted
If I had to guess, Thor, I'd chalk it up to your...well, for lack of a better word, your vibe. I would expect that you just don't *feel* like someone that the women you'd be interested in would like to date. I've never met you, so I can't say for sure, but maybe you give off a feeling of neediness or desperation. Neither of those attract people, as a general rule. Maybe you just come off as a warm cuddly friend type, I don't know.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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posted
Rarely does lack of dates have anything to do with your appearance directly. I've seen people that are much, much less attractive get tons of dates. I've seen people who are attractive get no dates at all. It's just how you present yourself, confidence (especially. Which people who think they're ugly appear to lack ) and the *effort* you put into getting a girl most of all. You can't just expect a date to fall into your lap. It's unrealistic.
My brother for instance, everytime I mention my him to a new friend they would gush about how good looking he is. I know a a couple of people who have developed nearly obsessive crushes on him, but he appears to oblivious to it (I never mention it to him). However, at eighteen he only has two dates in his life. He's shy and has a very "don't touch me" kind of vibe to him. Those two girlfriends he had, they actually asked him out.
Maybe it's none of those reasons I've listed above. Maybe you're just unlucky. Well, either way, I hope you find the right girl. Posts: 65 | Registered: Jun 2003
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1) Kama hasn't had a boyfriend because she's picky, not because men aren't interested.
2) Thor hasn't had a girlfriend lately because he's at the age where women begin to be attracted to self-confidence and accomplishment, and he hasn't had much of either, recently.
My advice to both:
1) Continue to be picky, but not a perfectionist. 2) Lower your sights a bit. Women -- even the loveliest -- don't demand the kings of the Earth, but they ARE attracted to men who are visibly working towards their goals. Unless you start working much harder (also an option), you might want to consider picking up a smaller set of short-term goals (a more realistic option).
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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posted
Well, if Xav's right, you can always date NON-Polish males. If you don't mind LDRs, I'm sure there are Hatrackers here who'd like the opportunity. Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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I don't know, I believe enough nails are being hit on the head to build a house, or at the very least, erect a sturdy wall.
quote: ((Thor)) We all feel ugly sometimes. I think what attracts people is getting past how we feel about ourselves long enough to make someone else feel special. Hang in there kiddo, the right girl is out there.
Yeah. I haven't really had long sustained periods of super steady self confidence these last two years, this whole poverty thing is wearing me down. It was a lot easier to deal with in my 20's, and now that life has just dawned on my 30's, it's wearing me down. It's a beast I must conquer.
quote:Thor, have you considered your geographical location as a possible cause of your apparent inability to get dates? I'd date you (based on your looks, of course, because none of us here at Hatrack know anything about your personality ), but I'm up here in Massachusetts -- you'd have to come get me.
Ahhh, martha. This brings us back to the poverty thing, If I was a jetsetter, I could be set to Jet to massachusetts at the drop of a hat, but now I'm not sure my truck would make it. I'm resourceful, I'll think of something. Thank you, sweetheart.
quote: If I had to guess, Thor, I'd chalk it up to your...well, for lack of a better word, your vibe. I would expect that you just don't *feel* like someone that the women you'd be interested in would like to date. I've never met you, so I can't say for sure, but maybe you give off a feeling of neediness or desperation. Neither of those attract people, as a general rule. Maybe you just come off as a warm cuddly friend type, I don't know.
My Vibe has always worked for me, but I will admit, the whole Superman/Christ syndrome has been a newer wrinkle that's popped up over the last 5 years. Neediness? Maybe. Desperation? No. I'm just the noisy broken spoke. Someone who is desperate is most likely to settle for less than they reall desire, need or want, and at this point, I'm about as stubborn as a mountain on this subject. I know what I want and I'll hold out til I get it (though I may whine a bit). If we could just get this BAND thing working, I could parlay the NEEDINESS thing into a positive. I make no arguements about needing attention. I love it. It's wondy. ...but I do feel I do many things that deserve proper attention.
quote: Rarely does lack of dates have anything to do with your appearance directly. I've seen people that are much, much less attractive get tons of dates. I've seen people who are attractive get no dates at all. It's just how you present yourself, confidence (especially. Which people who think they're ugly appear to lack ) and the *effort* you put into getting a girl most of all. You can't just expect a date to fall into your lap. It's unrealistic.
I realize that most women are attracted to men with confidence. ...but do you know how many "ladykillers" I've known or seen loaded with false confidence? Overall I'm a very confident guy, I'm very smart, I'm very wise, I'm very creative, I'm very caring, I'm very funny...but I've lost my confidence on knowing where I fit in this fubar'd world. That's what's been killing me.
quote:Maybe you're just unlucky. Well, either way, I hope you find the right girl.
I ***used to be*** very lucky. ..but maybe my past actions have come back to haunt me or the curse my last X-girl thing placed on my has stuck. I don't know.
