posted
Peeky's back! Please rate my new song I wrote last night on a scale of 1-10 because I feel this is some of my best work and I want YOUR opinion.
I Just Want to Hear It From You
You shouldn't hold me the way that you do And expect me not to fall in love like I do You get so close that I get lost in your eyes And I lose track of my world, I lose track of time
Are you really in love? Do your eyes tell the truth? They all don't have to know I just want to hear it from you And do your arms ever lie because I feel it don't get better than this When you're holding me tight I just want to hear it from you
Your love is vacant and I want to stay Because your lips remind me of better days How can you not feel the love in the air Sometimes it seems like you don't even care
Are you really in love? Do your eyes tell the truth? They all don't have to know I just want to hear it from you And do your arms ever lie because I feel it don't get better than this When you're holding me tight I just want to hear it from you
I get a feeling when your hands hold mine I get tears in my eyes and butterflies in my mind To be the center of your attention Makes me feel so alive
So why reject it like you do To fall in love with me like I am with you I know you must feel something there But you just can't ignore the distant stares
Are you really in love? Do your eyes tell the truth? They all don't have to know I just want to hear it from you And do your arms ever lie because I feel it don't get better than this When you're holding me tight I just want to hear it from you
I just want to hear it from you
Posts: 11 | Registered: Jul 2003
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My taste in love songs, however, is bizarre to say the least (probably because my favourite bands don't write love songs). I once wrote a song for a girl I loved and it contained the phrase "I'm afraid of you / and I'm afraid for you." So I'd be willing to bet that your song wouldn't be my cup of tea.
That isn't a criticism, though.
Posts: 10886 | Registered: Feb 2000
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posted
thanks, and i know what you mean. it was hard not to throw something twisted in there. lol. (my idol is courtney love,and my lyrics normally sound like hers so you know how hard it was to write a song like this?!?!)
posted
If you're a pro, maybe 6 or 7, album material, maybe a single If you haven't made it (yet) 8+. With a little polish, could go to 9.
You shouldn't hold me the way that you do And expect me not to fall in love like I do You get so close that I get lost in your eyes And I lose track of my world, I lose track of time I love this, it flows so smoothly off the toungue, has simple yet effective and emotional language as well as cool love imagery. *jealous* I wish I could write music! If you tweak or replace the 4th line, it could be near-perfect.
Beautiful lines: Do your eyes tell the truth?
And do your arms ever lie
Your love is vacant and I want to stay Because your lips remind me of better days Killer couplet!
I get a feeling when your hands hold mine I get tears in my eyes and butterflies in my mind *pitches jealous hissy fit because of way cool lines* Great emotive power mixed with whimsical imagery!I love it!
They all don't have to know I just want to hear it from you Sums up complex emotions from 2 people in 2 terse verses--very few can do that
posted
thanks you guys. Most of my friends think i'm plagerizing (sp?) because im only 14 but hey at least i know i did it.
Posts: 11 | Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
It's not a bad love poem. As far as a song...I'd like to hear it. I've heard some really brilliant songs with really stupid words that don't matter because the music is so good (Led Zeppelin comes to mind). I've also heard songs with amazing lyrics but whose music is so boring that I never listen to them (I may be crossing some people here, but...Bob Dylan). Sure, there are cases where songs have brilliant music and lyrics, and there are cases where lyrics are so bad that they ruin the music ("Virtuality" by Rush is a great example of this), but when I'm rating a song, I usually pay more attention to the music. Anyway, if you want to set up a tape player while you're singing/ playing the song and post the .mp3 file, I'd love to give you some feedback. Meantime, all I can say: I've heard a lot of love songs, and these lyrics aren't bad...they certainly have the potential of being used in a great song. Hope I get to hear it. Good luck. Posts: 2804 | Registered: May 2003
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im not new at all, i just disappeared. i am peekaboo, i just lost my password. and im also jeni's little sister. i have been posting under different peeky names forever. but thanks!
Posts: 11 | Registered: Jul 2003
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It made me want to eat cheese! Gouda Cheese! And that is a good thing. I am in love again! With Gouda Cheese!
Posts: 1870 | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
By your love is vacant, I meant that he seems not to be in love with anyone at the moment, or his heart isn't being used, so in more poetic words, his love is vacant.
Posts: 11 | Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
The lyrics are simply beautiful and if someone can't relate to any of your lyrics, then as OSC says, "You might as well turn in your Human Race Card."
Sorry about the Gouda Cheese thing. I just really like the red wax and the orange cheese and the the um... oh never mind!
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