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rats I can't find that picture on my entire hard drive. Now I'm wondering what happened to it. Maybe it is on my work computer. If I find it I will e-mail it though!
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...I have a picture of my dad cutting my brother's hair that will be enough to make both you and your stylist cringe. If I can find it I'm going to e-mail it to you!
I still have this picture (unless Bart at it...he actually died the other day...we may take the now-defunct THUNKpad and make a Bartenstein of it)...anhow, it is the absolute most HILARIOUS picture I've ever seen. Posts: 9 | Registered: Dec 2003
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You have it!!!! Can you e-mail it to me if you can resurrect Bart? Because I can't effing find it on my computer's hard drive anywhere. I'm wondering if Steve inadvertantly deleted it in a fit of reformatting.
AJ (My brother may still have it, but he's in the middle of finals right now. Though I guess I shouldn't worry about disturbing him, it isn't like he is actually studying)
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Will do, though I think the tech we took it to, did burn all the stuff on my hard drive onto disks for me.
Posts: 9 | Registered: Dec 2003
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My outdoor Christmas decorations usually consist of popcorn strings and pinecones covered with peanut butter and birdseed. We make a bird tree, and it is soon decorated with red cardinals, blue jays, and other cute little living birdies!
Posts: 3141 | Registered: Apr 2000
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That's an awesome way to decorate for Christmas, Jenny! Only problem with doing it at our house is the cats would be desperately hurling themselves against the windows and patio door trying to get at the birds.
Posts: 957 | Registered: Aug 2002
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I saw this one house last year in Orlando with so much stuff around that you couldn't even see the grass... or the roof. This guy had the works. Snowmen, santas, those wire light up deer and other assorted things, the inflatable things, santas sleigh on the roof with more deer and stuff... And he had more rope lights than I'm sure his house was capable of powering. He was probably leeching power from his neighbors. It looked more like a creepy carnival than Christmas spirit of any sort. It was the ugliest (funniest) thing I have ever seen.
Posts: 298 | Registered: Sep 2004
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I'm going to take a picture of my house and see if AJ has a problem with it. I'm scared now I may be crossing into tackiness.
I have greenery on every window, and a wreath on the door with burgundy and gold bows (I make the bows myself, mind you, so there is a significant do-it-yourself factor)
I don't have any hanging lights, but I do put floodlights in the yard to light up the house.
HOw am I doing on the tackiness scale?
Posts: 14428 | Registered: Aug 2001
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But what about the inflatable Homer Simpson with the box of donuts? Where your neighbor has the exact same thing?
Posts: 5422 | Registered: Dec 2001
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I keep thinking about taking a picture of the house down the street and posting it here. They have at least 9 of those 8-foot high blow-up things. This is on a small city lot, so basically the entire yard is filled, and one on the roof of the garage. It is the tackiest thing ever.
I complained about it to my mom and she said she had been thinking about picking up a grinch one and putting it in my yard. I pointed out that I have no outdoor outlets. HA!
Posts: 7954 | Registered: Mar 2004
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There are some people near here who have 17 of those blow ups. Their entire front and back yards are filled, plus there are 3 on the roof.
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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Nope, the grinch blow up strongly resembles a teddy bear... my next curmugenonly instalment is simmering right now and should bubble over from my brain shortly.
I'm planning on using the line "Since you clearly upgrade the Lexus and BMWs in your driveway, why not consider upgrading your Baby Jesus, instead of using that cracking and faded plastic nativity set..."
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Christmas is about tradition, AJ. It wouldn't be tradition if they didn't keep things around until they fall apart.
Belle, burgundy and gold is always a tacky combination of colors. Might I suggest orange and blue which are much more festive colors.
Posts: 4625 | Registered: Jul 2002
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17 wouldn't fit on this lot. I doubt they could cram in any more than they have. (I live in Minneapolis proper, little houses less than 10 feet apart with garages in the alley.)