Thanks. I like to believe that there really is someone out there for everyone, and that everyone who looks for love, everyone who believes in love and everyone who has faith in love will find it.
What ever path GOD has laid out for me I will take as my fate. Jesus was His Greatest Son and he got captured, tortured and crucified. If I go the rest of my life without a girl, it won't kill me. It'll just wound me greatly.
posted
I don't think you should project so much upon the 'girl' part (of lack therein of...) of your once and future life. Girl and Money seem to be important status items to your self-esteem, Economy and economics of desire etc. This is ideology and one which you seem to want to engage as a christian martyr - when in fact what might be more appropriate is a closer look at the role of pride in your calculus - or at least in the results of the calculus. You seem to me to be a really good illustrator and excellent colourist...you should be painting murals - outside - taking advantage on natural textures and the human context of the street. The computer's driving you nuts Thor - no girls here - just desire plunges into infinite regress - the kids love it - the new cults need it - but you, so full, are getting emptied out baby --- I can hear the air hissing - you have got to get moving.
Posts: 575 | Registered: Jan 2002
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posted
I think what mondescribing is a conclusion I came to last year:
I had had enough of breaking hearts and having mine broken, flinging emotions around carelessly, dating people because they were there, not because I needed someone. Finally I arrived at a point where I stopped dating: I spent a lot of time introspecting, writing, finding alternate outlets for my passions. It was the first time in seven years that I'd been without a boyfriend or girlfriend.
And I quickly became happy with my situation, learned to enjoy solitude, and stopped wishing I had someone.
Which is just where I was when I unexpectedly fell in love, and am still in love, the longest I've been in love with anyone in my life.
So don't harp on it, think about other things, and the girl may come along when you least expect her. Or not, but at least you'll find yourself along the way.
Posts: 1785 | Registered: May 1999
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quote: why have I not had a date in 2 damn years???
*pouts* Thor, I have not had a date EVER!!!! Not a boyfriend, not a date, not anything even close...
OK, I'm not in my thirties, but I am the only one. It's very sad.
Unfortunately I can't see colors and such on my computer, so I can't look at the picture, but I'm sure you're very handsome! Posts: 7877 | Registered: Feb 2003
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posted
Raia : don't worry. It can seem strange, but I never dated anyone else than the man I love and live with since two years.
Posts: 3526 | Registered: Oct 2001
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posted
Noemon is relaying all of these posts through a dog secretary.
Thor, I understand your confidence problem I was raised in a very positive environment, in which I knew, beyond question, that I was intelligent, creative, and valuable. Plus, I have an excellent pedigree. Yet once I stepped into the outside world, no deeply-held knowledge of my intrinsic worth could explain to me why lots and lots of people didn't want to be my friend. And there were LOTS and LOTS of people who would rather tease me than do just about anything else. I came to expect that nothing I was or did could ever possibly impress anyone else, and that people disliking me would be the rule, while earning friends would be the rare exception.
This in contrast with my wife, who grew up in a much more negative environment, and was forced to fight for every shred of self-worth she has. Once she left home, she found herself much more capable of building large groups of friends and impressing people with her exceeding coolness, even despite the fact that she is naturally much more shy than I am.
So, what does that mean? Happy childhood = no friends? I doubt it, because there are plenty of stories that go the other way. In truth, there are way too many factors feeding into a human's level of self-confidence to fully define them all.
A lot comes down to being distinct. Being weird. The weirder you are, the harder it is to fit in, no matter how valuable a person you might be. We're all weird to some degree or another, but some people manage to make a stronger connection to the common human experience than others do. The stronger that connection — the more "grounded" you are — the better chance you have of finding a common ground with others, and building confidence in your ability to connect. Otherwise, we're all restricted to small or tiny subcultures of likeminded folk.
I've noticed that since the time you first arrived here, Thor, your posts have grown increasingly "normal" and comprehensible. Your opinions, outlook, and style are still totally unique, but at the same time, you're able to connect with people on a human level that you weren't able to back when you were challenging me to games of Risk. I think that's really valuable, because now you have the tools to really affect and change us with who you are, while before, you mostly just caught looks of strange fascination.
I don't know you in person, so I can't offer you any real counsel that would help you in real life. But just realize that the things you have confidence in — your intelligence, creativity, etc — are the things that people WILL like about you, once they get to know you. It took me a while to realize that my wife really does appreciate all my good qualities, even though thousands of people before her rejected me without even looking at them. You know a lot of people here at Hatrack who appreciate yours too. Even some who saw them through your most incomprehensible phases. So, you've got proof. It does happen. There are places where you fit. You just have to find those opportunities in real life
And you are NOT ugly, so give yourself a break. And even more importantly, you're better-looking than your friends.
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