Posts: 7954 | Registered: Mar 2004
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My family has never done much for outside decorating. We put lights in the bushes (by hand) and on the little pine tree we have in the front yard. We hang a wreath between the two front windows, and red velvet-y bows from the light fixtures. We've also got a couple big spotlights shining on our house, but it all looks nice. None of that inflatable crap. It just looks dumb.
As an aside, my friend's father refers to those net-lights as "roping bushes," so whenever I'm in the car with them, they point out every house who uses them and say "Well, guess they caught some bushes..."
Posts: 3932 | Registered: Sep 1999
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zgator, an faded outdoor nativity set clearly purchased at your local walmart *isn't* traditional, it just says you were out to save a buck while making a "christian" statement...hmm how Christian is that? Particularly when your home is worth several million and you have 2 beamers and a Lexus SUV in your drivway?? (I drive by this house on my way home from work every day.)
AJ <with curmudgenon hat on>
Posts: 11265 | Registered: Mar 2002
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My new neighbor only has 4 inflatables, but he also has a light-up Santa sleigh with reindeer (the kind that look like they're flying) and 2 light-up animated reindeer. His yard is outlined with light ropes and he has light-up candy canes all through his yard in every space not already filled. It's dangerous to walk through his yard because of all the extension cords branching everywhere.
Posts: 4625 | Registered: Jul 2002
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<--goes to check tag on his indoor nativity to make sure it doesn't have a WalMart label on it.
Posts: 4625 | Registered: Jul 2002
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This year's Christmas theme is clearly "More is More" and if you aren't buying in you are Unpatriotic. Though if your decorations are patriotic you can get away with Less. An American Flag and a red, white and blue wreath as your only external decorations, make your lack of exorbitantly purchasing the Christmas decorations that drive our economy barely forgivable. Crass commercialism and wanton exhibitions of Christmas purchasing power are clearly more important than Supporting the Troops. Those who take the patriotic high ground are touching objects of amusement.
So More is More and those decorations from last year don't count in the tally either. You can buy 6 packs of candy canes to line your walks. But no one stops at 6. 24 is the required minimum. I've thought about getting two and using them them for guidance to find the edge of my drivway should the snow get piled too deep. Oh, but I can't buy just two? Hmm, maybe I'll simply snag them from somone else's yard. Which brings me to another point.
Considering that people have clearly spent hundreds putting up these displays, how much are they spending on the security systems to protect their purchases? Several times I've seen those air puff monstrosities totally deflated in the morning as I drive by and I suspect the work of teenage pranksters. Goodness knows that's what I'd be doing to those hideous things! It isn't just the wind, though seeing a giant air-sculpture Santa blown on its ass was one of the more amusing sights I drove by during yesterday's howling winds. Maybe they are drive by BB gunning? That would do the trick too.
I drive through a very affluent neighborhood on my way home from work. Although the "more is more" philosophy has gone down to the lowest common denominator, and Walmart has made decorations affordable to everyone, the truly blasphemous display of one upsmanship in this neighborhood is highly entertaining. Describing the edifices that go by the mocking term 'single family home' is the first problem, "luxury residence" is probably more accurate. The castle that I pass with tennis courts in the back has a blow up Santa larger than a Bus. The footprint of this things is at least the size of a Hummer, and it's fully three stories tall, taller than the roof of the aforementioned castle. For sheer size, this decoration takes the cake. It's competing with a blue whale for volumetric area.
Since no one else in the neighborhood could win the "biggest Santa" contest (one wonders if it is a statment on the owner's manhood) everyone else was forced to go with the More is More theme. The jury is still out on the most puff sculptures per yard, mainly because I can't count that fast as I drive by, but certainly the people that can win the "most convoluted theme" contest are the ones who have in their yard no less than: A Tweety bird, a snowman family, a snowman with a penguin, a penguin on an igloo, Minnie and Mickey in a sleigh, Scooby Doo, a Polar Bear, a Santa, a Grinch (a very freindly grinch that looks teddy-bearesque) and A Christmas Tree. I think they've gotten lost in a blender somewhere between the Disney channel and the cartoon channel and never quite realized where Warner Bros ends and Disney begins.
But let us examine, the messages that are being sent to our young impressionable minds. Of course the most important one is 'More is More'. But will they be scarred for life, by the incestuous and obscene positions of blow-up snowmen families stuck together in pedophilia forever? Or the even more obscene, penguin and polar bear stuck together, in what is undoubtedly a bloody struggle for Darwinian survival, considering that Polar bears are undisputedly the nastiest, bad tempered, most vicious bears alive today. Well the bloodbath would happen if Polar bears weren't at the NORTH POLE and Penguins at the SOUTH. For that matter when did Penguins become Christmas Fodder??? A Coke commercial that I have no memory of? Polar bears I can make the connection: North Pole, Santa's workshop etc. But a Penguin sitting on an Igloo?? once again we are mixing our metaphors. Igloo = Eskimo = North Pole; Penguin= South! This is on top of the Santa delivering Baby Jesus down a chimney problem that plagues the average four year old mind.
Now, there are a few residences in this wealthy neighborhood that I mentioned that have tried to do a more serious religious theme. Most of them I'm ok with, they haven't gone as extravantly, nor have they mixed their metaphors. But, the faded plastic nativity scene makes no such statement of humilty or tradition, when it clearly came from Walmart, and is sitting right next to 2 BMWs and a Lexus, on the lawn of a multimillion dollar estate. For God's sake, if you can upgrade your car, I think you can upgrade your Baby Jesus. It isn't like you were going to donate the money you saved to the starving children in Africa anyway!
The less wealthy people in my own neighborhood have definitely fallen in love with the plastic sculptures. They are apparently cheaper, than the air inflated kinds. If the puff sculptures are the dildoes of these masturbatory displays of holiday spirit, the rapidly fading plastic sculptures are the butt plugs. In some yards they are so thick one suspects that tipping one would start a domino chain stretching around the yard. But you can barely make out the features on whatever these holiday garden gnomes were supposed to be. They have faded into nearly white oblivion because they were made out of a cheap thermoset plastic that doesn't hold color well and cracks through so that we can see the light through it. Of course that just means becuase they last less then the Holiday season that they were purchased for that people will have to buy more next year, and so the Christmas marketing chain stretches on into oblivion.
The Christmas Curmudgeon also can't help but think that the mixed red and green lights that people are putting in their porch lights are sending mixed messages. I wonder how people have done that on houses near busy intersections? It would be an interesting lure for oncoming traffic, that's for sure. Or are they sending the message that they are giving the green light to having a red light district nearby? One can never be sure...
One last question before the Christmas Curmudgeon signs off for the year: What does the popular inflatable polar bear wearing a violet pointed wizard's hat have to do with Christmas? Did someone accidentally order their bears from Hogwarts??
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Haven't quite read the whole thing, but just wanted to note that this year's air puff monstrosities run on electricity, so when you turn the lights off, they deflate.
Posts: 4816 | Registered: Apr 2003
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My outside outlet is tied to the inside one controlled by a wall switch. So if I have my front living room light (the one plugged into the inside wall-switch-controlled outlet), then my Christmas lights are also on.
I have no idea how long it takes to inflate one of those things, but with the seriously high winds and frigid cold (tonight's low is supposed to be single digit!), it's possible that the compressor just can't keep up.
And yes, I see lots of deflated balloon creatures in my neighborhood every morning. But every night they're back up in full demonic glory.
Posts: 4515 | Registered: Jul 2004
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Here, (now in Ottawa, not Toronto) it's not so much like a carnival because some people don't celebrate. I've also not seen a gaudy house yet, most have lights, and some have maybe a figure or two (we have plastic soldiers who guard the door outside on Christmas eve and only Christmas eve).
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This is the year of the light up reindeer. Now that they have been on sale for ~$15, they are EVERYWHERE. Some folks have 5 or 6 of the animated reindeer. Someone needs to tell them about overkill.
Posts: 5422 | Registered: Dec 2001
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wow I forgot to check on the comments since I've been sick. I'm glad you caught my subtlety Mrs. M. I'm wondering if I'm out of steam or if there will be more to rant on next year.
quote:This is the year of the light up reindeer. Now that they have been on sale for ~$15, they are EVERYWHERE. Some folks have 5 or 6 of the animated reindeer. Someone needs to tell them about overkill.
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I've developed a theory about those blow-up Santas, etc. It's called yard envy. The only people that I see with a bazillion of them in their yard inevitably have a teeny tiny yard. I've never seen those suckers done to over-kill by someone who owns a good acre or two. At least that's how it is where I live. Perhaps the people with land - after paying for the land - don't have enough money left over for thirty $40 inflatable Christmas decorations.
Here's a question for everyone. Which rant is better written? The 2003 rant or the 2004 rant?
Obviously if I was going to send either of them to a paper I'd have to take out the Hatrack references on the first one, and the sex toy references on the second. But if I was going to try to submit one which would you pick?
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The first one's shorter and probably has a better chance of getting published just on that. But I think the second one is funnier.
Posts: 2283 | Registered: Dec 2003
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My mother has succumbed to the demonic blow-up yard ornaments.... but as a result I discovered something interesting. The motors are only good for a maximum of 8 hours at a time. Run em longer and they overheat and blow a fuse to prevent serious damage. So now it makes sense to see balloon corpses all over the place from a safety standpoint... but I still say they're demons in disguise - especially that teddybear Grinch!
Posts: 4515 | Registered: Jul 2004
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All of these displays are a serious waste of electricity. I think it's time to institute some sort of power rationing system. If you exceed your allotment in a given month, they cut off your electricity, unless you have some sort of extenuating circumstance.
quote:If the puff sculptures are the dildoes of these masturbatory displays of holiday spirit, the rapidly fading plastic sculptures are the butt plugs.
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"a sweeping crackdown on all the hazards that make Christmas notorious as the season of misery and death" I know this person is being sarcastic, but really, isnt this how we all think of Christmas?
"People often use them to have open fires, complete with exploding embers that can land on furniture, on heavily gelled hair or even on a small furry pet that could suddenly go FOOF! and turn into the Yowling Fireball of Doom."
I just liked this mental image.
Posts: 499 | Registered: Mar 2004
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hmm Goody you really think I should clean it up send it? It's probably too close to Christmas now.
As I have never actually wanted or intended to be a writer, the serious idea that you guys think it might be good enough to clean up send somewhere is kind of overwhelming.
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Have I ever told you about our neighbors who had to install a seperate breaker box to handle all the lights they put on their house?
The problem is that there seemed to be no goal other than to completely cover their house in lights. Strings of lights were strung six inches apart to hang from the roof to the ground.
The house must be cursed with tackiness. These neighbors moved, only to be replaced by someone who puts those inflatable monstrosities in their yard. I have always hated the inflatable decorations. Previously only seen in car lots to warn customers away from seedy used car salesmen, the fact that they have appeared in people's yards has reduced my faith in humanity.
Posts: 3495 | Registered: Feb 2000
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Here is a picture of our house, decked out for the holidays. I am not submitting this for the curmudgeon's approval, because if she doesn't like it, that says more about her than about anything else.
It includes icicle lights, storebought light garlands, nets, and prefab snowflakes. So there. Posts: 13680 | Registered: Mar 2002
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I still have this picture (unless Bart at it...he actually died the other day...we may take the now-defunct THUNKpad and make a Bartenstein of it)...anhow, it is the absolute most HILARIOUS picture I've ever seen. ![[ROFL]](graemlins/rofl.gif)
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I thought this thread was going to be about Polar Bear the cat.![[Cry]](graemlins/cry.gif)
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